Report wanks here

[popcorn]

Report your wanks in this thread. Unreported wanks will be punished.

TIME: 12/11/2017 12:20-12:34
METHOD: Hand (left)
STIMULI: Thinking
REMARKS: None

[BlodwynPig]

Time: now
Hand: too busy typing
Stimuli: wind in constricted gap between window and window glass
Remarks: ongoing

[Gregory Torso]

Time: Unrecorded (approx 4 mins)
Genre: Horror/fantasy
Synopsis: 2 women I work with call me into their office for my bimonthly piss appraisal.
Results: Shame and disappointment

[Glebe]

I spotted a wank around 10PM last night. Caucasian male, mid-fifties, two-hander, alleyway. Called Wank Police, they dealt him a severe drubbing. Thing he enjoyed it, shot load all over 'em. 5 years with 2 off for good behaviour.

[popcorn]

Someone called in an unattended wank in progress at Luton Airport the other week. Security arrived and performed a controlled detonation.

[kittens]

bout to go for one i reckon. results incoming

[popcorn]

It's been a few hours, kittens. Is everything proceeding within the agreed parameters?

I am expecting your response.

[kittens]

1hr+
disgust felt only briefly
satisfactory conclusion
results TBD but things looking good so far

[Gregory Torso]

Hypothesis: If a penis is subjected to both physical and mental stimuli it will do a spunk.

Procedure:We placed a small human penis in front of a selected sample of internet filth. Through manual stimulation, we
attempted to extract about a teaspoon of matter splatter.

Results: Wife came home early. All data was lost.

Conclusion: A penis exposed to internet filth will ejaculate, but only if the procedure is utterly controlled and uninterrupted.

[popcorn]

No wanks reported recently. We will be knocking on doors.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Had a wank in Nuremberg

Wanked in character so searched for mature Germans being pissed on

Was alright tbh they seemed to be enjoying it

[doppelkorn]

Lidl "Favorina" 12-pack of mince pies

[masterofreality]

TIME: 13/11/2017 21:30-21:54
METHOD: Hand (right)
STIMULI: Pancreas and Shoulders having a bitch fight in my deso contest thread.
REMARKS: Unusually sticky.

[machotrouts]

I don't like it when, at a glance, a thread looks like it has "Robot Wars" in the title, but it turns out it doesn't. This has ruined my latest wank

[poo]

I'd need a full-time personal assistant to keep this updated, so I'm out sorry.

[doppelkorn]

Starbucks mince pie in a Caffe Nero's toilet. Pretty posh right?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Shortish 30 something French lass, bodice, bosomly curvature resulting in jets of overspill.

7/10

[popcorn]

So no one's had any wanks since November 2017 have they?

I find that slightly hard to believe.

[Annie Labuntur]

A long time ago but I've felt weird about keeping it secret.

TIME: 27/06/1988 07.00-13.30 and 13.40-21.30
METHOD: Foot (left)
STIMULI: Daniel Day-Lewis
REMARKS: Said he was practising for a film