"F**k my Hat, I didn't know that!" Amazing things you've only just found out

[DistressedArea]

Got a business that does toast. Post us your slices and we will post them back to you professionally toasted. Lot of idiots out there.

[dissolute ocelot]

Do only students eat toast now? When did this come in?

Not all students. You can't make a fish finger sandwich with toast.

[olliebean]

Not all students. You can't make a fish finger sandwich with toast.

Beg to differ.

[dissolute ocelot]

Beg to differ.

Fuck, like a mouthful of sandpaper. But never underestimate people's desire to shred their mouth lining.

[Twonty Gostelow]

... all served on artisanal wood subtly infused with a listeria jus.

[sirhenry]

... all served on artisanal wood subtly infused with a listeria jus.

And upside down!
I thought we were getting better at food, but then along comes stuff like this that can't even get the most basic element right[nb]and that's being overly generous to the deluded fools who think that lettuce and some kind of congealed white extrusion is acceptable in a fish finger sandwich when everyone knows that the only addition required/allowed is ketchup.[/nb]. It's like giving a 70's student 21st century ingredient choices, it's bound to be inedible nine times out of ten, but we've had 50 years to learn from their mistakes!

[Botty Cello]

And upside down!
It's like giving a 70's student 21st century ingredient choices, it's bound to be inedible nine times out of ten,

In the 70's students ate fish finger sandwiches it because it was cheap and worked in resturants. Now students get £30K loans they toast it, pop it on a log , call it gourmet and pay someone poor to cook it ! That is upside down.

[Paul Calf]

90s performative rage lol.

[Jockice]

I just don't get fish finger sandwiches. If you have bread you put the chips in there surely.  It's a weird world if you put the fish fingers in there. They don't belong. And I speak as someone who had fish fingers and chips at the very least twice a week for my entire childhood, adolescence and much of my adult life.

(I usually have the Quorn vegan ones now. They're nice. But again they don't belong in bread.)

[Jockice]

And salt, vinegar and ketchup are the only other things allowed on your plate. Anything else is just a perversion.

[olliebean]

I'd make an exception for tartare sauce on special occasions.

[kalowski]

I'd make an exception for tartare sauce on special occasions.

Tartare sauce always makes me think of the bit in How To Be A Complete Bastard about lines to use to break up with your girlfriend:
"This tartare sauce tastes a bit like my spunk."

[Cold Meat Platter]

France eats more crisps than us. So does the USA but that's to be expected really. From foodbev.com;

"While 86% of consumers throughout the US and France consume potato crisps/potato chips, closely followed by 84% of GB consumers, China is at the far end of the scale with only 28% consumption."

Potato crisps/potato chips consumption per country:

USA: 86%
France: 86%
GB: 84%
Egypt: 72%
Brazil: 51%
South Africa: 43%,
China: 28%.

This used to be a great country (it didn't). No idea what the fuck China are playing at though. Pull your socks up Chinese (don't).

[touchingcloth]

Those stats don't exactly say that the French eat more crisps than Brits do they? Just that a higher percentage of French people eat crisps at some point. It doesn't even say whether that is per year, day, at any point in their lifetime.

I want to know potato crisps poundage per person per week for the country of France and the island of Great Britain, please.

[pigamus]

I want to know potato crisps poundage

I bet you do you dirty old bollocks

[Paul Calf]

Those stats don't exactly say that the French eat more crisps than Brits do they? Just that a higher percentage of French people eat crisps at some point. It doesn't even say whether that is per year, day, at any point in their lifetime.

I want to know potato crisps poundage per person per week for the country of France and the island of Great Britain, please.

Is there a reason to exclude Norn Iron from your enquiries?

[Cold Meat Platter]

Is there a reason to exclude Norn Iron from your enquiries?

Racism.

[touchingcloth]

Is there a reason to exclude Norn Iron from your enquiries?

Because the original list of stats explicitly stated GB rather than UK. I'd quite like the figures for NI to be included and the name to be changed personally, it's like the UK's London 2012 team all over again.

[touchingcloth]

This isn't proper fuck ma hat level, but there's no more suitable thread so fuckit. Chadwick Boseman have played the same character twice: Black Panther, and a minor role in a frankly dogshit-sounding US soap opera.

[Magnum Valentino]

Chadwick Boseman and Michael B Jordan there boss. Chadwick Boseman was only the one person.

Here's two.

George Clooney was in two shows called ER and Carrie Ann Moss was in a TV show called Matrix before starring in the film The Matrix.

[touchingcloth]

Who's Michael B Jordan? I was talking about Chadwick and Boseman.

[AsparagusTrevor]

What the hell is happening?!

[Marner and Me]

What the hell is happening?!

Your hat has been fucked

[famethrowa]

Jackie Chan is not his real name, he only got it while working on a building site in Canberra, his boss was Jack, therefore he was Little Jack, eventually Jackie.

[Magnum Valentino]

Whaddaya mean "therefore he was little Jack"? Why was he Jack at all? You don't just just assume the name of your boss and add a 'little' to the front end.

[SpiderChrist]

Whaddaya mean "therefore he was little Jack"? Why was he Jack at all? You don't just just assume the name of your boss and add a 'little' to the front end.

Maybe the not at all racist Australians had difficulty with his real name (Chan Kong-san), and just referred to him as Little Jack because he worked alongside a man called Jack.

My Grandad's nickname was Chapel, and when I was a nipper and out and about with him, his mates used to call me Little Chapel. Not that I have an unusual name, or anything like that.

[famethrowa]

Whaddaya mean "therefore he was little Jack"? Why was he Jack at all? You don't just just assume the name of your boss and add a 'little' to the front end.

Have you not been on an Australian building site??

[touchingcloth]

Have you not been on an Australian building site??

My thoughts exactly. It seems obvious to me.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Maybe the not at all racist Australians had difficulty with his real name (Chan Kong-san), and just referred to him as Little Jack because he worked alongside a man called Jack.

My Grandad's nickname was Chapel, and when I was a nipper and out and about with him, his mates used to call me Little Chapel. Not that I have an unusual name, or anything like that.

In my experience (in both bars and tech) it's not entirely unusual for Chinese people to jump the gun and just pick a Western name out the air, "fuck it, just call me Tony".

[touchingcloth]

In my experience (in both bars and tech) it's not entirely unusual for Chinese people to jump the gun and just pick a Western name out the air, "fuck it, just call me Tony".

I had a lot of Chinese people on my course and in my halls at university, and they all had English names in addition to their birth names. For the people I knew there was a mixture of people picking names from English language media cos they found them cool, but most of them had been in international schools where they were taught in English and, erm, let's say encouraged rather than forced to pick a Western name.

A flatmate from Honk Kong was called Jimmy because "there was a TV character called Fat Pack Jimmy, and I was a chubby child", and a course mate from mainland China had picked the name Shelling which, as far as I could make out in his extremely patchy English[nb]Racist comment alert: overseas students at my university were supposed to have a minimum standard of English based on some internationally-recognised test, but rumour had it that because the non-EU students who could afford to study in the UK without a scholarship were usually from wealthy backgrounds, a lot of them just bunged the examiners some money in brown envelopes. I met enough students with terrible English but flashy clothes and high-rolling casino passions for this to not seem implausible. [/nb] was based on the (even more so then than now) obscure character of Sherrinford Holmes from the Sherlock Holmes stories.

I've just spotted my typo of "Honk Kong". I haven't even posted this yet, but I'm going to leave that in because I think it's a better name. I would like to meet a Chinaman who uses Honk Williams as his western name.