Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 10:52:12 PM

Login with username, password and session length

MATTER OF FACT FERRIS BUELLER

Started by Sebastian Cobb, October 11, 2017, 03:24:16 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Sebastian Cobb

Ferris gets caught trying to hack into the school and is expelled and convicted of a fedral crime. His day of truancy costs him 25 years and he never graduates high school.

Steven

After Principle Rooney is arrested for possession of child pornography and accused of soliciting a 14-year-old boy to pose for nude photographs, his relentlessly draconian persuit of Ferris for his suspected truancy transgressions is seen in a whole new light.

Gregory Torso

Matthew Broderick emerges from a hole and sees his own shadow, ushering in another forty years of pestilence and famine.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

#3
MATTHEW BRODERICK  ( * driving off in flash car* ): No school for me !

ENRAGED TEACHER : Grrrr! Come back !

* SOME OTHER STUFF HAPPENS*

* FAST FORWARD MANY YEARS LATER *

SPIDER- MAN (V/O)  : MATTHEW  BRODERICK  was to regret that day off school, as that was the day many important lessons were had regarding how to have a dead film good career. Ironically, Reese Witherspoon attended those classes, all preppy and keen- like, and look what happened to her.

MATTHEW BRODERICK,  BEN STILLER  AND EDDIE MURPHY ARE ALL STANDING AROUND A PLUSH HOTEL ROOM.

BEN STILLER: OK,  we're going to drive this solid gold car down the side of the building, and get Hawkeye from M* A* S*H 's sorry ass thrown into jail. It's OK,  no-one will see us , they're all looking at big balloons and shit.

* EDDIE MURPHY says relatively little, and looks like he'd rather  be somewhere else, say, the 1980s.*

JERRY STILLER'S GHOST: OK Vey! This is what my son does for a living now? What was all that advice I gave you, chopped liver? I'm doing revolutions in my grave, over here!

BEN STILLER: You're not actually dead yet, dad.

JERRY STILLER 'S NOW APPARENTLY LIVING BODY, NOT HIS GHOST: Now, don't you give me no backchat, young man! You're not so big as I can't give you a clip round the ear. Actually  with those ears, how could I miss?

* An argument ensues. MATTHEW BRODERICK turns to the camera, looking all miserable and hang dog like his latter-day version always fucking does, if they ever make a live action film of Droopy the dog, he 's a shoo- in for the lead role, fucking state of him *

MATTHEW BRODERICK : Stay in school, kids. Days off are for loosers.

* SPIDER-MAN enters, and puts a " Well said, feller " type hand on MATTHEW BRODERICK 'S shoulder. *

Fade to black.




Norton Canes

I have never watched Ferris Bueller

JoeyBananaduck

Ferris approaches the school gates.

Bully #2: Oi Ferris! I'm going to give you a good duffing once you get in 'ere for having such a stupid fuckin' name.

Ferris (to self): Lawks! Sod this for a game of soldiers. I don't want ten shades of shit beating out of me by Bully Number 2 again. I've barely healed from last time! I reckon I'll play hooky and hilarity will ensue.

Passerby: Is this the one where Phoebe Cates gets her tits out?

Ferris: No, I'm pretty sure that's Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Passerby: Ah, stuff it then.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on October 12, 2017, 10:46:09 AM
Ferris approaches the school gates.

Bully #2: Oi Ferris! I'm going to give you a good duffing once you get in 'ere for having such a stupid fuckin' name.

Ferris (to self): Lawks! Sod this for a game of soldiers. I don't want ten shades of shit beating out of me by Bully Number 2 again. I've barely healed from last time! I reckon I'll play hooky and hilarity will ensue.

Passerby: Is this the one where Phoebe Cates gets her tits out?

Ferris: No, I'm pretty sure that's Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Passerby: Ah, stuff it then.

JUDGE REINHOLD *  pausing in mid- masturbate * looks like I'm wasting my time here, then.

MATTHEW BRODERICK: I'm like  all " Woah! Quit Jenkins off in this film, dude! Not cool! This is a PG rated flick! You Gotta stow that shit! Put your junk away! "

SPIDER- MAN  ( Removing Spiderman mask to reveal he is actually an aged looking Jim Carrey) : Why did you say " Jenkins Off ", bro?

Lisa Jesusandmarychain : It's this pesky tablet, I meant to type out " Jerking Off ".

SPIDER JIM CARREY: Well, Lisa, when it comes to technological stuff, you don't seem a very " Able Guy" !!

JUDGE REINHOLD: I'll be the " Judge" of that !!

Everyone: Ha Ha Ha !!

PHOEBE CATES: Which one of you bastards is my husband ?

SPIDER JIM CARREY: None of us. That would be Kevin Costner.

PHOEBE CATES: Oh, yeah. Soz.

REESE WITHERSPOON (Turning to camera, and almost taking the camera man's eye out with that chin of hers ) : Daft, I call it.

( I'm just continuing JoeyBananaduck ' s scene. Isn't that nice of me? )