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Bond

Started by asids, December 28, 2017, 01:05:52 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Blumf

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on June 14, 2020, 01:02:36 PM
I'm a Charles Gray man myself.

I like his performance, but his head just seems wrong for Blofeld. I'd like Pleasance's head on Gray's acting (not that I dislike Donald's turns)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Be great if the new one opens up with Bond just having a wank, a nice old wank. Then he cums and exhales and the title sequence starts.

kalowski

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on June 14, 2020, 05:33:45 PM
Be great if the new one opens up with Bond just having a wank, a nice old wank. Then he cums and exhales and the title sequence starts.
Moonwanker.

The UK release date is now...

Spoiler alert
November 12
[close]

And according to a new Radio Times poll, 74 per cent think it's a
Spoiler alert
bad   
[close]
idea to make Bond a family man.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: thecuriousorange on June 14, 2020, 10:09:37 PM
The UK release date is now...

Spoiler alert
November 12
[close]

And according to a new Radio Times poll, 74 per cent think it's a
Spoiler alert
bad   
[close]
idea to make Bond a family man.

same bin of people that went brexit tho, so what does that slurry know. they DESERVE shit bond

Shaky

Quote from: thecuriousorange on June 14, 2020, 10:09:37 PM
The UK release date is now...

Spoiler alert
November 12
[close]

And according to a new Radio Times poll, 74 per cent think it's a
Spoiler alert
bad   
[close]
idea to make Bond a family man.

Of course they fucking do... which is one of the reasons it should happen. Would be even better if Bond's kid is inexplicably played by a BAME actor.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: Butchers Blind on June 14, 2020, 12:26:11 PM
And Jaws.  Proper villians who end up living out their days orbiting Earth with bespectacled pig-tailed young girls.

IIRC the space stations new orbit would see it eventually return to Earth. Whether it would burn up on re-entry[nb]Fnar Fnar[/nb] will be another hotly-anticipated debate.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: thecuriousorange on June 14, 2020, 10:09:37 PM
The UK release date is now...

Spoiler alert
November 12
[close]

And according to a new Radio Times poll, 74 per cent think it's a
Spoiler alert
bad   
[close]
idea to make Bond a family man.

Yeah, I want to see a Bond film where he's past retirement, living alone, no children coming to visit him as he has none, sitting in silence looking at a scrapbook of people he's killed over the years.

Blumf

Quote from: Butchers Blind on June 15, 2020, 11:01:37 AM
Yeah, I want to see a Bond film where he's past retirement, living alone, no children coming to visit him as he has none, sitting in silence looking at a scrapbook of people he's killed over the years.

Dealing with a case of nob rot that'd make Harvey Weinstein wince.

Probably be posting 5G Covid conspiracies on Facebook too.

This must be true because it was in a newspaper.

Spoiler alert
007's daughter is getting her own spin-off series produced by Phoebe Waller Bridge. One of many ways they can make "him" regenerate as a woman.
[close]

There is no way Bond is fertile. If he ever wants a nipper to hit the casinos with, he'll have to get Q to whip up a watch that's also an artificial insemination device.

Blumf

Now pay attention Bond!


Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Blumf on June 14, 2020, 04:50:15 PM
(not that I dislike Donald's turds)

I bet you fucking don't, you dirty old bollocks.


Quote from: monkfromhavana on June 15, 2020, 08:54:01 AM
IIRC the space stations new orbit would see it eventually return to Earth. Whether it would burn up on re-entry[nb]Fnar Fnar[/nb] will be another hotly-anticipated debate.

Only cos I watched it when it was on ITV4 the other day - they get spotted and, presumably, picked up by a rescue crew who report it ("a tall man and a short blond girl") to M and co (not the clothes shop) on the radio.

Captain Z

Final scene

INT M's OFFICE

M: Before you go 007, there's one more thing you should know

Sean Connery: Jamesh, I am your father

Roger Moore: *raises eyebrow* Actually, I think you'll find I am the father

James Bond: (To camera) Double uh-oh, eh viewers!?

The kid's uncle would be Blofeld. Let that sink in.

famethrowa

Quote from: thecuriousorange on June 15, 2020, 05:50:36 PM
The kid's uncle would be Blofeld. Let that sink in.

And still not the worst Uncle Ernie!

Blumf

Quote from: thecuriousorange on June 15, 2020, 05:50:36 PM
The kid's uncle would be Blofeld. Let that sink in.

Mr Wint and Mr Kidd could do baby sitting duties.

monkfromhavana

Quote from: Blumf on June 16, 2020, 12:38:12 AM
Mr Wint and Mr Kidd could do baby sitting duties.

Jaws could do the nappy changes.

If No Time to Die is going to be the launchpad for loads of shared universe spin-offs, like Marvel/DC/Star Wars, I just hope we get a rebooted Xenia Onatopp reaching orgasm with a deafening cackle in a mid-credits teaser for the next piece of content.

Jerzy Bondov

I'm still waiting for the Jinx spin off

Phil_A

Perfect opportunity to make this a canonical part of the Bondiverse:


dissolute ocelot

They should have all the Bonds team up to battle a time-travelling Jet Li.

Old Nehamkin

I've been watching a lot of Bond films since quarantine started. All of them, actually. There was a bit of chat about the Connery films in the No Time To Die thread and it led me to write up my thoughts on all of them (plus OHMSS). It got a bit longer than I intended so I thought it would fit better here. Anyway, if you would care to indulge me:

Dr. No: Profoundly relaxing. It's like someone just decided to make a film about a very cool man going on a nice holiday and having a really chilled out time, and then halfway through production they decided to also make him a spy just to pad out the runtime a bit. Which isn't to say that the espionage and the intrigue aren't well executed, just that those elements are handled with such a light touch that they're mostly subsumed by the mellow hangout vibe which pervades the film as a whole. Dr. No himself and the climax at his base are great and obviously represent an archetypal touchstone for the Bond series and the whole of cinema, but those elements almost feel incidental in a film which is really about how nice it is to hang out on the beach and listen to calypso music, but also features the main character shooting a sadsack henchman to death in cold blood. A very solid 4/5.

From Russia with Love: Critics tend to designate this as the super classy one with the serious cold war noir credentials because it's got lots of train stations and microfilm in it, but it's still ultimately a big daft comic book adventure and firmly establishes itself as such in the brilliant pre-titles scene where Robert Shaw participates in what must be the most costly "how to kill James Bond specifically" training course ever mounted. I love SPECTRE in these early films and how they're all mad bastards who go about every task in the most camp and elaborate fashion possible. The train sequence is pretty sublime even though it feels about four hours long and somehow seems designed to be intersected by the ITV evening news. The boat chase near the end is maybe one climax too many and comes across a bit like one of those perfunctory vehicle-based levels you get in a James Bond video game. Bond's pal Kerim is probably the most likeable ally in the series and the bits where the two of them are snooping around the hidden tunnels of Istanbul have a delightful proto- Indiana Jones feel. This was supposedly the last film that JFK watched before he died and you can imagine him getting up from his seat with a big bawdy grin on his face as James Bond ditches his sex tape in a river and the credits roll. 4.5/5

Goldfinger: It's hilarious to me how the theme song hypes up Auric Goldfinger like he's the world's most seductive, irresistible mastermind and then the film starts and he's just this odious, petty, fairly guileless man who gets repeatedly outwitted and humiliated by James Bond from basically the first scene. There isn't even really the hint of mutual respect that sometimes exists between Bond and the villain in these films; Connery's whole vibe here is just complete disdain that he has to keep spending time with this weird loser. The film as a whole gets a bit slow and baggy for my tastes when Goldfinger's plan starts to actually kick into gear. Too much time is spent listlessly hanging around Goldfinger's holiday camp and the attack on Fort Knox ultimately isn't very exciting to watch. I like how Bond completely flounders trying to defuse the bomb at the end until the actual expert shows up, but I find it a bit cheeky of the film to then throw in the little flourish of having the timer stop on "007" as if to say "wahey, our boy's done it again!" Also the New York Gangsters who show up for Goldfinger's demonstration are the funniest characters in any film. 4/5

Thunderball: Another good-time holiday hangout film like Dr. No. Really don't have much to say about this one. Everything's just really blue and pleasant and Nassau looks like a lovely place to visit. I can barely remember what the plot is, even though I have also seen Never Say Never Again. Something about nukes and harpoon guns. The underwater bit is the sleepiest, drowsiest sequence ever put on film and my eyes are getting heavy just thinking about it. 3.5/5

You Only Live Twice and Diamonds Are Forever: I'm putting these two together because I see them as sort of sisters which stand distinctly apart from the other Connery entries as well as the Lazenby one. I absolutely love both of these films and remain baffled by the low critical stock of Diamonds, which to me is a dizzying all-timer. There's a distinctly Thunderbirds/Captain Scarlet flavour to this late Connery era and I can't get enough of that very specific type of pulpy, space-age sci-fi that these films lean into so heavily. It's all so grandiose and fantastical in a way that's almost impossible to imagine in a modern film. A spaceship that eats other spaceships! A satellite made of diamonds! Two fucking Blofelds in the same room! Also, just to be clear, I'd like to state my complete approval for the intent and execution of the scene in which Sean Connery disguises himself as a Japanese person. A combined 4.5/5

On Her Majesty's Scecret Service: Best one. Looks fucking gorgeous, has the coolest theme tune ever, everything from Bond's arrival at Blofeld's mountain lair through to the end is pretty much the best this series gets for me.  The bit where Bond encounters Tracy at the ice rink while he's desperately trying to escape Blofeld's men is my single favourite moment in any of these films. The ending speaks for itself. I was initially annoyed by the jarring intrusion of the James Bond theme at the end, but I've come to see it as kind of fitting, as if the film itself is only willing to grant Bond a brief moment to indulge his grief before he's called back up for his next thrilling adventure. I know that the original plan was for the follow-up to focus on Bond getting revenge for Tracy's death, but I think it was maybe for the best that it was only ever alluded to occasionally in the later films. The frustrating circumstances around the film that doomed it to becoming an overlooked curiosity in the public's mind somehow makes that ending all the more poignant. The most powerful, least typical moment in the whole series, and the most significant event in the life of the main character, and there it is, unassumingly tucked away in the film with the lowest pop-culture impact. It's very interesting to imagine what place this film would have come to occupy in the Bond zeitgeist had Connery starred in it, but honestly I'm not sure that he could have sold those final few moments as well as Lazenby did. A big massive 5/5

PlanktonSideburns


beanheadmcginty

I'm just at this moment listening to the A View to a Kill soundtrack. It's fucking tremendous. That's the thing about those old Bonds - the film might be a bit of a stinker but it gave John Barry another chance to produce pure auditory heaven. Moonraker is another good example.

Egyptian Feast

Excellent reviews Old Nehamkin, looking forward to your views on the rest if you're planning to share them. I'm with you 100% on Diamonds Are Forever. Bond - The Vegas Years. It's in my top 5 for sure. Agree OHMSS is the best one too.

El Unicornio, mang

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on September 06, 2020, 05:06:27 PM
I'm just at this moment listening to the A View to a Kill soundtrack. It's fucking tremendous.

It is brilliant, almost out of place in the movie itself. The OHMSS/View to a Kill suite is excellent, mashes them together perfectly https://youtu.be/C2GS6kfkTUE

popcorn

Yeah I think the main melody from A View to a Kill, the "dance into the fire..." bit, works so well as a Bond melody and soundtrack motif.

Panbaams

Quote from: Old Nehamkin on September 03, 2020, 05:59:41 PM
Also the New York Gangsters who show up for Goldfinger's demonstration are the funniest characters in any film.

"Who posted that?"
"It's that Old Nehamkin feller!"
"Say, what's the game here, Cook'd and Bomb'd?"
"Why I oughta –"
(etc.)

lipsink

"Whadya tryin da pull, Goldfinga'?" - always makes me laugh.