Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 09:53:25 PM

Login with username, password and session length

CaB magazine wants *YOU'RE* funny writing! (deadline midnight Feb 18th)

Started by doppelkorn, January 18, 2018, 09:27:57 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

pancreas


doppelkorn

Quote from: pancreas on January 24, 2018, 09:38:05 AM
Also, I hope someone has replied to Cerys by now.

Haha. Nope. I'm deliberately not reading the submissions so I don't prejudice myself.

Sorry to all those who've submitted so far. You WILL get a personal reply from me at some point.


doppelkorn

Quote from: poo on January 24, 2018, 09:41:53 AM
Is it called Gary yet?

You'll only find out once it's on your doormat, poo. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised x

Cerys

Quote from: pancreas on January 24, 2018, 09:38:05 AM
Also, I hope someone has replied to Cerys by now.

I did get a reply from what was obviously a sock puppet account, but now I come to think of it the culprit didn't actually mention the magazine.  Or anything else, for that matter.  Cool dick pic, though.

pancreas

If you've submitted to doppelkorn and you'd like me to acknowledge it, let me know and I'll send you a PM, it will be as follows:

Dear [name],

Thanks for your submission. The paper does look interesting. But at the moment we have a huge backlog and can accept only very few exceptional papers. Therefore I would recommend to submit the manuscript to another journal in order not to lose time unnecessarily.

Yours as ever,
pancreas

spamwangler

a) i dont mind that youve head hunted some people and some people have had to submit, personally - i dont really care if its non democratic - i expect every thing organized by a group a group of humans to be a corrupt cesspit, encourage it even, thats why i sent a gif of a fiver with my submission.

b) you can get sounds into a pdf?! how the fuck does that work

c) i am a 30 year old white male, if that helps. it usually does

sirhenry

Quote from: spamwangler on January 24, 2018, 02:18:17 PM
b) you can get sounds into a pdf?! how the fuck does that work
Surprisingly well. You can embed mp3 files in a pdf and then program a trigger for them (page load, page end, mouse rollover, when an image or piece of text is displayed, etc.) I seem to remember that you can even put a delay on it. But only if you view it offline (I think).
The animated gifs worked in the same way.

My favourite memory of the second annual (http://www.51055.com/cab-annuals/CaBannual2012.pdf) is the repeated abuse I got by people who downloaded it to read while commuting without realising that it would play sick and twisted music and spout profanities in stentorian tones every now and then. Lord Bragg wrestling tramps under a bridge on the South Bank and my piece of resistance Brian Cock's Wonder of Wonders weren't as offensive but worked so much better as audio.

I'm assuming that this magazine will be a similar audiovisual delight/monstrosity.

spamwangler

Quote from: sirhenry on January 26, 2018, 09:36:10 PM
Surprisingly well. You can embed mp3 files in a pdf and then program a trigger for them (page load, page end, mouse rollover, when an image or piece of text is displayed, etc.) I seem to remember that you can even put a delay on it. But only if you view it offline (I think).
The animated gifs worked in the same way.

My favourite memory of the second annual (http://www.51055.com/cab-annuals/CaBannual2012.pdf) is the repeated abuse I got by people who downloaded it to read while commuting without realising that it would play sick and twisted music and spout profanities in stentorian tones every now and then. Lord Bragg wrestling tramps under a bridge on the South Bank and my piece of resistance Brian Cock's Wonder of Wonders weren't as offensive but worked so much better as audio.

I'm assuming that this magazine will be a similar audiovisual delight/monstrosity.

thats amazing - definatley going to be releasing all my albums as PDFs from now on

Spoon of Ploff

Does the audio still work on hardcopies  or do I need to use a 3D printer for that?

Chairman Bodog

I've been CaBsent for a week stint drudge for my sinful ill. Led bedbound and cragged. I'm spriggan now. Sprung. I got some bits floating about. I'm writing up a glossary for made up words right now. I got poems but are they all supposed to be comedic? Most of my work is, believe it or not, deadly serious.

pancreas

Quote from: Chairman Bodog on January 27, 2018, 07:49:49 PM
I've been CaBsent for a week stint drudge for my sinful ill. Led bedbound and cragged. I'm spriggan now. Sprung. I got some bits floating about. I'm writing up a glossary for made up words right now. I got poems but are they all supposed to be comedic? Most of my work is, believe it or not, deadly serious.

I have an idea for what to do with it. PM it to one of us.

doppelkorn

Thanks to all of you who've submitted things so far. My sack is overflowing!

In case anyone needs some inspiration, here's what we're short of right now:

* small spoof adverts (like 1/4 or 1/8 of an A4 page)
* letters to the editor(s)
* reviews of either real or non-existent things (of any description)

Let's Partridge this up with some undeveloped ideas:

* "Magnets 'n' me"
* "Punishment: sex with a jug-eared halfwit"
* "Izzy Wizzy let's get serious about tackling knife crime!"
* "LOW TIDE seafood buffet"
* The thought of a mushroom and hila hoop that's very 90s isn't it?
* "Eurovision bong contest"

That's all I got

Glebe

I've knocked up a few things, dunno if they'd be useable but what the hey.

pancreas

Quote from: Glebe on February 01, 2018, 10:38:32 PM
I've knocked up a few things, dunno if they'd be useable but what the hey.

Is it things with big eyes and theme tunes?

doppelkorn

Quote from: pancreas on February 01, 2018, 10:47:29 PM
Is it things with big eyes and theme tunes?

Cos we've had a lot of angry letters from Disney already and our legal team is pretty frazzled

Chairman Bodog

I like the allure of deadlines. The way they shimmer and shake and bake. I'll drop my dead noth by the day, I can assure.

Glebe


madhair60


zomgmouse

Quote from: Chairman Bodog on February 01, 2018, 11:17:20 PM
I like the allure of deadlines. The way they shimmer and shake and bake. I'll drop my dead noth by the day, I can assure.

Alright easy there Douglas Adams.

P.S. Please submit things!

Spoon of Ploff

Dear sweet The Editors,

Have you thought about a cover yet? If not how aboot making a competition of it?

Give us the title and text of it and let tne WimbleWronguns amongst us have 48 hours to come up with a work of awful beauty. The dear, dear, sweet editors then pick the winner.

It can be our fix until the summer.

Just an idea.

Peace and love

Spoon of Ploff




madhair60


kittens

i had a an idea but i'm going to use it.
here's an idea for your comic 'gay cars', it's the movie cars but they're gay. 'gay monsters university'. gay up. three ideas for you, good luck mate

Spoon of Ploff

Quote from: madhair60 on February 08, 2018, 11:11:57 AM
got no comic ideas can someone help me out

a man living in a remote house sits alone and bored at a table for 24 hours (we see this occur over a number of frames by the movement of a clock on the wall behind him). Then there is a knock on the door. this freaks him out. the end.... the title for the piece is Ennui #1. Don't mess this up madhair60

bgmnts

The Alt-Right Kids.

Like the Bash Street Kids from the Beano but they have far right opinions.

Each issue would have them dealing with one of their prejudices and having their eyes opened of course. Every strip would end with the chief character, Bifty, going "You know what, theyre actually altright!"


Shit idea but wanted to take part, get in tbe spirit.

Gregory Torso

Quote from: madhair60 on February 08, 2018, 11:11:57 AM
got no comic ideas can someone help me out

"The Bees That Fuck Up": a colony of bees attempts to integrate into human society but they keep committing terrible social faux pas e.g.  They dress up like Harold Shipman on Halloween or buzz too loudly in a cinema.

"Igloo Goes Down": an Eskimo prostitute struggles to get out of the Inuit ghetto

"I am not a plumber, I am a free man": it's like the Prisoner but with toilets.

There you go. Three incredible ideas just bursting with potential hilarity.

pancreas


pancreas

The Dalai Lama mysteries, in which the Dalai Lama investigates murders and fucks everything up.

ollyboro

Quote from: madhair60 on February 08, 2018, 11:11:57 AM
got no comic ideas can someone help me out
Enoch Prowler - The adventures of an inner city peeping tom with white supremacist leanings.

bgmnts

Quote from: pancreas on February 08, 2018, 11:46:14 AM
The Dalai Lama mysteries, in which the Dalai Lama investigates murders and fucks everything up.

The Dalai Lama could talk to the reincarnations of the murder victims though!

The Dalai Llama? Has anyone done anything with pun?