The Trivial Prison

[Glebe]

Michael is talking a walk around a field in Suffolk.

"Oh look! The first of the spring berries is in bloom!"

Twenty minutes later...

*WHOOP!*

"Turn that siren off, Constable. Sir, I am arresting you in accordance with current Trivial British Law, which states that whimsical utterances about seasonal changes are not permitted in public places. Or, indeed, for that matter, private places."

"Look, this is ridiculous... just take the handcuffs off, would you?"

"Resisting arrest? Keep it up, sir, I'm enjoying this..."

[Ferris]

"Oh, you're enjoying this, are you constable? Listen, I know we've been working cases together for nearly 6 years, and I've developed a fatherly relationship for you, as the son I never had, but, well... I have to take you downtown. Pity..."

"Sarge! ... no, please!"

"Get in the back of the van, lad. It's over. It's all over."

[Glebe]

"Oh, you're enjoying this, are you constable? Listen, I know we've been working cases together for nearly 6 years, and I've developed a fatherly relationship for you, as the son I never had, but, well... I have to take you downtown. Pity..."

"Sarge! ... no, please!"

"Get in the back of the van, lad. It's over. It's all over."

"But you said I'd be going places!"

"You are. To the Trivial Prison. And here, don't you start laughing, you're going down for enjoying spring, mate!"

[Glebe]

"I tell you what, this mattress is well comfy, love! Love? Love?!"

She sneaks out of the en suite bathroom and downstairs, half-naked, where she has a word with reception.

[drummersaredeaf]

Sargeant Jones caught dancing like Serpico with an expired permit. The judge takes a particularly dim view of those who should know better. 15 years in with the turbo-noncing serial murderers.

[Glebe]

"HA-HA! Wow! That's the first Donnesbury strip I ever understood!"

The man sitting next to you in the waiting room takes a badge out of his coat...

[Glebe]

"Think I'll pop outside for a breath of fresh air!"

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

[Glebe]

"Think I've corked the wine. Sorry, folks."

"Listen, Michael, I've just realised I have to be up early... don't mean to be rude, but I must leave." *looks meaningfully at the other guests*

[Glebe]

"By 'eck, but that were a fine bitta pork, that were, wife!"

"Eeee bah gum, it's the Trivial Prison for you, husband! I'll ring pit and tell 'em you'll not be coming to work again!"

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Local pet shop owner Dodd Boerhaave has been sentenced to 3 years in jail for grooming a dog over the internet.

[Ferris]

Local pet shop owner Dodd Boerhaave has been sentenced to 3 years in jail for grooming a dog over the internet.

Bumping a thread from over 90 days ago?

There are places for people like you, y'know.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

The former CEO of Daventry Dildos is to be dissolved in quicklime for completing his tax returns in blue biro.

[Glebe]

"Ah no, the shops are closed... if only I hadn't of taken that evening nap!"

Your wife makes the phone call.

[garbed_attic]

"I'll just shuffle the back of my feet into the shoes, rather than reaching down..."

Two weeks later, shackled, head smashed open against the wall in shower room. Justice served.

[Glebe]

It's your eighty-second birthday, and - as it happens - your twentieth parole hearing. You know they'll turn you down again, of course... shouldn't have waited at the wrong bus stop in 1962, you utter monster.

[Glebe]

"Norman Stanley Arbuthnot Braithwaite Fletcher III, you have been convicted of the previously-detailed crime by twelve good persons and true and will be taken from this place and taken to another place - the Trivial Prison, need I say it! - where you will spend the rest of your natural life."

The whole courtroom is on it's feet. There are cheers of joy and tears of bittersweet relief. Its been a long battle, but Fletcher has finally been punished for stealing a packet of Smints from a newsagent in Hove in 1989.

[Glebe]

"Reckon he's regretting mispronouncing M. Night Shyamalan's name in that pub quiz in 2011. Pull the switch, lads."

[Glebe]

Your dislike of Müller Rice earned you fifteen years in chokey.

[Glebe]

Forty winks on the train to Haverstock. Three months later, sewing mailbags in Trivial.