The worst book I've ever read

[mr beepbap]

Not the worst , but Touching the Void was a disappointing grind when the documentary I've not seen is supposed to be good.
Fella gets left for dead up a mountain with a broken leg and spends a few days slidingdown on his ass.
Somehow makes this boring as fuck, using mountaineering/geographical terms I don't know the meaning od to describe places and action I can't visualise.
It was a bigger achievement for me to get through it than him getting back from his glory hunting bollocks gone wrong.

[mr beepbap]

So boring i posted.it twice

[mothman]

That's brilliant though.

In my more cynical moments, I do wonder whether writing Christian fiction under a pseudonym might net me a shitload of cash. If I get really desperate, maybe I'll sink that low.

I read something recently that was actually quite good, dystopian near-future pseudocyberpunk. But at one point it goes and says "after the great climate change swindle was uncovered..." Wait, what? Funny thing was though, there was nothing else in there that seemed excessively wingnutty. Was the author just trolling? There wasn't any subsequent elaboration on that throwaway piece of backstory. Very odd.

[Pepotamo1985]

I don't know, that's exceptionally poor writing (and obviously wingnuttery) if it's serious - but really quite funny if just meant as a little troll/knowing wink. Quite a lot of sci-fi/satire has stuff like that in it - think this bit from Sleeper; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFxksNcLfcA.

It sounds likely it wasn't too bad, so I'd potentially side with the latter, but it would make me stop and think if I came across it.

Still, delving into wingnut stuff on occasion just for lulz I frequently come across sweeping asides like that (take for instance, an article I found recently about THE TRUE STORY OF WORLD WAR II by some cretin that claimed Hitler was in fact an anti-NWO hero, which said quite casually "as has now been conclusively established, nuclear weapons are a hoax" without further discussion) so it's best if antennas are raised and twitchy at all times.

[pigamus]

What I don't get is - by definition, the worst book I've ever read wasn't that bad, because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten fifty pages in, let alone finished it.

Is that just me?

[zomgmouse]

What I don't get is - by definition, the worst book I've ever read wasn't that bad, because otherwise I wouldn't have gotten fifty pages in, let alone finished it.

Is that just me?

Well, otherwise it would be the worst book you didn't entirely read.

[Keebleman]

About 25 years ago a friend lent me a book about haunted airfields that was the literary equivalent of an Edward D Wood production.  The author was jaw-droppingly credulous, presenting the tiniest sight or sound without an immediately apparent source as evidence of ghosts; he had a bizarre obsession...with ellipses...that served no fucking...purpose; and he was blissfully clueless about the impression he was making on the reader.

A quarter of a century on I can't do more than loosely imitate his bonkers style, but one bit that always stayed with me was where he was describing his attempts to investigate the haunting of a decommissioned radar station or something, that had some official designation like GS2497.  He used GS2497 so frequently in just a couple of paragraphs that it swiftly became a comic motif.

The GS2497 files were not available to me, no matter how hard I tried...I spoke to people about GS2497...they didn't know anything, or said they didn't...I called the RAF to ask about GS2497...no sooner did I mention the words GS2497 than they slammed the phone down.

He was clearly just a mentalist and a pest, but he interpreted people's annoyance with him as evidence of a conspiracy and that he was closing in on it.

[gilbertharding]

I've hated reading lots of 'great books'. Midnight's Children, for instance, I was considering binning even three pages from the end...

If you mean 'worst book', for me it's Bad Wisdom by Bill Drummond and Zodiac Mindwarp, which I trudged through without ever finishing. Crap. Self-indulgent, meaningless, rubbish.

Or Doors Open, the only Ian Rankin book I've ever read - which I did because I was in a book group for a while. It was a non-Rebus one, but if that's the standard of his plotting and characterisation, I'm disappointed in the book-buying public.

[Action Fish]

The Great Right Hope by M J Jackman. I got it following a good review in, I think, Word but as I recall it was full of the relentless, scatological hyperbole beloved of those berks that, for all I know, permanently ruined b3ta a few years back. Plus I'd got the impression it was a graphic novel, which it wasn't, so that was disappointing.

A look at the overwhelmingly positive Amazon reviews probably tells you everything you need to know.

[Pranet]

The worst book I have ever read was The Doctors- Who's Who by Craig Cabell.

I was not expecting a masterpiece but I thought short biographies of the actors who have played Doctor Who might be interesting, there is some good material there and I was really into Doctor Who at the time.

But the writing was awful. It is difficult to describe, it was a bit like reading one of those badly translated instruction leaflets you get with cheap electronics but at book length. It is bizarre.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

If you mean 'worst book', for me it's Bad Wisdom by Bill Drummond and Zodiac Mindwarp, which I trudged through without ever finishing. Crap. Self-indulgent, meaningless, rubbish.

It's not a very good book, but I wouldn't say it's terrible. I think MR. Zodiac Mindwarp lets the side down, but my memory is hazy - I'll have to reread it.

I'd personally nominate The World of Null-A as, if not the worst book, certainly one of the worst I've ever read. Nevertheless, I'd strongly recommend hunting down a copy of the revised edition if you can - it contains one of the most self-deluded forewards in all literature: the author, E. van Vogt appears to meet his detractors head on, seemingly accepting their criticism. But then does a one 180 and claims his book to be one of the most innovative and important books ever written.

I'll try to find the exact quote later as I'm away from home/my books at the moment.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

The classics: Kipling's Kim is possibly one of the most tedious book ever written. Though I've never understood the fuss with Kipling and can think of at least half a dozen writers from the same era who are better. The Great Gatsby is also tedious, and about as insightful as an Owen Jones article. Rich people are self-obsessed and narcissistic are they?  Thanks for letting me know. Brave New World is also fairly underwhelming. Not very well-written and a bit lightweight in both content and length.

[billtheburger]

I've complained about it in the past, but Ian McEwan's Atonement is the only book I've finished and thought was a proper load of shite.
Everyone else disagrees with me.
But it was wanky.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Some SciFi classics for you (to avoid like the space plague)

Ann Leckie's Ancillary Sword and Ancillary Mercy. Felt bad taking this to a charidy shop afterwards knowing someone else might spend actual money on them.
Liu Cixin's Three Body Problem... maybe it was the translation, but i couldn't finish this drek.. couldn't in all conscience put it somewhere another person might get hold of it - recycled the bastard

[Serge]

It's not a very good book, but I wouldn't say it's terrible. I think MR. Zodiac Mindwarp lets the side down, but my memory is hazy - I'll have to reread it.

Yeah, the Zodiac Mindwarp stuff is fucking awful - in his mind, he probably thought he was channelling Hunter S. Thompson, but basically it reads like the sort of drivel that a sex-obsessed fourteen year old would write. Bill Drummond does seem to hang around with some right cunts.

[mothman]

God, yes. Leckie's Ancillaries. What the fuck were those about? AIs running brain-wiped soldiers or something. They keep going on about tea being wonderful and only use female pronouns. Everybody raves about them. I read all three books and it was a struggle.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's not a very good book, but I wouldn't say it's terrible. I think MR. Zodiac Mindwarp lets the side down, but my memory is hazy - I'll have to reread it.

Nah agreed; I enjoyed the drummond bits but the manning bits were wank.

I'm not far in to the jams 2023 and enjoying it a lot.

[maett]

Eat, Pray, Love recommended by a friend because I liked travel. Not only the worst book I've ever read but the only book I actually hate.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Eat, Pray, Love recommended by a friend because I liked travel. Not only the worst book I've ever read but the only book I actually hate.

Just the title of it makes me feel hateful.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Bloody The Naked Lunch by William Burroughs. Yeah, I'm sure that Burroughs was a fascinating fellow to know, but fuck me Lunch is one of the most over-rated pieces of shite that it's ever been my displeasure to finally force myself through.

[Pranet]

I liked it when I was 17, don't know if I would now. I find it hard to imagine re-reading it.

Your post reminded that in terms of books that are supposed to be good On The Road is probably the one that annoyed me the most. It is always mentioned in threads like this so I am not being very original.

But I don't really like slagging off "classics". I tend to assume it is something missing in me if I don't get them.

[Serge]

I read On The Road when I was sixteen, and thought it was one of the greatest books ever written. Tried to re-read it in my thirties and realised what a big pile of crap it was. I did try and read a couple more of his in between, though can't remember which ones - one of them might have been Dharma Bums, whichever one it was started with some twat sitting on top of a mountain and going on about it.

I did make myself read every word of Naked Lunch, and there were odd passages I liked, but it was mostly gibberish. Junky was much better.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Bloody The Naked Lunch by William Burroughs. Yeah, I'm sure that Burroughs was a fascinating fellow to know, but fuck me Lunch is one of the most over-rated pieces of shite that it's ever been my displeasure to finally force myself through.

Fuck yes! Read during my 'beat' phase and didn't enjoy it one bit. It's just an experiment though isn't it? Cut and paste an all that.

I still love On the road, Dharma bums and desolation angels but that may just be nostalgia. I still read that stuff.

Worst book though? Beautiful You by Palanhuik. My god it's dire, I've not finished to and have no intention of doing so. It like a sex obsessed 14 year has just read Fight Club and wants to be all edgy and trying make some point about sexuality and the modern male. Do yourself a favour if you're a Palanhuik fan and leave this on be lads. It aint worth your time.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Eat, Pray, Love recommended by a friend because I liked travel. Not only the worst book I've ever read but the only book I actually hate.

God yes. Food as medicine, spirituality as calisthenics. Pass the Uzi.


(Not that I've actually read it of course.)

[MoonDust]

Atlas Shrugged.

To be fair I didn't actually read it all, I only read about 200 pages, but in my mind it was enough to judge that the rest of the book was going to be dull, tedious and cripplingly boring. Honestly, it's so fucking bad.

And this was before I became a massive trot. I read it at a time when I pretty apolitical and didn't know much about politics. Still thought it was bollocks.

Maybe that's what turned me more left wing....

[Mobius]

I read a Sci Fi book once where the spaceships were real living organisms and had sex to create more spaceships, which was incredibly shit.

I was trying to find a Sci Fi equivalent to Game of Thrones and I guess sex was the tenuous link between the two.

[Bad Ambassador]

I think The Da Vinci Code would work a lot better if it were restructured as a Choose Your Own Adventure. The same is true for Dan Brown's other books and all of literature.

Do you:
A. Suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?
or
B. Take arms against a sea of troubles?

[Andy147]

To Be or Not to Be: That is the Adventure has indeed been done.

[garbed_attic]

I've complained about it in the past, but Ian McEwan's Atonement is the only book I've finished and thought was a proper load of shite.
Everyone else disagrees with me.
But it was wanky.

Saturday is, to memory, the only book I've finished reading and then thrown across the room in anger and disgust.

Odd that someone should write such a good little novel as The Cement Garden and then becoming so relentlessly middlebrow and smug.

[mothman]

I read a Sci Fi book once where the spaceships were real living organisms and had sex to create more spaceships, which was incredibly shit.

I was trying to find a Sci Fi equivalent to Game of Thrones and I guess sex was the tenuous link between the two.

Thinking about it, Peter F. Hamilton's Naked God trilogy (plus spin-off book of short stories) might make for a good SF GoT TV show. Or his Confederation serieses (totalling 8 books I think, plus another short story collection) would be even better.

Which brings me nicely back to the thread topic. Because there's another, ninth book set in the Confederation universe, and it is truly the worst book I've ever read. Step up, Wasted Youth. It is absolutely awful.