Film cliches you want to fuck off

[St_Eddie]

Any cough means they'll drop dead at some stage in the film...

It's one of my favourite films but The Road is definitely guilty of this particular trope.

[machotrouts]

Any cough means they'll drop dead at some stage in the film...

Weirdest use of this I can remember is Ashley Peacock the helium butcher in Coronation Street. In 2010, after the explosion at The Joinery (original version of Nick's Bistro), he and some other fellers were trapped inside, and they had a scene of him coughing up blood and looking very meaningful and portentous about it, like he knows the end is nigh. Few scenes later, the roof collapses on him.

The way I've described it makes it sound like a deliberate comic subversion, but it really did seem like whoever wrote that episode just considers being squashed by a bistro the logical consequence of having a bad cough. Ashley was helping the other blokes out of the debris first and it was all very sacrificial and noble, with a sort of go on without me lads, I've got a gammy throat, probably not going to make it anyway tone. It's like the writer was vaguely familiar with the cough thing as a trope so just crowbarred it in without actually understanding it. Ah, he's going to die later... better make him cough.

[St_Eddie]

Weirdest use of this I can remember is Ashley Peacock the helium butcher in Coronation Street. In 2010, after the explosion at The Joinery (original version of Nick's Bistro), he and some other fellers were trapped inside, and they had a scene of him coughing up blood and looking very meaningful and portentous about it, like he knows the end is nigh. Few scenes later, the roof collapses on him.

The way I've described it makes it sound like a deliberate comic subversion, but it really did seem like whoever wrote that episode just considers being squashed by a bistro the logical consequence of having a bad cough. Ashley was helping the other blokes out of the debris first and it was all very sacrificial and noble, with a sort of go on without me lads, I've got a gammy throat, probably not going to make it anyway tone. It's like the writer was vaguely familiar with the cough thing as a trope so just crowbarred it in without actually understanding it. Ah, he's going to die later... better make him cough.

That's superbly daft.

[Icehaven]

Weirdest use of this I can remember is Ashley Peacock the helium butcher in Coronation Street. In 2010, after the explosion at The Joinery (original version of Nick's Bistro), he and some other fellers were trapped inside, and they had a scene of him coughing up blood and looking very meaningful and portentous about it, like he knows the end is nigh. Few scenes later, the roof collapses on him.

The way I've described it makes it sound like a deliberate comic subversion, but it really did seem like whoever wrote that episode just considers being squashed by a bistro the logical consequence of having a bad cough. Ashley was helping the other blokes out of the debris first and it was all very sacrificial and noble, with a sort of go on without me lads, I've got a gammy throat, probably not going to make it anyway tone. It's like the writer was vaguely familiar with the cough thing as a trope so just crowbarred it in without actually understanding it. Ah, he's going to die later... better make him cough.

They might have been trying to suggest he was doomed anyway so at least by being squashed he died quickly and didn't have to suffer a long and painful death from internal bleeding. I'm being charitable though, it's still plainly absurd.

[momatt]

Weirdest use of this I can remember is Ashley Peacock the helium butcher in Coronation Street.

A great description of this on his insanely detailed Wikipedia page:

"On 23 April 2010, it was announced that the character had been axed along with his on-screen family by new producer Phil Collinson.[2] Ashley was a victim of the tram crash and died as part of the show's 50th birthday in December 2010."

What a lovely way to celebrate a birthday!

[Ferris]

A great description of this on his insanely detailed Wikipedia page:

"On 23 April 2010, it was announced that the character had been axed along with his on-screen family by new producer Phil Collinson.[2] Ashley was a victim of the tram crash and died as part of the show's 50th birthday in December 2010."

What a lovely way to celebrate a birthday!

Tram crash? I thought he was squashed by a bistro. What the fucks going on

[St_Eddie]

Tram crash? I thought he was squashed by a bistro. What the fucks going on

He was dying from smoke inhalation, when a bistro collapsed in on him but he was still alive, just barely, when a tram derailed and crashed into the smouldering remains of the bistro, finally finishing him off.

It's how he would have wanted to go.

[Gregory Torso]

Wizards. FUCK OFF WIZARDS.

I recently watched some of "Fantastic Beasts And How To Catch Them", flying back on a plane from China, and realised I never want to see wizards again. They're such fucking PRICKS.

It's not just that they have to use their shitty spells for everything. Going to the shop? Here's a little shopping bag with legs and a moustache that'll waddle along beside you and it'll probably split because  that would be funny. Buying an apple. Levitate it into the bag. One by one. Apple-in-baggus! Buying some toilet paper. Unravel it all over the fucking supermarket because your wands bent from shoving it up your pimply arse at night and crying "PROSTATE-MANIPULATUS". Ooh what a pallaver! I hope none of those filthy muggles see. I hope a swirling mass made of the shredded souls of dead orphans doesn't destroy the city because I didn't want to wipe my arse and tried to use a spewl.

Not just that - but everything's got to have a theme tune. Not a single frame of silence in wizard films. My magic hoover is doing the dusting POMPEE-DOMPEE-DIDDLY-DOO. Oh, one of my little duck mole things has escaped and is running around causing cock and ball havoc, WIDDLY-WANKY-BANKILY-DUMP. The fat man is in love with the pretty girl STRING SWELL FEELINGS NOW. DA DUM DA DUM THE WIZARDS IS FIGHTING

I've never seen Harry Potter but I imagine it's more or less the same.

[thecuriousorange]

A threating scorpion moves along silently, precisely, poised to strike, before a pointy knife suddenly juts in from outside the frame, nullifying the would-be predator.

[St_Eddie]

Wizards. FUCK OFF WIZARDS.

[machotrouts]

Tram crash? I thought he was squashed by a bistro. What the fucks going on

The bistro exploded, fucking up the viaduct tram line. Then a tram cunted into the street and fucked even more shit up. Happy 50th birthday everyone.

The 40th anniversary episode was about the council trying to tarmac the cobbles.

[Ferris]

He was dying from smoke inhalation, when a bistro collapsed in on him but he was still alive, just barely, when a tram derailed and crashed into the smouldering remains of the bistro, finally finishing him off.

It's how he would have wanted to go.

The bistro exploded, fucking up the viaduct tram line. Then a tram cunted into the street and fucked even more shit up. Happy 50th birthday everyone.

The 40th anniversary episode was about the council trying to tarmac the cobbles.

At least he went doing what he loved - being smashed to bits by trams inside an inferno of collapsed mediocre restaurant.

What will the 60th birthday be? Dirty bomb in the Queen Vic? Ebola outbreak from tainted hot-pot? It's all to play for.

[Shit Good Nose]

Apologies if this one has already been mentioned but, even though it's been a long-time bugbear of mine, I've only been reminded of it recently as I've seen it in a few films (and TV shows) - two or more people talking, one of them blatantly looks over the other's shoulder or to the side and fixes their gaze on someone or something.  In real life the other person/people they're talking to would stop and look around as well.  But it hardly EVER happens in films or TV shows - either the other person/people keep talking to the one staring off in another direction (whilst the person/people still talking are looking DIRECTLY at them), or they will occasionally pause and say "what's wrong?", but still without looking around as well.

[Mr Banlon]

Disturbed by the commotion, a tramp in an alley emerges from a dirty carboard pile with a shocked expression and holding a bottle/kitten.

[BlodwynPig]

Apologies if this one has already been mentioned but, even though it's been a long-time bugbear of mine, I've only been reminded of it recently as I've seen it in a few films (and TV shows) - two or more people talking, one of them blatantly looks over the other's shoulder or to the side and fixes their gaze on someone or something.  In real life the other person/people they're talking to would stop and look around as well.  But it hardly EVER happens in films or TV shows - either the other person/people keep talking to the one staring off in another direction (whilst the person/people still talking are looking DIRECTLY at them), or they will occasionally pause and say "what's wrong?", but still without looking around as well.

[momatt]

Tram crash? I thought he was squashed by a bistro. What the fucks going on

Maybe it means he was in a tram crash, but didn't die of that?

[Endicott]

37 pages, someone must have said it.

A group of covert soldiers move into a new position, and then their comms go on the fritz.

[gilbertharding]

This is a thing which has probably already fucked off... but whenever anyone's driving a car in an old ITC thing on telly (also The Professionals and The Sweeney) the windows are always rolled down whatever the season, presumably so you can see whoever's inside without reflections in the glass.

They also never, ever have anything to do with car keys - that is no-one ever locks a car, or even takes the keys out of the ignition when they leave it.

[Mr Banlon]

Not a cliche, but the the disappearing headrest when filming inside the car thing pisses me off.

[EOLAN]

This is a thing which has probably already fucked off... but whenever anyone's driving a car in an old ITC thing on telly (also The Professionals and The Sweeney) the windows are always rolled down whatever the season, presumably so you can see whoever's inside without reflections in the glass.

They also never, ever have anything to do with car keys - that is no-one ever locks a car, or even takes the keys out of the ignition when they leave it.

In really old times (30s) would this have actually been a thing. In Bringing Up Baby; the Katharine Hepburn was just so easily able to get in to Cary Grant's car and done so obviously that it makes me believe their were just a pile of cars all over the place that could be driven off by anyone.

On the cliche side; in an action thriller; if anyone is opening/closing their car by using the automatic button press it will lead to a car bomb going off.

[Icehaven]

They also never, ever have anything to do with car keys - that is no-one ever locks a car, or even takes the keys out of the ignition when they leave it.

The only time car keys are usually seen is when they're going to be involved in the clichés of "Someone trying to drive away but car won't start until whoever's chasing them is nearly upon them", or "Person in hurry gets in car, realises hasn't got the keys and has to go and get them from somewhere awkward like in a dead person's pocket or back into wherever they've just escaped from." That first one is so overdone and boring I actually breathe a sigh of relief when cars start first time so we don't have to sit through someone going ''ComeoncomeoncomeonCOMEON!!" while banging the steering wheel for the 985th time.

[Blumf]

Do tanks and other military vehicles have keys?

[Jerzy Bondov]

Do tanks and other military vehicles have keys?

Apparently not. Just a padlock on the hatch and then you press a button to get it going. Then you can bomb around Moscow to your heart's content. https://www.quora.com/Do-tanks-have-keys-to-start-them

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

He was dying from smoke inhalation, when a bistro collapsed in on him .

The Human League consider "Don't You Want Me" lyrics rewrite.

[St_Eddie]

Disturbed by the commotion, a tramp in an alley emerges from a dirty carboard pile with a shocked expression and holding a bottle/kitten.

True to life though.

A group of covert soldiers move into a new position, and then their comms go on the fritz.

British soldiers were well known to hate the Fritz.

Not a cliche, but the the disappearing headrest when filming inside the car thing pisses me off.

I'd never noticed that before but I surely will now be eternally bothered by it.  Thanks.

The only time car keys are usually seen is when they're going to be involved in the clichés of "Someone trying to drive away but car won't start until whoever's chasing them is nearly upon them"...

...I actually breathe a sigh of relief when cars start first time so we don't have to sit through someone going ''ComeoncomeoncomeonCOMEON!!" while banging the steering wheel for the 985th time.

Imagine being a screenwriter in today's world and choosing to write such a scene with no sense of irony.  There should be a law against it or something.

[gilbertharding]

Disturbed by the commotion, a tramp in an alley emerges from a dirty carboard pile with a shocked expression and holding a bottle/kitten.

Looks at what's causing the commotion, then looks at the bottle, then throws the bottle over his shoulder.

[St_Eddie]

Looks at what's causing the commotion, then looks at the bottle, then throws the bottle over his shoulder.

Urgh.  It's such a tired trope.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Man is publically nude for some reason.  Others look shocked, but an elderly and/or straitlaced-looking female character looks thrilled.

[thecuriousorange]

Will look him down and up before making a "Cor!" face.

[mothman]

One could say that these two most recently discussed clichés were nicely combined in When Harry Met Sally's "I'll have what she's having" scene.