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GENEROUS SEAGULL.

Started by Glebe, October 15, 2017, 09:05:53 PM

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BlodwynPig

"Oh, woe betide me, I haven't had sex in 13 years, what am I to do" says Barren Booby

GS with a glimmer in his eye rubbers up.

pancreas

'Of course, Wretched Puffin!' says GS. 'I'd be delighted to write you a reference!'

Glebe

"I could go down for this, GS. I'm talking hard time... maybe even life imprisonment!"

"Don't worry, Felony Pelican. I'll take the rap and do the time. You pop in the shower and get all that blood off. You can use my expensive bodywash if y'like!"

Gregory Torso

Quote from: Glebe on November 02, 2017, 01:21:50 AM
"I could go down for this, GS. I'm talking hard time... maybe even life imprisonment!"

"Don't worry, Felony Pelican. I'll take the rap and do the time. You pop in the shower and get all that blood off. You can use my expensive bodywash if y'like!"

Ha ha

Glebe

"Generous, I'm not going to lie to you, mate. I know you're a soft touch and I want some cash."

GS hands his credit card over to Pushy Plover without hesitation. He doesn't need to give him the PIN.

"Clear me out, mate," he sighs half-heartedly, but Plover is already out the door and ready for a spree.

JoeyBananaduck

I'd like to think GS has blocked his card and when PP returns he gets £50 cash-in-hand. "Curb your habits mate. I'm just looking out for you."

GS takes to the coastal skies at bright golden dawn, he swings and loops, spirals up up up, and then down. Wind, updraft, seaspray, a clear mind and a full heart.
On his return to land he relates his experiences to his old mate Anxiety Tit and manages to lift his mood for a few hours. Tells him to try get out an about on the old wing, good for the noggin mate.

Gregory Torso

Generous Seagull watches The Godfather part III. "Yeah, that was really good. Definitely as good as the first two."

Gregory Torso

Quote from: Foggy Buntwhistle on November 02, 2017, 11:48:41 AM
GS takes to the coastal skies at bright golden dawn, he swings and loops, spirals up up up, and then down. Wind, updraft, seaspray, a clear mind and a full heart.
On his return to land he relates his experiences to his old mate Anxiety Tit and manages to lift his mood for a few hours. Tells him to try get out an about on the old wing, good for the noggin mate.

Anxiety Tit careens into the sea. "This isn't how you said it would be!!"
Wanker Heron: "what a tit!"

Glebe

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on November 02, 2017, 10:16:10 AM
I'd like to think GS has blocked his card and when PP returns he gets £50 cash-in-hand. "Curb your habits mate. I'm just looking out for you."

PP bursts into tears. "You're right, mate, I've got a serious problem, thanks for caring mate."

Glebe

"Generous Seagull, will you sell your house and car and any other assets and give me the money?" asks Chancer Crow.

"Yes."

pancreas


Glebe

"Fuck it, I'm really stressed, I need a holiday," sighs Workaholic Wren.

"Here, you can go on my holiday. I've saved for two years and I my fiancé and I were really looking forward to this, but here you go, here's the plane tickets for you and your wife, and my suitcase full of expensive suits. I'll phone your boss for you and arrange the time off, you grab your passport and stuff - don't forget y'toothbrush, heh! - and prepare for two relaxing, fun-packed weeks in beautiful, sunny Barbados, mate."

"Er, WOW... thanks, Generous, I don't know what to say!"

"Don't say nowt, just send me a postcard!"

"Thanks a lot! Er, don't mean to be ungracious or anything though but, but it is a little bit weird..."

BlodwynPig

"Don't worry, here's the money for the stamp"

Glebe

Quote from: BlodwynPig on November 03, 2017, 11:00:03 PM
"Don't worry, here's the money for the stamp"

"Also, don't stress about actually writing the postcard. Just send it to me blank and I'll make the effort to write something really good and credit it to you, thanks in advance you're a great mate wish I was there!"

BlodwynPig

"Oh, and don't bother taking the time off to go on the holiday. I've planned all that. I'll go in your place and write you a postcard telling you how great it is. Save you valuable time away from work"

Glebe

GS does overtime for two weeks and wires his extra pay to Wren. "Anything for a mate... anything!"

Glebe

GS notices Edward Woodward being led to the Wicker Man. "No, take me!" It changes the plot of the cult horror movie forever, and there's roast gull for supper. "Cheers, GS, I'll never forget you for this!" smiles Woodward, tucking into a wing.

Glebe

"GS, I need your wife and children as I have no family of my own," demands Crazy Cuckoo.

"Be my guest!" replies GS cheerily. "Take the family home, too - I'll move out and end my days alone in a bedsit!"

Glebe

"Thanks for joining me on this trip to Vegas, GS, but I must tell you, I'm in a spot of bother with the mob."

"Don't worry, Gambling Goose, I'll go and meet your ganster friends and convince them that I am fully responsibility for the debt."

Later that night, GS is digging his own grave in the desert.

Gregory Torso

Generous Seagull cracks his unborn children into a big frying pan and makes runny egg sandwiches for a couple of fishermen who look like they skipped breakfast.

GS plucks himself bald and stuffs and eiderdown with the feathers then gives it to a shivering chihuahua.

Generous Gull donates his legs to the RSPB. When the horrified woman explains that they can't accept them, he says "well they're off now, love! I'll just leave them here ok, and if someone wants them they can help themselves!"

Glebe

Quote from: Gregory Torso on November 05, 2017, 12:14:42 PMGenerous Gull donates his legs to the RSPB. When the horrified woman explains that they can't accept them, he says "well they're off now, love! I'll just leave them here ok, and if someone wants them they can help themselves!"

That is quite simply fantastic.

GS drops in on his old mate Grateful Gannet from their egg days together on the cliff edge. "S'it going GG, how's life?"

"Not brill to be honest GS, the wife's had a bad diagnosis, wing cancer, caught it quite late. Doc says it'll probably have to come off. Bit of a shitter to put it mildly."

"Here, *crack* take this."

"B-but, aren't you gonna need it mate?"

"be alreet."

"Thanks pal, you're the best. Really really appreciate it. Wife'll be over the moon!"


Glebe

Quote from: Foggy Buntwhistle on November 05, 2017, 01:56:37 PMGS drops in on his old mate Grateful Gannet from their egg days together on the cliff edge.

Heh!

"I'm in debt and I can't afford to buy my house," remarks House-Buying Hen.

GS takes out his life savings...

Glebe

"Generous Seagull, will you endeavour to defend our people against the dark forces that now plague our land?" enquired King Cormorant.

"I will lay down my life to protect you, that I promise," vowed GS.

That night there was a great feast; oaths were sworn, and many were the toasts drunk in honour of friendship and loyalty. But the day dawned red, the crimson sun a harbinger of the bloody battle to come.

BlodwynPig

The next day GS was slaughtered, but not before getting the Shag.

Glebe

Quote from: BlodwynPig on November 06, 2017, 01:20:29 AMThe next day GS was slaughtered, but not before getting the Shag.

"Do not weep, Princess Puffin, for you will bear a son by the late hero," predicts Seer Sandpiper.

Tlentifini Maarhaysu

Generous Seagull hangs around outside the primary school with tempting talk of puppies and sweets.

He actually has puppies. AND sweets. Nothing sinister here.

Glebe

"How do you manage to remain so generous in such a cruel, heartless world?" Inquiring Robin asks GS.

"It's all explained in my new book, GENEROUS SEAGULL: My Life of Generosity! It normally retails at around £22.99, or you can order direct from Puffin Press (for an additional £1.50 P&P), but you can have a complimentary copy absolutely free!"

"Thanks Generous Seagull, that's very generous of you!"

"It's 'GENEROUS SEAGULL',  not 'Generous Seagull'," he snaps back, with surprising ferocity.

Tlentifini Maarhaysu

GENEROUS SEAGULL takes over the running of Jester's, Haverfordwest's premier comedy and music nite-spot, and immediately block-books Little and Large on an exclusive contract for the next six years.