GENEROUS SEAGULL.

[Glebe]

"Did someone mention 'all the trimmings?'" Oh GENEROUS SEAGULL, your dinners are plentiful and abundant - and full of flavour!

[Gregory Torso]

Generous Seagull makes sure Mrs Seagull is fully sexually satisified before he finishes.

[pancreas]

Generous S. always puts on a bumper load of Champagne and Vol-au-vents at his infection parties.

[Glebe]

GENEROUS SEAGULL doesn't charge you for a packet of Basset's Allsorts that fall into your bag as you're leaving his shop. "Don't worry about it, mate."

[Glebe]

GS redecorates your house for NOTHING. For fucking NOTHING!

[pancreas]

GS redecorates your house for NOTHING. For fucking NOTHING!

He even insulates it with asbestos!

[Glebe]

He even insulates it with asbestos!

When he discovers his mate Phil the Cormorant has used the highly-dangerous and controversial material, he fires him and has it replaced with safe insulation.

[pancreas]

When he discovers his mate Phil the Cormorant has used the highly-dangerous and controversial material, he fires him

With real fire!

and has it replaced with safe insulation.

Made from ground up panda bears!

[pancreas]

G Seagull tells you he'll take your fish and chips off you for a quid. Best deal you'll get for 'em, he points out.

[Glebe]

"That flan looks so tempting," remarks GREEDY JACKDAW, "I would so love a slice!"

"Go on, help yourself," offers GS, "just go easy on the calories, watch the ol' ticker!"

[Glebe]

GS is reading a Stephen King book on a long train journey, when the old man opposite him pipes up.

"I do so enjoy a good novel, but I didn't have time to grab some reading material in the station!"

"Here mate, have my book! I'll just look out at the view."

"Oh you are most kind. Although it is a bit weird meeting a reading seagull on a train."

"Don't worry about it. All will be well," adds GS, waving his wing in a kind of Jedi mind-trick motion.

[pancreas]

When the old man starts to read the book it turns out GS had just stuck a dust cover on Mein Kampf.

[BlodwynPig]

GS has a massive breakdown, goes into the schoolyard and throws his collection of 1000 panini stickers into the air, smiling as the kids scramble to gather the scattered treasure.

*this actually happened in the 80s, I ended up with 32 Arnold Mührens

[poo]

How long you parking for mate?
About half an hour.
Here, have my ticket - it's valid until 4.
Oh nice one, cheers.

[pancreas]

Here, have my ticket - it's valid until 4.

4 the previous day.

[Glebe]

GS has a massive breakdown, goes into the schoolyard and throws his collection of 1000 panini stickers into the air, smiling as the kids scramble to gather the scattered treasure.

*this actually happened in the 80s, I ended up with 32 Arnold Mührens

Did you speak to the famously-generous gull? What was he like?

[BlodwynPig]

Did you speak to the famously-generous gull? What was he like?

Nothing like Pancreas' is making out. He even showed me his engorged gullet

[Glebe]

Nothing like Pancreas' is making out. He even showed me his engorged gullet

*contacts police about historic incident*

[BlodwynPig]

*contacts police about historic incident*

Look if we're going to trawl through events that happened decades ago and pick people/animals up on minor indiscretions that didn't severely damage someone (me), then I think we'd all better kill ourselves now.

GS: "No, no, he's got a point, I'll hand myself in and do the time. You can have the keys to my Malibu Condo whilst I'm inside."

[Glebe]

Look if we're going to trawl through events that happened decades ago and pick people/animals up on minor indiscretions that didn't severely damage someone (me), then I think we'd all better kill ourselves now.

GS: "No, no, he's got a point, I'll hand myself in and do the time. You can have the keys to my Malibu Condo whilst I'm inside."

Meanwhile PERILOUS PUFFIN is out on bail. "It's a fucking witch hunt," he whines, pathetically.

[Glebe]

"Fuck it, I can't afford a season ticket for United this year!" bemoans Footie Finch.

"Not to worry," reassures GS, "you can have mine! I'm only a fair weather fan, anyway!"

"...Or should that be fair feather fan?" chips in Humourous Hawk. They all laugh.

[Ray Travez]

Generous Seagull humbly apologises for the actions of the rest of his race. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" he says, and a pale golden light shines behind his eyes

[BlodwynPig]

The young boy's eyes light up as he sees GS approaching. He's heard the tales from school friends. Boxes of sweets for Gareth, a trip to the fun park for Tabitha, an electric car for Johnny.

GS: "hello there Gabriel"

Gabriel: "hello sir gull" - he tries not to look expectant.

GS: "Ey up, what have I got here"

Gabriel pees his pants in excitement.

GS: "why it's a bag full of cockles fresh from the sea, I'll have no use for these, I tell you what, would you like them Gabriel, Gabriel?, Gab..."

[JoeyBananaduck]

When Generous Seagull and his mate Gareth '140' McDarts went on Bullseye in 1991 he insisted that Gareth keep their entire prize haul, cash and all. "I don't need it really, mate. I only came on for 3 reasons. To help you, to try to get meself a Bendy Bully, and to meet Jim & Tony".

[Glebe]

When Generous Seagull and his mate Gareth '140' McDarts went on Bullseye in 1991 he insisted that Gareth keep their entire prize haul, cash and all. "I don't need it really, mate. I only came on for 3 reasons. To help you, to try to get meself a Bendy Bully, and to meet Jim & Tony".

He even hands over the Bendy Bully, though looking closely, Gareth can see a tiny tear roll down his beak.

[Gregory Torso]

Generous Gull arrives home to find someone has spray-painted the words "GUL TOUCH KIDS" across his front door. He shrugs and good naturedly mutters "kids, eh?" as he goes to fill a bucket of soapy water. Two days later, across his front lawn, burnt into the grass: "GENRUS GUL IS A PETER".

[Glebe]

"Here, I got you a trug for collecting your mushrooms in, Garden Gull!"

"Aw, cheers, GS, I... here, wait a minute, this trug is knocked off! It belongs to Mushroom Macaw... there's his initials on it!"

"Oh no, sorry, I bought it down the market... I'll make sure it's returned this, er, 'Mushroom Macaw' bloke, and I'll buy you a brand new, expensive trug in B&Q"

"Oh, that's so kind of you," replies Garden Gull, realizing now that he can exploit GS's kindness for his own gain...

[Gregory Torso]

The Seagull Of Generosity catches the Heron Of Wankery daubing filth on his garage door. He just shakes his head in disappointment and asks the heron if he fancies a nice cup of soup.

[Glebe]

"Packet of Hula Hoops, Mr. Patel. Ah shit, I'm 12p short."

"Here you go, mate, keep the change!"

"Cheers, GS, now I can buy three packets of Hula Hoops - in a variety of flavours!"

"Good for you, 'Crisps' Nightingale."

[Glebe]

"Oh no, I totalled my Ford Fiesta and now have no car anymore. It was an old car, but still."

"Here, 'Driving Bird', have my Rolls Royce. It's brand new, fresh from the showroom," smiles GS, handing him the keys.