GENEROUS SEAGULL.

[Glebe]

GENEROUS SEAGULL pays not only the restaurant bill, but the taxi fare, too. He's GENEROUS , is that SEAGULL!*

*Hence the name.

[Glebe]

GS buys you a 4K telly for your 60th birthday.

[BlodwynPig]

GK steals one of your chips but brings you back a freshly caught haddock.

[Glebe]

GK steals one of your chips but brings you back a freshly caught haddock.

GK?! He's a seagull, not a kite, Blodders!

[poo]

GS bakes you a lovely cake, and refuses any payment.

[JoeyBananaduck]

He'd give you the last feather off his back, that GS. Just the kind of fella he is.

[BlodwynPig]

'ere, have my precariously positioned but warm nest within this precipitous cliff face, I'll bed down on the damp rocks below.

[Gregory Torso]

Generous Seagull takes you out for a lovely pub dinner. On the way home, the two of you are ambushed by Wanker Heron, A Bit Shit Bittern and Pro-Apartheid Penguin. "I'll fend them off!" screams your avian chum. "Just see Mrs Seagull is well done by!"

[canadagoose]

Generous seagull swoops on you, steals your crisps but shits on your backpack. 99p,  Halfords

[Lemming]

Generous Seagull gives you a reach-around, unprompted

Generous Seagull demands the ability to pay £2 for any given product at Poundland, to support the business. It begins squawking angrily and shitting all over the Great Bargains section when the cashier nervously tells it that it must pay the £1 specified on the price sticker

Generous Seagull "treats you" to a five-course dinner, three times a day for two full weeks. It begins squawking angrily and shitting all over your food when you beg for mercy

You mention in passing that you vaguely remember enjoying classic 90s TV series "Charmed". You watch an episode later that night and decide it wasn't up to much. Generous Seagull turns up the next day with the full box-set, every existing action figure, tickets to a convention, a meeting with the cast and crew, etc.

After accidentally shitting all over you, Generous Seagull offers to give you its spare clothes for free, as compensation. "ENOCH WAS RIGHT", your new shirt reads

[Glebe]

"20 John Player Blue, please."

"£8 please, mate."

"Oh shit, I'm 52p short!"

GENEROUS SEAGULL to the rescue!

[Glebe]

Generous Seagull takes you out for a lovely pub dinner. On the way home, the two of you are ambushed by Wanker Heron, A Bit Shit Bittern and Pro-Apartheid Penguin. "I'll fend them off!" screams your avian chum. "Just see Mrs Seagull is well done by!"

Heh!

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

GENEROUS SEAGULL : Here you are, mate. I've bought you something.

HUMAN RECIPIENT: Gawsh, Thanks.

THE BOYS AND GIRLS OF COOKDANDBOMBD: This isn't a " Matter Of Fact " Thread, Lisa..

LISA JESUSANDMARYCHAIN: Oh, my. How embarrassing!

TBAGOCAB: Don't worry about it, mate.

LISA JAMC: Oh, cheers!

GS: Yeah, we're all friends here.

* HAPPY ENDING *

There should be more threads like this, I reckon.

[Glebe]

"Ambassador SEAGULL, with these Ferrero Rochers, you are really spoiling us!"

"Think nothing of it, LADY SPARROWHAWK. My parties are renowned throughout Europe for their elegance, class and style, but above all my generosity is of particular note!"

[BlodwynPig]

GS offers Glebe some pearls of wisdom

"Don't you think you're overdoing these whimsy threads?"

"Wha...?"

"I mean, 5am and you're mad posting, mate"

"How very dare you!"

"Look, why don't you and me go down the harbour and grab a bite to eat. My treat. Lovely sunrise this time of year"

"I just..."

"Shhh now, just inhale and relax, it will be A-OK"

RIP Glebe

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

General C. Gull (Retd.) is momentarily confused. Blinded by age and infirmity, he relies on his computer to read him the contents of online comedy fora, and the heavily accented synthetic voice obscures its subject.

[Glebe]

GS offers Glebe some pearls of wisdom

"Don't you think you're overdoing these whimsy threads?"

"Wha...?"

"I mean, 5am and you're mad posting, mate"

"How very dare you!"

"Look, why don't you and me go down the harbour and grab a bite to eat. My treat. Lovely sunrise this time of year"

"I just..."

"Shhh now, just inhale and relax, it will be A-OK"

RIP Glebe

ME: It's alright, I survived!

GS: You win this time, Grebe, but next time... next time!

ME: It's Glebe, not Grebe...

GS: Oh shit!

GALLANT GREBE: I knew GENEROUS SEAGULL was not to be trusted!

[Lemming]

"Ambassador SEAGULL, with these Ferrero Rochers, you are really spoiling us!"

"Think nothing of it, LADY SPARROWHAWK. My parties are renowned throughout Europe for their elegance, class and style, but above all my generosity is of particular note!"

I wish Karma still existed, this is making me laugh in a way I can't even describe. And so is "Pro-Apartheid Penguin" a few posts back.

[Glebe]

I wish Karma still existed, this is making me laugh in a way I can't even describe. And so is "Pro-Apartheid Penguin" a few posts back.

I love this forum.

[Glebe]

GS gives you his last Rolo*.

*Soft, creamy toffee in a milk chocolate cup.

[Gregory Torso]

Generous Seagull regurgitates a puck of partially digested herring guts and feather bits at your feet as an apology for the chip bouquet his mates twatted out of your hands last week in Skegness.

[BlodwynPig]

GS writes his will - "Fucking Cormorants definitely not getting anything, the scummers"

10 minutes later - "That was a bit harsh"

Leave the Cormorants his entire collection of coastal twigs.

[Glebe]

"Here, you can finish my curry." Cheers, GS!

[Glebe]

GENEROUS SEAGULL gets a job at Burger King, and gives free refills, against company policy.

[Glebe]

"Wait a minute, mate... there's an extra packet of ginger nuts in here!"

GT says nowt, only tips you a wink... there's a real spirit of generousity about, ever since he started working in Tesco! "NEXT!"

[pancreas]

GS has a nice present lined up for you. A really bloody nice present that you deserve because that's the esteem in which he holds you. Oh yeah, you're gonna love GS's present to you. It's a really, really nice fucking present so open up your goddamn mouth and say COO, motherfucker.

[BlodwynPig]

Alright Darren, I've just killed your girlfriend.

You what?!

I saw her giving you some lip in the pub last week. No..No..don't thank me, just helping a mate out.

[Glebe]

"Hang on, mate, I'll just pop another flake into your generously-large 99."

"Cheers, GT! Glad to see the ice cream business is working out well for you!"

[pancreas]

'This'll sort you out lad,' says Generous Seagull handing a baggie of smack to Wretched Puffin.

'Err. Cheers mate,' stutters WP. 'How much do I owe yer?'

'Nothing! First time's for free.'

[Glebe]

'This'll sort you out lad,' says Generous Seagull handing a baggie of smack to Wretched Puffin.

'Err. Cheers mate,' stutters WP. 'How much do I owe, yer?'

'Nothing! First time's for free.'

This incident, if true, suggests than GT may be more... complex than we at first assumed.