MATTER OF FACT MATTER OF FACT THREAD

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

GLEBE: Just doing another one of these threads.

THE BOYS AND GIRLS OF CAB: Yeah, alright, sound, mate.

DANGLED TEETH: I wish more of you boys and girls of CAB would read the posts I put on ' ere, I know for a fact you stop reading them halfway through, and I spend fucking ages on 'em, you miserable cunts.

THE BOYS AND GIRLS OF CAB: Well you should be more concise and massively funny, just like Lisa Jesusandmarychain is when she has a go at them. Such is their wit and outright brilliance, we dare not sully them with our inane remarks, hence the fuck all replies status of a lot of them.

( In the background, we see SPIDER- MAN striding off, as if going home after a hard day's work. He is wearing a flat cap, a long beige coat, and carrying a large, brown paper bag. He looks to his right, espies the collected CABBERS,  and looks a bit confused. )

HILLARY CLINTON: This is one of the worst posts in the entire history of CAB.

[Glebe]

SPIDER-MAN: What is happening now?

GARY SPARROW: It's MATTER OF FACT MATTER OF FACT.

GHOSTBUSTER: This is incredible, collect ectoplasm samples.

[DangledTeeth]

Ha ha ha ha. Yep, that's about right. I think their becoming bored 'halfway through' is a bit generous, though. I'd have thought it was after a few lines.
Fortunately I type lengthy MoFs in a Text file in parts and copy and paste when finished, doesn't seem like an effort.

I'm getting used to the original concept of 'Matter of Fact'. Having said that, my first MoF Latter Day Simpsons was fairly long-winded.


Matter of Fact Matter of Fact


Me: 'MoF' doesn't mean 'submit your fan script'.

Victor Meldrew: Don't not take my exclamations of disbelief seriously, for I utter my catchphrase whenever I've witnessed an occurrence, therefore
my comprehension of reality is sufficient. I do know it.

Jimmy Corkhill: Cohm 'ead! Duh beezihs! Smackghk! Phrases of Broohksiiide.

Shaun Wallace: You know me, Dangly, I never take anything for granted!

DangledTeeth: Finally I've got the hang of this. And no OFAH for once.

UK Gold: The tags section of CaB is no more, meaning there aren't inspiring reminders of MoF OFAH like 'Cassandra's miscarriage' and thread-related variations of 'Del Boy falls through the bar'. But you'll eventually catch a glimpse of an OFAH episode one day, mate. You think you're gonna watch a Blackadder? Wrong! You will be inspired and do some stupid programme or film crossover while beating a dead (only fools and) horse(s).

Instagram: Your 88.2 million followers accumulated through nearly 2 and 1/2 years of hard artistic graft has paid off. Forget the telly. Those commissions are coming in! #mofofahisover #bepithy #youcandoitmate

Me: I MUST RESIST!






















Me: Not quite there yet.

Ronnie Corbett: Goodbye 1

Ronnie Barker: Goodbye 2

[JoeyBananaduck]

THEME SONG: Anything by Enya. That one that sounds like all the others. The Enya Song.

Glebe: Alright readers, I'm just about to run myself a nice relaxing soak. No gandering me nethers, you cheeky numptys.

[Across town]

DangledTeeth: I too here in my home am also preparing for a bath. You can gander me nethers if you want but I must warn you, they'll be photoshopped with a surprising degree of effort.

[Further across town]

JBD (i.e. me): Hello, my name is Joey. I have failed to make any impact on the forum as yet but gamely join in having little better to do. Not sure I can be arsed to have a bath though. Ah sod it, better had. Do what you like with my nethers, I can't be arsed with them anyway.

[Somewhere in the cosmos]

The Spirit of Del Boy: Ooh Rodders, imagine....imagine if we had an adventure where we got in a tussel with some sort of peregrine falcon over a sandwich.

The Spirit of Rodders: 'king hell.

[3 baths run cold. The world spins.]