The Best Ads Ever! (Formerly Ads from Hell)

[steevbishop]

Annoying Ad Case #3457756454: Old El Paso Fajitas

You know, despite that advert being made from exactly the same sack of shite that escapes from the arse of those who eat said fajitas, the fact that it is so terrible and the woman does deserve a Plague o' Tazers on her clitoris for being the new age men-are-shit-except-for-lifting-heavy-things typecast, gives it a bye on one count:

I've lost count of the times my buddies and I have got a kick from saying "aromatic spices" or "if I'm still alive". We hate her, we hate the ad, we'll never eat the food, but somehow we enjoyed ripping into it by catchphrasing it. So help me.

[fat handed twat]

That Gap jeans advert with Madonna & fat chipmunk lookalike Missy Elliot is awful. Surely they dont need the cash that much?

Also the daytime TV ad for 'cash builder plus' scheme (I forget which company it is) telling you how they can make you money by taking £10 a month off you and giving you back an undisclosed sum after 15 years which "may be less than you put in". Surely nobody could possibly be that stupid.

[Krang]

Sainsbury's ready meals wont taste like something freshly prepared and cooked (even if it was cooked by Jamie Oliver)

[Lord Spong]

It doesn't really count as an advert, but that 'Bollywood Dance' style BBC ident really does my fucking tits in.

I'm not sure what the advert was for, but there was one recently which had some kind of symphonic version of the Manic Street Preacher's 'Motorcycle Emptiness' playing in the background.  It made me sick to my stomach!

[Ambient Sheep]

Cerys' masterpiece involved the jingle:

Jam Rags: Slap em on your MIIIIINGE!

I missed that!  Is it still available somewhere?

Did either of you two see that really gross Tampax/ST spoof that someone posted up just before the board went down.  Quite funny, but very VERY gross.  I don't have the link, sorry.

[Des Nilsen]

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[Morrisfan82]

Yeh: "This is me daughter, she's me pride and joy. And I'm in the army where my job is to kill people. And I completely fail to see the hypocrisy in that."

[imitationleather]

Did anyone notice that on that "Pick it up, it's yours" pensions ad the Indian couple are offered much less money? Fucking racist social services.

[morgs]

Tesco... these bloody people are meant to be famous for God's sake!  Every little helps though I suppose

[weirdbeard]

Has anybody seen that one where theres two women talking, then one decides to go to the toilet (which is in the other womans house).  She opens the door and is rocked by the smell.  Then the toilet tells her how bad it is or something like that.    Totally bizarre.

[imitationleather]

Annoying Ad Case #435589859323: Jeep
Imagine the scene, it's a lawyer's office. The father has died and all the children have gathered to find out what their inheritence is. They clearly don't get on, I can imagine the BBC making a New Years day drama about their family's power struggle and "issues". I bet Alison Graham would love it. Two of them look a bit snobbish, as if the 'As If' cast has just developed progeria. There's a third child, he looks smooth, cool, the sort of person you'd expect in a WKD ad. The items are read out. The two snobs get large properties and the cool one gets acre upon acre of uninhabitable marshland. Oh no, poor him! But wait, it's okay, because it means he has somewhere to drive his Jeep around in! Hooray!

Fucking hell, what a horrible horrible horrible travisty of an advert. Why should I give a fuck if some rich cunt's son has inherited a load of marshland? I hope he crashes his cuntish 4x4 into a fucking tree and dies. Am I supposed to empathise with him because he's the son with gelled hair and the most trendy suit? Fuck off you fucking fuckers and die. You CUNTS.

[Funky Gibbon]

Has anyone mentioned these? I can't be bothered reading all those before.
1) An advert for some kind of compensation thing, with the smarmy looking cunt of a agent wired to a lie detector. A seriously obnoxious bitch grilling him about "Will I recieve the full amount" Fucking bitch from hell. If she talked to me like that I would chin the bitch. The punchline is that Mr. Smug cunt is leaving and says "Nice tie" and the lie detector goes nuts. Do these cunts have no idea how a polygraph test works? Generally the subject needs to be connected to it in some way.

2) The advert that gets me throwing things at the moment.

Hot Pooooops!

I'll give 'em fucking hot pops the twats.

[imitationleather]

Annoying Ad Case #3458398: McDonald's
How many different campaigns is it possible for one fast food chain to have at one time? Fucking shitloads, it seems.
Anyway, now that dodgy rapping one ("Hey barman, some mistake surely, I'm paying for a beer, I'm not paying for a brewery") has finished and those Harry Hill voiced Happy Meal ones have gone, I nominate the ones with that rugby player.

Who is he? Why is he a suitable candidate to sell burgers? Why can't he say a sentence properly? ("I didn't... Basically... Eat mud.") Seriously, if anyone could answer these questions for me, I'd be most grateful.

[butnut]

Annoying Ad Case #435589859323: Jeep
Imagine the scene, it's a lawyer's office. The father has died and all the children have gathered to find out what their inheritence is. They clearly don't get on, I can imagine the BBC making a New Years day drama about their family's power struggle and "issues". I bet Alison Graham would love it. Two of them look a bit snobbish, as if the 'As If' cast has just developed progeria. There's a third child, he looks smooth, cool, the sort of person you'd expect in a WKD ad. The items are read out. The two snobs get large properties and the cool one gets acre upon acre of uninhabitable marshland. Oh no, poor him! But wait, it's okay, because it means he has somewhere to drive his Jeep around in! Hooray!

Fucking hell, what a horrible horrible horrible travisty of an advert. Why should I give a fuck if some rich cunt's son has inherited a load of marshland? I hope he crashes his cuntish 4x4 into a fucking tree and dies.

I'd love that advert if it ended like that. He's tearing through the marsh, and suddenly - smash! And then a long silent shot on the crushed wreckage of his car.

It would fucking get your attention - and isn't that 80% of the point of adverts?

[gazzyk1ns]

Anyway, now that dodgy rapping one ("Hey barman, some mistake surely, I'm paying for a beer, I'm not paying for a brewery")

Yeah I fucking hate that ad too. I was saying to a mate the other day that it must surely be the first and only time in history that a black person has said the word "brewery".

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

Scene: Two blokes sitting somewhere in Wales.

"Have you heard about Bryn"?

"No?"

"He's gone abroad......on holiday"

"WHY?"

[Cerys]

"You read me wrong, my audience. For I was in the pink room, not the stink room!"
or
"I'm not a dirty queer, even though I drink the drink of dirty queers."

Ooer!  We don't get that in Wales.  Obviously they thought it wouldn't, erm, go down well in the valleys.

Yes we do!

[Cerys]

Cerys' masterpiece involved the jingle:

Jam Rags: Slap em on your MIIIIINGE!

I missed that!  Is it still available somewhere?

He's lying.  That jingle wasn't my doing; it was the work of a bloke called Simon who lived one floor down from me a few years ago.

But on the subject of ambulance-chasers: does anyone remember the ad for whichever bastard child of blame-culture it was, which involved a reconstruction of a bloke falling off a step-ladder?  "I love football.  Of course, I can't play these days..." etc.  Yes, and the reason you can't play these days is because you made the twattish mistake of hugely over-reaching yourself on that ladder, didn't you?  And now you've managed to get some wannabee law firm to cheat a wodge of cash out of some poor sap, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A LADDER SAFELY!  YOU UTTER TWUNT!

And L'Oreal?  'Because you're worth it'?  Pah!  Don't get me started.

[Dr. Gizmonic]

Hey Kids! Are you tired of the other girls getting their faces on the tabloids? Does your little heart leap when you spot a white van crawling down your street, only to feel crushed moments later when its Kate who's snatched despite being three months older than you?
Fear no more!
You'll be the next Sarah Payne in no time with the help of the Bratz! Yes, you'll really pull in the paedos with the help of Tarty, Seducty, Teasey and Rohypnolly!
Oh, and don't forget to purchase the magazine series! Featuring such useful articles as "Accentuating assets you won't possess for years" and "Rouge and you, a journey into the wonderful world of face paste".

[Trouser Cough]

With most of the biggest culprits already mentioned - (has someone mentioned that actimel refund one?) - There is only one big one left -

Ocean Finance - with that dim-witted old geezer announcing with genuine ethusiasm that his Ocean Finance loan had given him "Money to spare afterwards".

It is obvious that with such a wonderful grasp of economics he won't have to worry about being a homeowner for much longer.

Just looking at the Ocean Finance 'satisfied customers', each appearing as if they were missing the odd gene or two, shows that once Ocean have established you are a Homeowner they only need to ask 2 questions -

1 - Are you stupid?
2 - Really?

Yes to both and you have another crippling loan - which we suggest you use for 'home Improvements' - It adds to the value of the house, which is handy when we take it off you for defaulting on the loan.

[gazzyk1ns]

Hehe yes, similar to the companies who offer loans exclusively to over 60s "So you can start enjoying life.". They might as well just say:

"Look granny, you're going to lose your marbles in about five years anyway - just have a load of spending money from us now, and then when you're in the nursing home we'll either have your nice big house or your children can pay us in cash, up to you...either way you'll not know anything about it."

[Alberon]

The inevitable dance mix for the 'We Love Horses' magazine from Deagonsti(or summink like it) just turned up on Chris Moyles.

[zozman]

The inevitable dance mix for the 'We Love Horses' magazine from Deagonsti(or summink like it) just turned up on Chris Moyles.

Didn't we already do what a talentless twat that tosspot is?

[imitationleather]

The forums seems to be completely over-run with "stuff we hate" threads at the moment, so now I'm changing the point of this thread.

So, what ads do you really like? Which ones are the all-time classics? This should get us all loved up again...

I can't actually think of any that I like at the moment, but I'm sure I'll think of some as your suggestions come "flooding" in.

[Vermschneid Mehearties]

The Lucozade Hydro Active water woman ad. Not only does it have a mix of one of my favourite tunes, the graphics are well done and it's advertising something which is good for you.

[Frinky]

Not technically an ad, but the trailer for "comedian" is the funniest trailer I've ever seen.

[wasp_f15ting]

Guiness ad with leftfield in the background

HP technology ad with some choral backing

velvet toilet paper ad with those asses

bbc1 ad with that sreet jumping thingy

there are tons more, but non come to mind....

[Purple Tentacle]

Pot Noodle: For dirty people.. has always made me laugh. Not the Peter Baynham ones though.

I quite liked that "Mint" one where the boss says "Is that Jenkins hanging on a giant Mint? Tell him he's fired" the first time I saw it, but it's wearing thin now.



I really like that "Don't let your turkey spoil Christmas" slapstick one too, never failed to raise a smile.

[imitationleather]

Oh yes, Pot Noodle: The Slag of all Snacks was a great ad. It got banned, apparently you're not allowed to say "slag" in an advert.

I also really like the Scalectrix ones. Do you remember the one where there's this white woman who's having a baby and when she gives birth to it, the doctor gives it to her white boyfriend and it's revealed that the baby is mixed race?
Mother: I'm sorry.
Father: Why are you sorry? It's a boy! We can get a Scalectrix!

Classic.

[Mister Six]

I rather liked the horribly misguided Sony advert that was on a couple of years back in which a carboard box that once housed a Sony TV tearfully recounts how it had hoped to be played in by children, but since the telly got plugged in they've spent all their time with that instead.

Of course, the implied message was: "Sony: Killing your children's imagination"

As for actual proper GOOD adverts, try almost any Guinness ad (especially "He waits..."), the ITV Digital ads back before Johnny Vegas was everywhere and the McDonald's ones that spoofed the "only 20 minutes from this cinema" local ads you used to get.