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March 29, 2024, 12:52:51 PM

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Access day dad

Started by Dr Syntax Head, March 16, 2018, 04:14:29 PM

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Dr Syntax Head

Sunday. 11am. Ford Mondeo. Brian Ferry Jealous Guy.  Weeps. 4pm. Foo Fighters best of me at a slightly higher volume. Windows down. 9pm. Meal for one and old episodes of Bullseye. 10pm. Weeps.

Glebe

Sits in the car listening to Steve Winwood's greatest hits with a can of Stella. Contemplates buying a brown leather jacket.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Dr Syntax Head on March 16, 2018, 04:14:29 PM
Sunday. 11am. Ford Mondeo. Brian Ferry Jealous Guy.  Weeps. 4pm. Foo Fighters best of me at a slightly higher volume. Windows down. 9pm. Meal for one and old episodes of Bullseye. 10pm. Weeps.

I laughed.

Access day dad thinks Corbyn needs to grow up, looney left.

spamwangler

resolves to see what all the fuss is about this dubstep thing

Glebe

ADD has two tickets for ELO at Wembley. Now it's just a matter of convincing Margaret from Sales to come along. Fish and chip supper, and he'll pop the question. That ring wasn't cheap! (Well it was, but it's the thought that counts.)

Sebastian Cobb

Considers him well above the spreadsheet wankers in the office.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Batman costume

Scunthorpe Library roof

Suspended sentence and fine


Where's the justice

Glebe

"Here Judy, do you like The Jam?"

"What flavour?"

"Never mind. Looks like I'm going to this tribute act bollocks on my own tonight."

Fishfinger

Back home. Cords and shirt off. Babestation on in 3 hours.

Butchers Blind

Washing up in sink since Tuesday last.  Text from ex asking for £100 for new school uniform.  Four cans of 'lager' from Lidl.  Damp in one bedroom flat getting worse.  Letter from CSA recalculating payments in her favour.  Chaturbate.

Dr Syntax Head

ADD accepts an insincere sympathy invite to a night out with the 20 something young chaps from the office. He hopes to cop of with  Sarah from HR he's had his eye on for a while. He tags along to a local nightclub playing wob wob bass music surrounded by youngsters. He's overcome with shame and sadness as he sees the young and carefree genuinely enjoying a night out, he doesn't belong. He sits at the bar self consciously tending a pint. He tries not to watch Dean from accounts and Sarah engaging in an open display of sexual abandon in their dance. He leaves, walks home and buys a small bottle of vodka from a Spar holding back tears as it's starts to drizzle.

Glebe

Finds an old Prefab Sprout CD in the garage while visiting ex-wife Sheila. "Sigh. Bottle of wine, bit of Prefab, magic. Those days are over... those days are over..."

Sheila hears him gently sobbing and stops young Nigel in his tracks. "Not now, Nigel... go and play with y'football."

Beagle 2

Takes the lad bowling. Little shit never takes his eyes off his phone. Texts his son a gif of a pair of wobbly tits. "Dad, that's really inappropriate" . What the fuck is his mum filling his head with.

Glebe

"There's a Smokie tribute act on at The Cleethorpes Arms tonight, Jessica. They've very good. Fancy going?"

The answer is "No."

Glebe

ADD takes his new step-daughter to see The Darkness. She leaves halfway through and goes home. ADD is too pissed to notice, but sobers up to find himself in a pool of vomit in an alley behind an Asda at 6:30 AM.

Glebe

Starts growing his hair long again and going to nightclubs. Usually ends up crying on his own in the chippy.

#16
Quote from: Glebe on March 18, 2018, 04:23:55 PM
Finds an old Prefab Sprout CD in the garage while visiting ex-wife Sheila. "Sigh. Bottle of wine, bit of Prefab, magic. Those days are over... those days are over..."


"All my lazy teenage boasts are now high precision ghosts"

Well that line's killing me now I'm mid 40's.


Sebastian Cobb

Fray Bentos straight out the tin for the fourth night running.

'Ruby tomorrow' he thinks.

Glebe

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on March 20, 2018, 10:53:53 PM
Fray Bentos straight out the tin for the fourth night running.

'Ruby tomorrow' he thinks.

He can't remember her number, though.

#19
ADD drops Kevin off early to his seething mother. Insults ringing in his ears. Same insults for five years now. Numb to it. He'll understand one day. Can't be late. Got a date with Karen from the Tesco Express. Nice lass. Got a raw deal off her ex. Got two of her own. Both football mad. They'd get on well.

She's not here. He waits. One hour. Two hours. Three hours. Had a few so he can't even drive home now. Can't justify a taxi. Night bus.

"Sorry, I thought you were joking", she says when he picks up his milk the next morning. Of course she did. Pretty young mum like that. Probably got loads of single dads cracking onto her on the school run.

"Why didn't you go, Karen? He seems nice." asks Sheila as he trudges past the window, head bowed. "He could do better than me. Fancy another cuppa?"

She did.

And he couldn't.

Glebe

BEEP-BEEP!

He's outside in the car. Wants to take the lad bowling. Attempt some belated bonding. "It's too late for that now mate, there's an ocean of indifference between you," she thinks.

Glebe

Standing at the door to the lounge, marvelling at the PS4.

"Cuh, back in my day our biggest thrill came from the latest Panini football sticker book. I'll get me coat, as the man in the Harry Enfield show says."

Glebe

"Now, who fancies some lovely Turkey Twizzlers?"

"I wish I was with mum and George tonight."


Glebe

Access Day Dad hits a seagull while out for a drive, and tosses it's dazed body into a ditch.

Yes. It's Generous Seagull. But don't worry, he makes a full recovery and shits all over ADD's new moped.

Gregory Torso

Access Day Dad wrecks his cock on a homemade fleshlight made from a bogroll's cardboard tube with a sponge stapled to the end. Tells his kid he sprained himself coming off his quad bike.

Glebe

"A second-hand PS2."

"Happy Birthday, lad!"

Quote from: Glebe on March 25, 2018, 05:39:07 PM
"A second-hand PS2."

"Happy Birthday, lad!"

"Did you think that was it? Only the best for my boy! I got you some games too."

*Son opens second present full of Atari ST games*

"Bloke at the car boot said you'd love them."

Glebe

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on March 25, 2018, 07:48:45 PM
"Did you think that was it? Only the best for my boy! I got you some games too."

*Son opens second present full of Atari ST games*

"Bloke at the car boot said you'd love them."

"Pac-Man, Frogger, Joust... never heard of any of these, dad."

"Me neither, son... is Frogster the blue hedgehog one? Anyway, go on, pop 'em in your Sega cassette computer!"

Glebe

ADD goes to a Marillion concert and manages to get Fish's autograph. Then he goes and sits in his car for awhile, staring at the autograph with 'Kayleigh' playing at full blast from the tape deck speakers. "Wait 'til she see's this, she'll be so jealous!" he laughs. Then he starts to cry, gently at first then the floodgates open.

RoadMaintenanceTycoon