The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[Ferris]

super wolf blood moon

Yeah but why did I stick it in the "WDYRLL?" thread? Probably hopped up cameras and non-alcoholic beer.

[BlodwynPig]

Yeah but why did I stick it in the "WDYRLL?" thread? Probably hopped up cameras and non-alcoholic beer.

Because you were dresses for the antarctic and then told me about the moon.

I reckon i had racoons or coyotes on my patio last night, weird noises and musky smells. Howls later on

[Ferris]

Because you were dresses for the antarctic and then told me about the moon.

I reckon i had racoons or coyotes on my patio last night, weird noises and musky smells. Howls later on

Ahh ok that makes sense.

[non capisco]

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Top, top stuff Clive

[St_Eddie]

Ahh ok that makes sense.

No it fucking don't.

[Jerzy Bondov]

I screw up my little rat face and smooch at all passing women, mwoo mwoo mwoo, but it is never poorly received: some will pat my furry little head or feed me bread crusts, we all agree that beating up is wrong and a crime.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Loved the last bit here

I was at a Stewart Lee gig once and someone got up for a piss half way through the set. Lee singled him out and called him a 'Christmas Cunt' (it was Christmas, obviously). I really needed a piss too but held onto it until Lee had left the stage, where upon I ran to the facilities and power washed the urinal off the wall and into space.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I laughed

[Lordofthefiles]

You can understand the confusion. Can you imagine the number of companies Danny would have revitalised had he made it to adulthood?

[touchingcloth]

the last erection you will ever experience is wasted on a minibus rattling over an old cattle grid.

when art is invalid, when the love has gone, when the cosby show comes on, when you can only think in gregg wallace

when specsavers prescribes dentures for your eyes, when an erotic ann summers chopstick becomes lodged in your hog socket

when arousal breaks down, when football is not enough,

when you are the canal and he is the barge

when you shuriken a scratchcard into the neck of a driveway slag who won't get out of the way and let you reverse to go to Tesco

when you goad someone's child into biting you so you can have it destroyed

then welcome.

Ooo Gregory Torso welcome.

In Jaaaaaaam.

[Gregory Torso]

[SteveDave]

First I'd cut my hair, to see if my cut hairs remain invisible, then I'd try blood, piss and every kind of excretia, storing them in separate jars in a controlled environment for observation them over a period of time...
Then I'd probably start a thread about it on here...
Then I'd maybe try to get my story in the paper, maybe get in contact with some science journals. Not in an attention-seeking way, but I figure people would probably want to know...
Maybe finish the day with a killing spree? For it to be effective I'd have to encounter my victims while fully nude (ideal) and use just my hands. So yeah, throttle a few babies first to see if I like it, then see where the wind takes me I guess.

[mothman]

I've been trying to get some Didi Conn jokes off the ground and I'm not sure it's happening, here's where we're at so far.

- You'll never guess who Jason Gardiner voted to eliminate from Dancing on Ice after she plummeted down the scores this week.
- Didi Conn descend the leaderboard?
- Yes he was quite rude to everyone.

- I hear Jason Gardiner was disappointed by Saara Aalto's skate this week.
- Didi Conn victor?
- No there's no need to get the police involved.

- Didi Conn often brings irrelevant props into the rink. This week, a furious Jason Gardiner marked her down for wearing boxing gloves, and snatched them off her backstage.
- Didi Conn for skate-off then?
- No he usually let her keep them.

- Jason Gardiner sold a story to the press about Didi Conn snogging Saara Aalto.
- Didi Conn necked with her?
- No I think this made things quite strained if anything.

- It feels like Jason Gardiner never really considered what he was going to say about her performances, just reeled off pre-written comments. It's like he's got a...
- Didi Conn template?
- No, I just told you, he put no thought into it at all.

- I heard Jason Gardiner voted to eliminate Didi Conn because of the structure she used to burn his three colleagues to death.
- Didi Conn's pyre with the other judges?
- No, he couldn't, they died.

- After her fall, Jason Gardiner cruelly voted to eliminate "the hole Gemma Collins left in the ice". He has since turned to religion to atone for his fatphobic joke.
- Didi Conn's a crater?
- I know he's religious now but that'd be a bit much.

- I hope Jason Gardiner doesn't mind me including him in all these jokes for my-
- Didi Conn tribute?
- No, I wrote them all myself.

- Jason Gardiner just sold another story to the press. He emailed The Mirror about one of the Dancing on Ice cast suffering from a tragic complication of pregnancy.
- Didi Conn ectopic?
- No that's disgusting, why would you want to see that?

- You wouldn't think it, but Didi really enjoys playing this racing game on the N64.
- Didi Conn racing?
- Yes.

- I hear Jason Gardiner attempted to console Didi Conn after her elimination by offering her a massage.
- And did he console?
- No just her shoulders.

Chortled and cackled so loud I just woke my wife up.

[canadagoose]

Chortled and cackled so loud I just woke my wife up.

I've got the hiccups after reading that. Loved it.

[non capisco]

Man, that is fucking excellent. Bravo, machotrouts!

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Man, that is fucking excellent. Bravo, machotrouts!

Seconded. You get some quality posts from the boy machotrouts.

[paruses]

From the police clampdown on hammers for brown people thread -

Stop



HAMMER CRIME

Love this place for these little bits of joy.

[Paul Calf]

Just came here to post that ^

[Ambient Sheep]

Thirded.  Sheer genius.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Yes!

[Ferris]

LMAO

Perhaps the worst condemnation of Winston Churchill I've ever seen.

[Uncle TechTip]

The rake diversion was sound as well.

[Thursday]

I made it into this thread! I've dreamed of this day for so long. Thank you FerriswheelBueller.

[Ferris]

I made it into this thread! I've dreamed of this day for so long. Thank you FerriswheelBueller.

To be fair, it really made me laugh.

[paruses]

So, I need to make new friends, but I don't know how an adult does this without coming across like a massive fucking granule. How do you DO IT?

Adding it to my vocabulary along with "absolute valve" and "you entire holocaust".

[Cerys]

Still giggling at that one.

[madhair60]

As he approaches the grave, an overzealous pallbearer tries to "put some stank on it"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hahaha

[Sebastian Cobb]

I do think that after school and university there should be a third or fourth thing in the same vein that allows people to get a re-up on the friend stash.

I don't know anyone who has a Meet Me at MacDonalds haircut, for example.

I guess this is what those paedo hunter groups are about