Frayed Bentos

[spamwangler]

Slaps off alarm clock - nowhere near enough sleep - had enough of this fucking day, ill tell you that

[Glebe]

£2.99 per pand, Poundland.

[spamwangler]

a picture falls off the wall and smashes on the back of his head. he dosent even flinch. fucking typical, he thinks

[Replies From View]

He has a potted cactus over there, in the corner.  He can hear it slowly growing its thorns.  Doing his fucking head in.

[spamwangler]

sighs very deliberately in a queue while an elderly lady attempts to pay for 20 bensons with a big bag of assorted loose change

this is hell, he thinks. i am in actuall hell right now

[Sebastian Cobb]

He manages to get the only free table at the pub, but about a third through his pint in walks Gruesome Trevor, with what looks like to be a carrier bag full of pilchards. Too late Fray, he's seen you!

[Ferris]

The kids on the bus keep yelling "BENT-os!" at him on the bus. Barely even registers any more.

[Gregory Torso]

Frayed Bentos paces up and down outside the off-licence.

cmon cmon cmon cmon

Finally Dairy Lee comes out with a six pack of beer.

"Let's kill these, quick. I'm on a fucking knife's edge."

The beers are in white cans that say "BLACK DRINK" on them in 18-point Copperplate Gothic.

"What is this swill?"

"Cambodian" shrugs Dairy Lee. "Get it the fuck down you. Interview's in ten minutes."

[Glebe]

Frayed Bentos relaxes with a packet of Mentos.

[Replies From View]

Frayed Bentos knows how to crib vouchers from the salesburydo and fucking does la.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Frayed Bentos skimms pebbles off the surface of the canal for three hours. 10 points per skim... 50 bonus points for every duck he manages to stun.

Back of the Net he cries with each hit.

[Gregory Torso]

Frayed Bentos walks out of his house. "What shit everything" he thinks.

[Gregory Torso]

Frayed Bentos thinks about sticking his leg out in front of a bus just so he won't have to go to work for a while.

[Glebe]

Frayed Bentos watches clips of Noel's House Party on YouTube whilst enjoying a Creme GrEgg.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Frayed Bentos crumples up his beer can to release some tension, immediately cutting his hand open on a sharp corner.

[Ferris]

Frayed Bentos thought it was Thursday, but it's actually Wednesday. All turn out the same anyway.

[Glebe]

Frayed Bentos booked a holiday in Southern Italy, but the inclement weather has led to his flight being cancelled.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Frayed Bentos' weekend begins and ends with s fitful snooze between 2 and 3 am Saturday morning.

[Glebe]

FB chucks half a ton of stale yeast into a local canal.

[Gregory Torso]

Frayed Bentos misses his bus to work because there's a gang of three lads standing around smoking at the bus stop. He walks away in a breathless panic, goes behind a tree, chews four Gavsicon up.
Breathingly loudly through his mouth, he startles a fat wood pigeon which flies off, releasing a job lot of white shite with the exact consistency and colour as the fondant inside a creme egg. It arranges itself over Frayed Bentos work jacket and trousers quite efficiently.

[Glebe]

^Karma.

Frayed Bentos becomes a navy seal. Like, literally a blue sea-seal.

[Glebe]

Frayed B. spots a Greggs pastie going to waste in the park.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Frayed shrugs his shoulders as the wind rips the door of the Mondeo out of his hand and straight into the Merc next to him. He pays cash. "No-ones taking my no claims fucking bonus."

[Glebe]

Mr. Bentos takes his savings out of the post office and places them in his new credit union account.

[Glebe]

Frayed is wont to burst into Enya's 'Orinoco Flow' on a whim, though he enjoys substituting his own words. "Frayed away, frayed away, frayed away..."

[Huxleys Babkins]

Frayed Bentos can barely hold himself together as a six year old repeatedly and absent-mindedly slams a shopping trolley into his thigh at the Sainsbury's self-checkout. The mother should say something, but she isn't. She just isn't saying anything.

[spamwangler]

FB really wishes he could just have a full blown mental break down. He is horrified by his own resilience

[spamwangler]

"what do you want me to say about that? im not being funny but HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REACT TO THAT, i am being calm, i just dont know what you want from me"

Bentos, quick word in my office please?

Look, Frayed, ive been listening down the hall, and - i don't think that you're really in the right headspace to work in the Samaritans right now

[spamwangler]

oh god. so are you going to tell bentos about this?

well yea, i think i have to really

rather you than me! will he be ok?

yea he'll pull through, he always does

[Glebe]

Frayed stages a protest outside Greggs. Four people turn up; Bumpster Jay, Chicken Kievin, Admin Barry and Frayed Bentos.