Excruciating films

[Gwen Taylor on ITV]

It ends the film on a confused note with the image of two middle aged men sat on a sofa rubbing their cocks (or each others' cocks?).

[Bronzy]

It ends the film on a confused note with the image of two middle aged men sat on a sofa rubbing their cocks (or each others' cocks?).

I know what you mean mate, the end of The Emoji Movie conjured up a similar image for me.

[Thomas]

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-christmas-film-stalked-by-ghost-of-harvey-weinstein-z9nmfjj6s

A smart dismantling of a terrible film - nice find, Oops. This Vice article tackles About Time (2013), which I might one day watch out of curiosity. 

[Icehaven]

A smart dismantling of a terrible film - nice find, Oops. This Vice article tackles About Time (2013), which I might one day watch out of curiosity.

No don't!! Don't. And not just because it's on ethically shaky ground,although it is, but because it's truly fucking abysmal.

[BlodwynPig]

No don't!! Don't. And not just because it's on ethically shaky ground,although it is, but because it's truly fucking abysmal.

Most of these type of films look like extended DFS commercials.

[Golden E. Pump]

'Death Proof' is a fucking shit stain of a movie. Probably the most self-indulgent and vacuous thing I've ever seen.

Man in bar.
Man drives car.
Man kills girls.
Girls at home.
Girls drive car.
Girls kill man.

Six things happen in a two hour movie that's just filled with Quentin Tarantino writing inane dialogue. I'd rather go to the dentist than ever see it again.

[phantom_power]

About Time is a terrible film, and so morally dubious I am amazed anyone thought it was a  good idea.

[itsfredtitmus]

i always see about time in the wilkinsons dvd rack at the checkout and like to imagine what kind of person would see that and pick it up

[zomgmouse]

'Death Proof' is a fucking great time.

[AsparagusTrevor]

'Death Proof' is a fucking shit stain of a movie. Probably the most self-indulgent and vacuous thing I've ever seen.

Man in bar.
Man drives car.
Man kills girls.
Girls at home.
Girls drive car.
Girls kill man.

Six things happen in a two hour movie that's just filled with Quentin Tarantino writing inane dialogue. I'd rather go to the dentist than ever see it again.

I never understood why Tarantino agreed to the Grindhouse thing when he obviously didn't want to make a grindhouse-style film.

[phantom_power]

The Twilight Saga. Fucking hell. I fell asleep deliberately twice when watching this. And when I woke up they were still on the same sentence as when I fell asleep. Ponderousness personified

[lebowskibukowski]

My general rule of thumb is that if a film is described as 'bittersweet' it is going to be absolutely unwatchable toss.
For a triumvirate of excruciating films, if only because of the sheer fucking smugness of them all, I suggest Garden State, Lost In Translation and fucking bastard Sideways.

[zomgmouse]

I never understood why Tarantino agreed to the Grindhouse thing when he obviously didn't want to make a grindhouse-style film.

Oh but it was. Many of the exploitation films were lowkey and moody, especially the second in the double bill. It fit perfectly.

[phantom_power]

Yeah lots of those grindhouse films were long and ponderous with sudden explosions of violence. I think often it was a case of film anything to wrap around the set pieces to pad out the length of the film

[Thomas]

No don't!! Don't. And not just because it's on ethically shaky ground,although it is, but because it's truly fucking abysmal.

Don't worry - I watched it, but then rewound time and didn't watch it.

(I haven't watched it).

[Dr Syntax Head]

The Twilight Saga. Fucking hell. I fell asleep deliberately twice when watching this. And when I woke up they were still on the same sentence as when I fell asleep. Ponderousness personified

The most intense pain I ever felt in my life (I love hyperbole, sorry) was to cinema with a date for the second film. Fuck me I must have been 'that' desperate for sex or something. Nothing else explains it. Unless I was just being really really nice to my date. I mean really nice.

[Dr Syntax Head]

My general rule of thumb is that if a film is described as 'bittersweet' it is going to be absolutely unwatchable toss.
For a triumvirate of excruciating films, if only because of the sheer fucking smugness of them all, I suggest Garden State, Lost In Translation and fucking bastard Sideways.

Yeah Garden State really is godawful. It reminds me of that American Indie film where a troubled guy goes back home for a family thing and meets a younger girl and they go to watch Afghan Whigs in a bar. Afghan Whigs are the only real good thing I remember correctly. Oh and Matt Dillon was in it I think. There was lots of snow.

[DukeDeMondo]

This was dire I thought. Tosh of the highest order. Even Eugene Levy couldn't save this.

Oh it's alright. Dated as bejeesus, I don't doubt. I'm sure that much of the stuff that seemed delightfully risqué at the time - boners! flutes! - will seem hopelessly toothless now, but in context, for what it was, it was perfectly fine. Good natured. Funny enough here and there. Refreshingly forthright. A worthy enough successor to your Porky's and your what not.

[newbridge]

Look at this fucking shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQJTN_eecEg

I wish I could post the absolutely hilarious TV trailer I just saw, which features Rob Riggle saying overdramatically "Are Boys are going into combat on horses?!" over that excruciating "Won't Back Down" cover.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Yeah Garden State really is godawful. It reminds me of that American Indie film where a troubled guy goes back home for a family thing and meets a younger girl and they go to watch Afghan Whigs in a bar. Afghan Whigs are the only real good thing I remember correctly. Oh and Matt Dillon was in it I think. There was lots of snow.

That's "Beautiful Girls" which I quite liked at the time, at least compared to atrocities like Garden State.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Look at this fucking shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQJTN_eecEg

I wish I could post the absolutely hilarious TV trailer I just saw, which features Rob Riggle saying overdramatically "Are Boys are going into combat on horses?!" over that excruciating "Won't Back Down" cover.

wow. makes the Green Berets look like Hearts and Minds

[BlodwynPig]

Look at this fucking shit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQJTN_eecEg

I wish I could post the absolutely hilarious TV trailer I just saw, which features Rob Riggle saying overdramatically "Are Boys are going into combat on horses?!" over that excruciating "Won't Back Down" cover.

Rambo vs. ISIS is better, 1 vs. 100,000 and no horses.

Hope the film has a scene where those willowy wives are seen fucking the local bumpkins whilst their beloved brave boys are risking life and horse limb in a pointless and deluded crusade against orphaned boys gone mad.

[itsfredtitmus]

harold and maude

[Ferris]

Rambo vs. ISIS is better, 1 vs. 100,000 and no horses.

Hope the film has a scene where those willowy wives are seen fucking the local bumpkins whilst their beloved brave boys are risking life and horse limb in a pointless and deluded crusade against orphaned boys gone mad.

Are you referring to Rambo III? The "dedication" at the end to the 'brave mujahideen' must be one of the most embarrassingly miscued film moments of all time.

[Dr Syntax Head]

That's "Beautiful Girls" which I quite liked at the time, at least compared to atrocities like Garden State.

That's the one. Might give it a rewatch at some point

[Fambo Number Mive]

Rambo vs. ISIS is better, 1 vs. 100,000 and no horses.

Hope the film has a scene where those willowy wives are seen fucking the local bumpkins whilst their beloved brave boys are risking life and horse limb in a pointless and deluded crusade against orphaned boys gone mad.

The Taliban aren't "orphaned boys gone mad", their motivation is extreme Islamic fundamentalism.

During their rule from 1996 to 2001, the Taliban and their allies committed massacres against Afghan civilians, denied UN food supplies to 160,000 starving civilians and conducted a policy of scorched earth, burning vast areas of fertile land and destroying tens of thousands of homes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taliban

[Noodle Lizard]

The Holiday is by far the worst of those 90s English rom coms, a truly hideous piece of shit in every way.

Neither 90s nor English.  It is a rom-com, though, you've got to give them that.

For me, it's pretty much all of those superhero movies you have now.  I think The Avengers was the only one I remember sitting through (once) without desperately hoping for it to end, and that was when I was 20 or so.  Star Wars, an all.  I've developed a mild phobia of finding myself in a situation where I'm obligated to watch one of the new ones.

Moment By Moment is excruciating by every definition of the word, though it has just about enough unintentional comedy to make it worth watching.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World was impossible for me to finish.  I feel like I would have genuinely suffered if I'd sat through another minute of it. 

There was one relatively recent Woody Allen which I can't even remember the name of.  I think Anthony Hopkins was in it.  I would have turned that off within 15 minutes if I hadn't paid to see it in the cinema with a friend.

More recently, The Shape Of Water had the girlfriend and I shouting "Fuck off" once every couple of scenes.  I went in genuinely expecting to love it (great reviews, loved Pan's Labyrinth etc.), but there is absolutely zero chance I would've kept watching if it weren't for the fact that it's one of this year's "Big Deal" films.  Glad I stuck around, because it somehow managed to get even shitter at every turn.  I cannot wait until the Oscars are over and people can talk about that fucking thing properly.

[BlodwynPig]

The Taliban aren't "orphaned boys gone mad", their motivation is extreme Islamic fundamentalism.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taliban

I am talking about a fictional film, dimwit.

[St_Eddie]

Neither 90s nor English.  It is a rom-com, though, you've got to give them that.

For me, it's pretty much all of those superhero movies you have now.  I think The Avengers was the only one I remember sitting through (once) without desperately hoping for it to end, and that was when I was 20 or so.  Star Wars, an all.  I've developed a mild phobia of finding myself in a situation where I'm obligated to watch one of the new ones.

Moment By Moment is excruciating by every definition of the word, though it has just about enough unintentional comedy to make it worth watching.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World was impossible for me to finish.  I feel like I would have genuinely suffered if I'd sat through another minute of it. 

There was one relatively recent Woody Allen which I can't even remember the name of.  I think Anthony Hopkins was in it.  I would have turned that off within 15 minutes if I hadn't paid to see it in the cinema with a friend.

More recently, The Shape Of Water had the girlfriend and I shouting "Fuck off" once every couple of scenes.  I went in genuinely expecting to love it (great reviews, loved Pan's Labyrinth etc.), but there is absolutely zero chance I would've kept watching if it weren't for the fact that it's one of this year's "Big Deal" films.  Glad I stuck around, because it somehow managed to get even shitter at every turn.  I cannot wait until the Oscars are over and people can talk about that fucking thing properly.

I regret to inform you that you and I, think a lot alike.

[BlodwynPig]

I regret to inform you that you and I, think a lot alike.

Salvaged yourself with this as I was thoroughly annoyed with you in another thread but remained silent.