IN THEORY

[pancreas]

This is a safe space for you to ask important theoretical question and/or suggest answers.

IN THEORY, how many blow jobs a day would you need to give to be able to live off the ejaculate?

[Howj Begg]

Mate, academia isnt that bad. Things'll perk up, you'll see. Don't do it.

[Sebastian Cobb]

[tag]Marc Almond leaves thread in despair[/tag]

[poo]

I think if I was into dishing out blowies they'd be the wild, spitty, throaty sort that would likely burn more energy than I could extract. If I was throwing in power-tug facials to finish, then I'm almost surely gonna be in calorie deficit. Unsustainable.

[buzby]

A scientific study into the chemical and nutritional properties of human semen reckoned there's on average only about 1 calorie per load, so you would be very busy. You would have about 6000% of your RDA of zinc though.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A scientific study into the chemical and nutritional properties of human semen reckoned there's on average only about 1 calorie per load, so you would be very busy. You would have about 6000% of your RDA of zinc though.

So 2 wanks equal a tic-tac.

[Mr Brightside]

I lived off cum for six months back in 1994, and I was knocking out about 500 blowjobs per day. Not sure how much longer I could have gone on as I weighed around three stone at the end of the six months and was shitting tubes of compacted spunk which were like lard. I was also followed around by a six-foot weasel in a smoking jacket that may have been imaginary.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Before long you need to fit a lubricated plastic device to your mouth to protect chafing and horrendous dry mouth, but that only buys you a year or so max until you start crystal meth.

[popcorn]

A scientific study into the chemical and nutritional properties of human semen reckoned there's on average only about 1 calorie per load, so you would be very busy. You would have about 6000% of your RDA of zinc though.

One calorie? That's rubbish.

Seriously?

Cum is rubbish.

[zomgmouse]

IN THEORY, how many walruses could end starvation in Bangladesh?

[popcorn]

I was so astounded by the pathetic calorific content of cum that I googled this. Other sources put the figure at 5-25 calories per load. A much more robust quotient.

If you lead a largely sedentary forum-browsing life, you only need about 1500 calories a day. Meaning you'd have to do 300 blowjobs, minimum. Thirsty work.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

you'd have to do 300 blowjobs, minimum. Thirsty work.

Correction, 600, you're doing mine remember.

[pancreas]

IN THEORY, how many walruses could end starvation in Bangladesh?

Roughly two cows to a walrus, 2000kg for the latter. 10 million hungry? 1kg of meat/fat a week? 50 000 walruses would be a help. Dunno why the Red Cross doesn't just drop them from helicopters. Fucking PETA cunts would have at them I expect. Remember all that furore over the seal cull... Actually, looks like they kill a lot more seals than that. The Red Cross should help kill the seals then drop them over Bangladesh. Literally why has no-one thought of this yet??

[Mr Brightside]

In theory, how many Kit Kat Chunky bars could Jenna Jameson fit in her vagina?

[Howj Begg]

I think if I was into dishing out blowies they'd be the wild, spitty, throaty sort that would likely burn more energy than I could extract. If I was throwing in power-tug facials to finish, then I'm almost surely gonna be in calorie deficit. Unsustainable.

Sure. But its your generosity i admire. Selflessly throwing in the facials at no extra cost, to your own detriment.

[Glebe]

In theory, you should be able to wank in a wind tunnel. Go on, give it a whirl!

[pancreas]

In theory, how many Kit Kat Chunky bars could Jenna Jameson fit in her vagina?

I have no real clear idea about this. I'm going to guess eleven. IN THEORY you can get a baby through her vagina so why not eleven KKCs?

[Glebe]

In theory, you should be able to suck your balls on a cold night.

[zomgmouse]

I have no real clear idea about this. I'm going to guess eleven. IN THEORY you can get a baby through her vagina so why not eleven KKCs?

I think the main obstacle is that babies go out, not in. Don't try to put a baby back inside like you would a chocolate bar. Not a good look.

[pancreas]

I think the main obstacle is that babies go out, not in. Don't try to put a baby back inside like you would a chocolate bar. Not a good look.

Listen. If my life depended on it---or even if yours did---I'd give it a damn good try.

[thraxx]

Roughly two cows to a walrus, 2000kg for the latter. 10 million hungry? 1kg of meat/fat a week? 50 000 walruses would be a help. Dunno why the Red Cross doesn't just drop them from helicopters. Fucking PETA cunts would have at them I expect. Remember all that furore over the seal cull... Actually, looks like they kill a lot more seals than that. The Red Cross should help kill the seals then drop them over Bangladesh. Literally why has no-one thought of this yet??

No duhbrain, he means how many Walruses have the leadership, vision and energy to implement a radical food cultivation programme in the country, creating food abundance and eliminating want. The answers 6 in case you were wondering.