Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 03:22:20 PM

Login with username, password and session length

MATTER OF FACT ONLY FOOLS & COACH TOURS

Started by DangledTeeth, March 10, 2018, 08:49:10 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Oi, you plonkers! You could be seated on this cushty Jubbly coach if you're willing to part £30 in kosher readies for the trip of a lifetime.

Chas and Dave impersonators (Singing): DAHNNNNA ELEPHANT AN' CASTLE!

Shifty Del: We are at the Elephant and Castle. Bennett Jubbly!

Chisel-faced Rodney: Cosmics.

No-beard Albert: You knah me, sahn, ar'm sayin' naffin'!

Shifty Del: Oh, come on, Uncle. You've gotta regale ahs with a bit of the old 'istory.

No-beard Albert: DOREN-NUH-WAW there was bananas. A fihym of petrol in the Thames used to spawkle in all diffront cahlers - I used to think Zippy, George, Bungle and Geoffrey lived in the sea.

Shifty Del: You were a bit of a divvy cunt in them days.

Chisel-faced Rodney: DEL!

No-beard Albert: Two-up and two-dahn 'ouses. Ragamuffins kickin' footballs against the wall. They was rahf people, but they was good people. The wives wrote on the roof: De-yar Ay-dolf... you can break ahr windahs... but you can't take ahr Elefont and Carsol. Nah look wha' they dahn to ih!

Shifty Del: Yeah... 's teriffic!

Chisel-faced Rodney: Teriffic?!

Passenger: It's a fuckin' Brutalist hellhole of geometric ugliness. We want our money back!

Bent 'tache Boycie (Weakly): Goat laugh.

Voiceover: Reserve your seat today.

Ferris

Plastic Del: lets all have a sing-song to pass the time

Passengers [glumly]: TVs, deep-freeze, David Bowie LPs...

H-O-W-L

Bakelite Del: "Lookit this fuckin' wanker drivin' on the wrong side'a the poxy road."

Plasticene Rodney: "Mel, mate, yer' meant to be bein' Del."

Bakelite Del: "Yeh, but lookit this fuckin' tossah."

TRINITITE BOYCIE MOCKS HIS NAMESAKE, DOING AN AWKWARD, BRAYING LAUGH TO BREAK THE TENSION.

THE PASSENGERS LOOK IN SHOCK AS DEL BOY'S RHETORIC TURNS RACIST

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Enjoy a wide selection of snacks and delicacies as we whisk you away to a seaside resort as part of our Only Fools and Coach Tour extravaganza!

Two passengers each pop open pink boxes

Passenger 1: These sandwiches look tasty.

Passenger 2: I bet a highly trained sous chef prepared these.

Non-descript Trigger (With snot hanging from nostril): No. I made them.

Big Moustache Boycie: All very hush-hush and whoosh-whoosh.

Microscopic Del: Bouquet de duets!

Passenger 3: Del and Boycie never said that.

Voiceover: Hurry now to reserve your seat.

Glebe

IMPOSTER DEL: Moi skinny nose iz naffink loike Del!

NOT-ROD: SEAGULL ATTACK!!!

ALBURT?: Could someone pleas help me remove these paper bits from my chin?

AUBREY: He's from Barcelona.

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Hello, Only Fools fans. I sound kind of like Christopher Biggins. Do you enjoy watching people impersonate classic comedy characters by incorrectly saying the lines with hardly any vigour? Do you like the type of cheery music that's often heard on daytime TV programmes? Well you're going to be entertained by this promotional advertisement.

Fat Del pumps his knees and sways back and forth as he grabs the lapels of his donkey jacket

Fat Del: Alrigh', me old fucker. Bennett de Jubbly and cushty bushty. (lightly singing) Stick the posies in me punnet, I'll fetch your suitcase from... the... luggage-compartment-of-this-coach.

Dyed Blonde Rodney: Cosmic, Derek Boy.

Fat Del: Let's all 'ave a walk on the shingle beach, eh. (Assertive hand motions) He dares and wins. HE DARES AND WINS!

Passenger: That's not what he says. It's 'he who d-

Voiceover: And hear Del's astonished query 'What's making that noise?!'

A knocking sound is heard from the lower part of the coach

Fat Del: What's makin' that noise?!

Coach Party: GIGGLE!

The coach's luggage compartment doors raises up and Trigger emerges

Bland Trigger: Salutations, Derek and David.

Fat Del: What've you been doin' in there, Trig? Jubbly.

Bland Trigger: Not much, Del. It's quite dark in there.

Dyed Blonde Rodney (Ironically): Playing 'eye spy' by yourself?

Bland Trigger: Don't be silly, David.

Fat del (Hopeful): Wha', because it's dark and it's at least a two-player game?

Bland Trigger: No. I don't know how to read.

Fat Del: Oh, Gordon Per-lon-kagh!

Coach Party: This is hilariously bad.

A load of inflated sex dolls burst out of the adjacent luggage compartment

Voiceover: £30 per tour. Book online or by telephone. The phone number is on our website. If you can't access our website then you're a bit fucked for that one.

Cuellar

For some reason all the adjectives combined with 'Del' make me cry with laughter in these threads. Seemingly innocuous things too: 'Fucked Del' in a previous one, 'Microscopic Del' in this one.

Ferris


DISHONOURABLE DISCHARGE DEL: Alright, my cushty little plonkers?

KEN: Hello there Del. *beams knowingly to the other passengers* I'm having a lovely jubbly time, but I don't think your Trotters Jellied Eel Medley agreed with Margaret.

MARGARET: I'm sorry, love. I've filled this.

DISHONOURABLE DISCHARGE DEL: What the fack do you call this? This ain't Mr Fackin' Bean's Facking Coach Tour, you dozy mare.

LOW-CARB RODNEY: What's going on?

DISHONOURABLE DISCHARGE DEL: This plonking fuck-arse has only gone and filled a blahdy sick bag. I told the agency, I don't do first aid. Not after Elaine C Smith's prolapse on Rab C Nesbitt Comedy Dining Experience.

LOW-CARB RODNEY: Sorry about this folks, Del's blood pressure must be getting a bit high. Quick, look at this prick.

UNCLE GRANDAD: Roll aht the barrel! We'll 'ave a barrel a' fun! Don't worry, love. I'll do you ahp sam breakfast!

COUPLE 1: We liked it when they walked back from the seashore and you saw those young girls' arses.

COUPLE 2: We liked it when Rodney accidentally spilt a bag of sick all over Del Boy and he got stabbed. Classic comedy, just like we remembered it.

COUPLE 3: We liked it when we voted for Brexit, because of course we did. Just look at the state of us.

VOICEOVER: Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepherds Bush, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book now!

Fambo Number Mive

GOUTY DEL BOY: T'riffic Rodney, a good old fashioned British traffic jam

FIFTY YEAR OLD RODNEY: We love queuing, Del. We should be really happy we can queue for three hours. Of course, it means we can't go to some of the filming locations.

PASSENGER 4: That's crap!

GOUTY DEL BOY: Who wants to buy some of my "knocked off gear". How about you, missus, would you like a fur coat.

PASSENGER 7: Fur coat off!

Gregory Torso

NERVOUS SQUIRRELY DELBOY: Cahm on everyone, off the coach and dahn to the wahters. You know it make sense.

PENSIONER: Water?

MARFAN SYNDROME WORK EXPERIENCE RODNEY: Carl, I mean, Del. We're still in a lay-by on the M4.

TINY TREMBLING CHIHUAHUA DEL: Gordon Kaye! Rodders! Let's do the raffle.

SURLY TEENAGER: This is shit!

RODNEY-LOOKING TRIGGER (climbing onto the bus): Alright, Daves. Who's ready to win some prizes.

PENSIONERS: When are we getting to Margate?

OUT-OF-HIS-DEPTH SWEATY DEL WRAPPED IN A TEEPEE: Right, my son. First ahp, we've got the biggest mini pork pie in Peckham. Leave it aht! Uncle Albert!

WHEEZING UNCLE ALBERT WEARING A PAIR OF FAKE PLASTIC TITS: During the Rwanda genocide...

SHETLAND DELBOY (whispering): Not this one! We're doing the bus one!

ALBERT: Shit. I mean, look at this tiny big pork pie.

(The big small pork pie is paraded up and down the aisle by BOYCIE or BASIL FAWLTY - it is unclear, because the actor is the same and is wearing the same moustache and suit and also could be RENE ARTOIS)

BOYCIE FAWLTY: Aha-ak-ah-hah-ha... Wait, is this the Fawlty Towers one or the Only Fools and...

SHIT SHIT VOICE OVER: Book now! For miles of laughter and pork pies and classic fuck-ups like these!

Fambo Number Mive

The coach has moved 200 yards in six hours.

UNClE ALBERT WITH BLOND HAIR: Right! Let's have another sing song.

The passengers are trying to squeeze into the toilet.

PASSENGER 5: What about something we know?

UNCLE ALBERT WITH BLOND HAIR hits him.

FOUR FOOT DEL BOY: "During the war"

UNCLE ALBERT WITH BLONDE HAIR: During the war, we had a sing song for hours, down in the tube stations while the NAzis roared overheard.

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Ensconce yourselves into our luxury seating as Del, Rodney, Uncle Albert, Sid, Boycie and Trigger provide the entertainment.

Nothing Del: Go' a drink, mate? Lovely jubilant. (Sways forearms with elbow jerking) Pool games and gold chains. Bush-Bush-Bush-Bush.

Inadequate Rodders: Sometimes I tell them you're a social worker.

Bollocks Trig: This coach has had 8 new tyres and 62 petrol refills.

Dishevelled Sid: How's it a brand new bahs, then?!

Bollocks Trig: Well the bus isn't stationary. What more proof do you need?

Skewed Boycie: Have a care, that chap's run absolutely amok!

Passenger: Where's Uncle Albert?

Nothing Del: Erm... yes, where has he gone to?

Nothing Del strides up the aisle and comes back wearing a beige duffle coat, complete with a white beard worn back to front

Wanky Uncle Albert: Doorin-nuh-wor. Fawl dahn an 'ole. Krypton Factagh. Concorde!

Passenger 2: Where's Del gone?

Wanky Uncle Albert: 'e'll back soon, lahve. Boomerang Del Boy - always cahms back!

Passenger 2: I want to take a photo of you and Del as a pair.

Wanky Uncle Albert: Erm, er-er. Oh! Toilet Del Boy - always budging his fudge!

Suddenly, Skewed Boycie rocks up wearing a sheepskin jacket and flat cap

Sheepskin Jacket Del: Good day to you, plonkers. Do you want a photographic depiction of myself alongside Albert, eh? Hah-ar-ah-ar-ah-ah!

Passenger 3: Why are you much taller now? And why do you have a moustache?

Sheepskin Jacket Del: I erm...

Wanky Uncle Albert's beard falls off

Voiceover: They can't get anything right, can they!?

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Prepare your wally selves for a sensational couch tour with the Trotters and friends. Today's destination is a location from a tremendous episode of Britain's much-loved sitcom.

THE JOLLY BOYS' COACH TOUR

Chas 'n' Dave Impersonators: Drive the midway coach to the mo'orway pahb. 2-4-6-8 ain't never too fence and gate. GERCHA! Everybody's banging on at us. I can't ear'ole a thing they're on abaht. It's goin' 'rahnd me loaf. Oh-waaah-woh-ah-woh-wah! GERCHA!

Beard Denzil: I have not got an ear disease. It's an infection... of the ears. Antibiotics.

Tiny Del: Dan't warry, Denzo, I won't tell anyb- Have a blow-up sex doll.

Actors: UNSANITORY!

Passenger: I thought it was a bell!?

Dismal Rodders: Watch out, Margate. And eh! Lock ahp yaw dawtoz! Ah-hah-hah-hah. (Rodney turns his head to face someone alongside him) Hello Denis Lill.

Denis Lill: I'm one of the passengers.

Chas n Dave Impersonators: So won't you pleeee-eeease 'elp coffee and tea.

Moustache Albert: Ge' aht of it, you noisy paira cahnts. (Wobbles head) Hoo-hergh-uh-heah.

Voiceover: Enjoy a drink as we have a rest from the journey

Dismal Rodders: Here we go, Del, mate. The Halfway House is coming up.

Tiny Del (Lightly singing into tanoy): Hey, hey, a million miles to Margate. Lay on the lawn, he's already home. When the morning ray hits his faaaaace.

Passengers: Eh!?

Moustache Albert: Fancy anatha wahn, Sid?

Voiceover: Who's for an intermission of football?

Dismal Rodders: Lionel Messi!? Fuckin' nowhere!

Dismal Rodders volleys a ball accidentally into the face of a passenger

Passenger: Oh! That stings a bit!

Dismal Rodders: Sorry, mate. I didn't mean to.

Voiceover: Immerse yourselves in the ultimate OFACT experience after the thrilling activities in Margate

Tiny Del: Oh! Quick! Everyone off the bus! (Knowing wink) Out-of-it!

Passengers: Tee-hee-hee!

The tour party assemble and look at the coach. A huge banner unravels from the roof, depicting a fiery explosion.

Dismal Rodders (Holding mobile phone to his ear): Cassandra, our coach has exploded into a gigantic fireball of decimation.

Tiny Del (To Driver): Fear not, Harold, I will not submit a negative account of events to your boss.

Coach Party: They aren't quite the correct lines, and the driver's name tag reads 'Marcus' but it'll do. Ha ha!

Tiny Del: We'll have to book a hotel for the night. The replacement coach won't be here until tomorra mornin'. 

The Coach Party nudge each other and grin

Tiny Del: Nah, naoh, I'm bein' serious. The coach is very low on petrol, and the steerin' wheel keeps getting stuck.

Coach Party: Oh, for pissing shit's sake!

Plain Trigger walks around in a circle

Stilts Boycie: Awfter you've awll booked into a haotel, would you like a basket of scampi and an exclusive lapdarnce from Ruhkayl the Strippagrehm minus the Great Raymondo? Hush-hush. Whoosh-whoosh. Eyah-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Voiceover: There's a seat with your name on it... that's if you actually book your place, and I don't mean it literally like it'll become a personalised seat.

Ferris

Something about Trigger owning the bus, and it having 4 new sets of wheels and 8 new bits of bus

UNDERAGE DEL: Come on Rodders, get those cocktails handed out.

GAUNT RODNEY: We're out of cocktails, Del. All we've got left is this multipack of Um Bongos.

UNDERAGE DEL: Oh, Rodney, you plonking great stickdipper. Never mind, eh, these mugs won't notice.

PASSENGER: Haha! We do get real cocktails though don't we?

UNDERAGE DEL: Don't worry about that shite, check this out.

CWYING: Cwwwwwyyyyyyyyyying, over you. Cwwwwwwwwwyyyyyyyyyyyying...

PASSENGER: What a rip-off! He wasn't on the Jolly Boys Outing!

UNDERAGE DEL: Neither were you, you soppy cow. Shut up and eat your Super Noodles.

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Coach tours. OFAH theme. Actors. Jubblies!

Upside-down Beard Uncle Albert: Dyoren-thuh-waw there was this beau'iful woman called 'elga! Nein. I think in 'er aown way she lavved me; she never charged me as much as the other concordes.

Passenger: I'm terribly regretful to spoil the proceedings, for I have a query.

Stubble Chin Del: G'on, dahlin'. She who asks a question wins!

Passenger: You and those dining and catering groups always have an Uncle Albert, but there's never a Grandad. Well, at least going by what I've seen. Why is that?

Upside-down Beard Uncle Albert (received pronunciation): Wellhl my dear, Grandad Trrrrottaw's charactaw, quite sehdleh, is deceassssed as is the actor Lennard Pearce. One simply cannot impersonate a prominent figyure in the sitcom when the gentleman who portrayed him has expired.

Passenger 2: Thing is, mate, Buster Merryfield died and Uncle Albert was respectfully written out of it in the Xmas special If They Could See Us Now yet you're impersonating him.

Stubble Chin Del: Er...

Upside-down Beard Albert: Uh...

Sandals Rodney: Suddenly, the carefree dining evenings turned into tasks on a coach... and I ain't ever felt a shitting pain like that in awll mar life!

Ineffective Boycie lurches along the aisle with a ukelele

Ineffective Boycie: KNEES AHP, MAVVA BRAHN! Hush-hush, whoosh-whoosh. Ah-yeh-yeh-ugh-eh!

Voiceover: Why was this filmed then approved?! And why have I recorded a voiceover for it?!

Captain Z

Dell: Hello my darling, and welcome on board...

Passenger #1: Hope it doesn't blow up!

Boysie: Hahahahahahaaaa

Dell: And au reviour to you sir...

Passenger #2: Here, I hope you've checked the stereo's wired up properly!

Boysie: Hahahahahahaaaa

Dell: Yes on you get, this is the jolly boys outing!

Passenger #3: Hey driver, I hope he hasn't sold you one of his dodgy stereos!

Boysie: Hahahahahahaaaa

Dell: Climb aboard, let me give you a hand there...

Passenger #4: I was just saying, I hope it doesn't blow up!

Boysie: Hahahahahahaaaa

Glebe

SKINNY-NOSED DEL: Excuse me, madam, y'carn't sit there!

MADAM: Which one is Del-Boy?

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Only Fooooools and Coach Touuuuurs!

Minute Del: Have a pink box, darling. He who wins, eh! He who wins

Moustache Albert: I remembah jampin' into the fireman's net and thinking: that's gra'itude for yer! Grandad's 'eadstone.

Yellow Blazer Alan Perkins: Congratulations, Passengers, you are lifelong members of the Coachty Gang.

Passenger 1: Sorry?

Passenger 2: The wha'?

Yellow Blazer Alan Perkins: The Coachty Gang. I suppose you could say it's a portmanteau of 'cushty' and 'coach'. It's a little idea
we came up with. Whenever I say 'Are you all enjoying the tour?', you all say 'Cooooachty!'

The Coach Party plod through a tedious seaside town with no amusement arcade

Yellow Blazer Alan Perkins: Are you all enjoying the tour?

Tourist 1 (Without hesitation): No.

Tourist 2 (Insouciantly): It's okay, 'spose.

Tourist 3 (Earthworm Jim's voice): GROOVY!

Tourist 4 (Plainly): I think it's bollockin' crap.

Minute Del blazes along the pavement in a Batman costume

Minute Del: DA-NA-NANANANA! BAAHTMAAAHN!

Yellow Blazer Alan Perkins (Mumbled): Flippin' fuck! (To Passengers) Let's depart in the coach, everyone. We'll be home in no time.

Scruffbag Rodney: You wouldn't be able to get that fuckin' coach to do 70 if you pushed it off a cliff.

Odd Trigger: When you told me you wan'ed a fag you made me carry you to the top deck.

Wire-haired Boycie: There is no top deck, Triggaw. Ah-ah-ah-yeh-yeh-ah!

Voiceover: Get your place on the coach via our website or by phone.

Glebe

SEAGULL: Get tae fuck, Rodney!

BASIL: I'll tell you something, I've not been on a coach trip this shit for yonks.

SAUSAGE MEAT FACED DEL: Stone the crows, Rodney, where's Uncle Grandad? The coach leaves in ten minutes!

IRISH RODNEY: I saw him headin' off toward the amusements.

SAUSAGE MEAT FACED DEL: Let's go get him before he scares himself to death on the waltzer, the dozy old plonk.

UNCLE GRANDAD: Don't worry boys. Just having a quick go on the OutRun 2 machine. The wheel's seen better days but it's a modern classic.

SAUSAGE MEAT FACED DEL: That it is, Albert. That it is.

Fucked Del

#22
...

Ferris

Are you here to give us the inside scoop on how these coach trips really work? I hope so.

Glebe

GRANDDAD: Nobody will turn ap! It'll be a slow bus to Brighton!

NOT-DEL-NOT-EVER-DEL: Pessimistic sod! They'll cam, you'll see!

BASIL FAWLTY: He chucked all the leaflets down the chute.

RODNEY: Del, can you get me a guard dog to protect against seagull attacks?

Fucked Del

#25
...

Glebe

MEMBER OF COACH PARTY: This is the worst thing I've ever done.

NON-DEL: Yeah go on, ruin it for everone else you miserable piece of shit.

DangledTeeth

Voiceover: Only Foo-woohls and Coach Tuuaws has onboard delicacies for you to eat on your journey. LOOOOVELY FFFFUCKLY!

Cheap Del: The sausage an' mash is goin' dahn well out there. Bennett de Shepherd's Bush, as I say in the coach.

Inadequate Albert: Ar've made the coffee.

Cheap Del: No, you can't do thaaaaht. They've not finished their mains, nor have they opened those pink boxes and 'ad their complimentary cocktails.

Inadequate Albert: Bu' it dan't take us that long to finish ahr dinnuhs.

Cheap Del: Yes, but we're not scrapin' the gherkin aht of a Big Mac. We've got passengers. We're takin' our time. We're savouring the food and ambiance by cooking them the meals. I mean, over there (pointing towards the front end of coach) they're conversing between each mouthful, some of whom are holding in the chuffs of their arse so as not to cause invisible havoc for the old olfactory caverns. They're glancing at the passing traffic with grey clouds floating above - it's painfully sophisticated and monotonously civilised.

Cheap Del raises a large jar containing a brown substance

Cheap Del: I'll whack this in the microwave. (Cheap Del sniffs) Oi! Just a minute! What coffee did you make this with?

Inadequate Albert: That jar over there.

Cheap Del: This ain't coffee! Smell that. It's fuckin' gray-vay!

Inadequate Albert (Inhales): Yah. That's gravy. It's noh my faul'; it's them jars - look ah 'em! 'ow my sappost to tell the diff'rence?

Cheap Del: I have devised a helpful method which helps one to identify and differentiate the pair, it's called straightforward observation. One label reads 'Coffee 100% guaranteed, my son' and the other one reads 'Definitely gravy, Uncle Albert, f'fuck's sake' - it's a bit of a giveaway really, innit.

Inadeuate Albert: I goh mixed ahp.

Cheap Del: I'll put you in one-a those pink boxes in a minute. (Ponders) 'old ahp! If you've made gravy in the coffee pot... what are they pourin' over their sausage an' mash?!

Cheap Del pokes his head over a seat

Cheap Del: Alrigh'?

Passenger 1 (With blob of mashed potato and streak of coffee across top lip): Yes, thank you.

Cheap Del: Hah-hah, jubbly tart! (To Inadequate Albert) They're only doin' it! They're pouring the 'gravy' over their bloated sausage and lifeless mash. Not only have you fucked up every pissing vessel you've sailed on, you've knackered a gravy coach!

Cheap Del and Inadequate Albert sit near the passengers

Passenger 1: Gravy, Del Boy?

Cheap Del: Fuck! Off! I mean no thank you. I'm trying to give it up.

Cheap Del rises from his seat

Cheap Del: Erm... I've got to announce something vitally important. Thing is, Uncle Albert mixed the coffee and gravy containers and has consequently mixed each one in the incorrect jars. I'm very sorry. I just found out a minute or two ago.

Passenger 2: Ah that's okay, mate. None of us are particularly hungry. We can purchase some fish and chips when we arrive at the seaside.

Passenger 3: Yeah, we've seen the Xmas special. We know what occurred.

Cheap Del: Cushty Dipsticks!

Passenger 2: Any gravy for you, Albert?

Inadequate Albert: Noh fer me, dear.

Cheap Del: Oh, you'll have some. We know how you like a drop of Maxwell to accompany your dinner.

Cheap Del drowns Inadequate Albert's lunch in coffee

Cheap Del: Cunt!

Passengers: HAHAHAHAHA!

Voiceover: Join the next coach tour at a location near you

Glebe

THIN-NOSED DEL: Owoight, owoight, wan at a toime!

THIS IS NOT RODNEY: 'ere Del, oi 'ope vis baz does not explode!

PAYING CUSTOMERS: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

MR. FAWLTY: No really, it's a fucking health hazard.

JEWISH DEL: Who's 'ad my facking crisps, eh?

PASSENGER: Sorry, Del. I thought they were part of my Trotter's Independent Lunch Tray(ders).

JEWISH DEL: I will fucking stab you.

ASTHMATIC RODNEY: Sorry about this, folks. Del just needs his pills.

PASSENGER: Sorry, Rodney. I think I've eaten them too.

ASTHMATIC RODNEY: Oh, shitting jubblys.