Incredibly Funny Phone Alert Tones.... Ltd

[Spoon of Ploff]

Guaranteed to make us cash by the bit bucket full.

- the sound of Sid Little throwing five raw eggs at Eddie Large's bare back (chortle)
- a fridge magnet landing on a slug (titter)
- a fridge magnet landing on a slug v2 (with added flange woop woop)
- Barney Gumble's "don't cry for me i'm already dead" (your AA buddies will be in fits)
- Oingo Boingo  (have the mums wetting themselves during the school run)
- Donald Trump's tiny fingers tapping on a table top.
- The CABer of your choice saying "Donald Trump's tiny fingers tapping on a table top"

please add to this library of hilarity

thanks,
S'Ploff

[pancreas]

Paul Hollywood slapping dough against a work surface.
The Clangers singing Candle In The Wind
Collected sounds of the Chip Shop

[Spoon of Ploff]

Incredibly Funny Phone Alert Tones.... Ltd is closing down, due to being sued by various third parties for copyright infringements. So in our closing down sale choose from on of these sounds:

- a 10 minute john  bonham drum solo that cannot be stopped
- a jackdaw shitting in nigel farage's pint glass
- a 20 pound note being set fire to in front of an homeless man
- "bring back our plucky Peter Files!"
- robbie coltrane expiring into a sock
- stan collymore rummaging around in his pockets for two mummified brussel sprouts
- the 52 "Errrms" you stuttered at your last job interview

[Mr Brightside]

George Michael's death fart
Ewan McGregor's penis slapping the cheek of a common squirrel monkey
Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven read by Joe Pasquale
Final phonecalls from collapsing Twin Towers

[JoeyBananaduck]

Swampy having a big wank in an open field
Stephen Hawking recovering from a forced shutdown
Tony Robinson saying "I have a cunning plan" with very little enthusiasm
Tony Blackburn's post-divorce breakdown
John Lennon's spacker impression
Germaine Greer staunchly refusing to shave her pubes

[pancreas]

Final phonecalls from collapsing Twin Towers

I set this as my wake up alarm.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Trigger making a face.

[Gwen Taylor on ITV]

The sound of banter.

[JoeyBananaduck]

A....a....tee hee....oh I can't tell you....it's too rude....oh, ok. Ok, are you ready? A fart.

[Spoon of Ploff]

- "do it... kill them... kill them all!!" as shouted by legendary footballer mick mills
- the sound of an old pound coin landing on a collection plate
- kittens describing each entry into this years Wimblewrong. yes, even that one
- a peter sutcliffe lookalike slipping in some porridge and banging his elbow against an ottoman
- "You are no nearer catching me now than four years ago when I started"

[hamfist]

"ALLAHU AKHBAR"