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INCONSEQUENTIAL WALLACE AND GROMIT.

Started by Glebe, February 04, 2018, 04:52:17 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

SINISTER PENGUIN: I have come to stay with you and wreck comical havoc.

POLICE OFFICER: Not so fast, mate. I am arresting your for suspicion of crimes.

WALLACE: Phew, that was a close one! More expensive, luxury cheese, Gromit?

GROMIT: Don't mind if I do, Wallace! Sloo!

THE END!


Absorb the anus burn


Replies From View

*Wallace gets out of bed and walks downstairs to the kitchen, while Gromit butters some toast*

WALLACE:  That went as well as could be expected, didn't it, hmm?  Could do with a little adjustment to the... drop?  A little boring on re-entry?

*Wallace picks up his toast and chews it, all the while wiggling his fingers like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit*

WALLACE:  Mediocre toast, Gromit.

Gregory Torso

Wallace melts in the heat from the toaster.

WALLACE: Devastating toasted bread, Gromit.

Glebe

WALLACE: Help, it's the wrong trousers, Gromit!

GROMIT: Not to worry it's actually the right trousers, Wallace.

THE END.

Lemming

WALLACE: The moon, lad! We can find cheese on the moon!

GROMIT: Cheese can be bought locally.

WALLACE: Oh

Glebe

WALLACE: What's that you've got in your mouth, Gromit?

GROMIT: It's a Were-Rabbit. Film over.

Norton Canes

GROMIT: Yeah, I find that the thermostat's really easy to use, and keeps the house at a constant temperature.

Replies From View

WALLACE:  Not even Wensleydale?

WENDOLINE:  I said I like zero cheeses.

WALLACE:  What's wrong with Wensleydale?

WENDOLINE:  It's not specifically Wensleydale, I said.  It is all cheeses that I hate.

WALLACE:  I have to choose between you and Wensleydale?

WENDOLINE:  No, because I am not a choice.  You fixed my robot dog but that doesn't mean we are well suited apart from Wensleydale.  Get over it you finger-twiddling nit.

WALLACE:  I choose Wensleydale.

SHAUN:  I will be a completely different character in my spin-off show.

JoeyBananaduck

Wallace: Well, another day of tinkering with contraptions, eh lad?

Gromit: *stares into middle distance*

Wallace: I'm so lonely.

Gromit: *stares into middle distance*

Glebe

WALLACE: Don't mean to be rude, but your 'cheese shop' doesn't appear to contain any actual cheese.

MICHAEL PALIN: It's looking rather like the 'cheese elements' of your next caper may be sorely lacking, given the lack of cheese available at the moment, if you don't mind me saying, sir.

WALLACE: Oh dear.

THE END.

Replies From View

WALLACE:  Good grief!  It's you!!

PENGUIN:  It should make very little difference whether I am a penguin or a chicken, mind you.

Replies From View

WALLACE:  I think I'll make my own porridge.

*GROMIT does eyebrows*

JoeyBananaduck

Wallace: .................. [is silent owing to Peter Sallis' death]

Gromit: ................ [is silent owing to the fact that he is silent]

Norton Canes

WALLACE: Want some Wensleydale, Grommit?

GROMMIT: Just a tiny amount

madhair60

Int. Gromit's Birthday

Wallace: I have in no way acknowledged your birthday and bought you nothing as you are a dog.

Gromit: *Barks*

WALLACE: I've returned those trousers you were miffed at and bought this Spaniel bitch instead. Happy fucking birthday, lad. Show her yer train set you dirty bugger!

GROMIT'S LIPSTICK POPS OUT, A PROCESS THAT TOOK NICK PARK THREE HOURS TO ANIMATE.

madhair60


Namtab

#18
'Look at him, he's like a man in a permanent mid-life crisis, leaping from woman to woman, playing up zany characteristics like his love of cheese for attention, and constantly making inventions no one really wants or are actually that useful. Fuck him. He makes my life a misery' thinks Gromit. Wallace eats some cheese.

Ferris

Wallace: I had the strangest dream about trains and evil penguins and robot trousers and that... maybe I should cut down on the cheese before bed. You know, just a bit.

*looks at dog*

Wallace: Nah fuck it pass me another wheel of Edam there, I'll get stuck in - it's breakfast and most important meal of the day, it's european after all. Who needs any human contact anyway?

zomgmouse

Wallace: "hi you stole my cheese"

Gromit [internally]: "ok"

JoeyBananaduck

Wallace: Well lad, now that my voice actor's carked it we're really in a pickle! I think this might be the end of the road for us, faithful pooch.

Gromit: Ah well. We'll live on through repeats at every major Bank Holiday.

Wallace: .......Gromit?! Did you just speak?

Gromit: Yeah, fuck it. Anything goes now.

Wallace: Cracking nihilism, Gromit?

Gromit: Is that the best you can do?

Wallace: Yeah. Hey, you know what used to piss me off?

Gromit: I don't know. What?

Wallace: Having to wear shirts that are just in fact sleeves put on by one of them gadgets I'm supposed to have made. So I've got an itchy sweater on a string vest rubbing up against me cold tits.

Gromit: That would be unpleasant and it'd be better to just put a shirt on manually. But luckily we're both made of plasticine and it doesn't really matter.

Wallace: That it is, Gromit of the Aardman.

Gromit: You know what, speaking of Aardman, whatever happened to Douglas from the Lurpack ads?

Wallace: Probably got binned, lad. Same as the chickens from Chicken Run.

Gromit: Ironic really. They met a sticky end despite their heroic escapades - and all without even providing a nutritious and tasty meal for someone.

Wallace: Well, I doubt playdough is very nutritious and tasty, Gromit.

Gromit: Don't get smart, bald-o. Besides, infants eat it.

Wallace: I suppose so.

[beat]

Wallace: I didn't like Chicken Run much

Gromit: Yeah, me neither.

Wallace: What about the Shaun the Sheep movie?

Gromit: Didn't see it.

Wallace: Yeah, me neither.

Ferris

That was beautiful. I'd picture them both sitting on the edge of the stage, looking out to the audience, like Waiting for Godot (if Godot was a kind of cheese maybe, that would be funny).

madhair60

(Wallace enters, wearing a kimono, and kneels at the kotatsu)

Wallace: Ohaiyou Gromit-kun, walkies wo shimasu.

(Clasps hands together as if in prayer)

Wallace (continues): Itadakimasu.

(Takes a bite of toast)

Wallace: Oishi toast, Gromit-kun.

Gregory Torso

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on February 07, 2018, 06:07:45 AM
That was beautiful. I'd picture them both sitting on the edge of the stage, looking out to the audience, like Waiting for Godot (if Godot was a kind of cheese maybe, that would be funny).

Waiting for Gouda?

Norton Canes


Gregory Torso

WALLACE: 坏消息, Gromit. 我们的主人Nick Park厌倦了plasticine Yorkshiremen.
所以他现在正dirt cheap Chinese labour 来激励我们.

GROMIT: Fuck.

WALLACE: 是。所以我们现在在英国农村可能不会有那么多hilarious adventures.

GROMIT: 万岁Chairman Mao.

Glebe

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on February 07, 2018, 05:58:04 AMGromit: You know what, speaking of Aardman, whatever happened to Douglas from the Lurpack ads?

Wonderful stuff Joey.

Quote from: Gregory Torso on February 07, 2018, 08:07:51 AMWaiting for Gouda?

Heh!

AARDMAN STUDIOS SOME YEARS AGO: We regret to announce that our next play-doh project, entitled 'Wallace and Gromit', has been shelved indefinitely. Instead, we shall carry on doing Morph forever.


Replies From View

WALLACE:  It's plasticine, Gromit, not play-doh.

Spoon of Ploff

WALLACE: I think I'll rent out the spare room Gromit

GROMIT LOWERS HIS PAPER AND GIVES WALLACE A LOOK

WALACE: No, you're right Gromit. Best not do that then.