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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Ferris


Glebe

Quote from: biggytitbo on April 21, 2018, 03:08:41 PM
Don't mess with Dinenage, he knows a lot of very HARD BASTARDS.

The name sounded familiar, Googled it - Oh right, How presenter bloke. He looks like the bastard love-child of Barry Cryer and Chris Addison, if they could find that much love for each other.

darby o chill

QuoteI look like an apple on stilts.
Nero in Fat belly thread

QuoteUrn Troyer
Ornlu in Verne Troyer dead thread

petril

Quote from: Glebe on April 21, 2018, 11:34:58 PM
The name sounded familiar, Googled it - Oh right, How presenter bloke. He looks like the bastard love-child of Barry Cryer and Chris Addison, if they could find that much love for each other.

I keep wondering how sick to death he must be of when people first meet him and go HOWWWWW with their hand up, but funniness just increases proporationally with how fucking sick of it he is.

Wonder how that compares with Gaz "Gareth Jones" Top.

biggytitbo


Johnny Yesno

Quote from: tenmen on April 19, 2018, 07:18:07 AM
I feel ashamed to admit this but I actually used to think highly of him. I remember reading all of his work in one day, when I was about 4 and I was taken in by the simplicity and lack of pretense, maybe I saw it as an antidote to Finnegans Wake which I'd read the day before.

Can you believe I was ever that dumb? Everybody look! I want you to know how dumb I was because at a young age that I decided to specify I admired an artist that you still like.

A gifted child, this one.


steve98

Quote from: steve98 on April 22, 2018, 02:45:52 PM
Does "How" just mean hi? And do you always have to say it with a stern face? How would an, for example, ebullient, Native American Samantha or Kim say "How"?

Jockice

Quote from: petrilTanaka on April 22, 2018, 01:54:38 PM
I keep wondering how sick to death he must be of when people first meet him and go HOWWWWW with their hand up, but funniness just increases proporationally with how fucking sick of it he it must be.

You have to sing the theme tune to really annoy him. Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, do do do do HOW!

petril

Quote from: Jockice on April 22, 2018, 04:16:13 PM
You have to sing the theme tune to really annoy him. Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, do do do do HOW!

An experiment was carried out to determine whether he gets more annoyed at the original theme, or more annoyed at the How 2 one...


Glebe




the

Quote from: idunnosomename on April 23, 2018, 09:36:01 AMroyal baby!!!!!!!!!


I LOVE A ROLAY BABY
7


If you could put a little microphone in front of the cranial hamster that operates the controls of Nicholas Witchell, this would be his squeaky voxpop

Shaky

Quote from: petrilTanaka on April 22, 2018, 01:54:38 PM
I keep wondering how sick to death he must be of when people first meet him and go HOWWWWW with their hand up, but funniness just increases proporationally with how fucking sick of it he is.

Wonder how that compares with Gaz "Gareth Jones" Top.

I have it on fairly shaky authority that Gaz Top once asked a friend of a friend if he could piss on her.


canadagoose

Quote from: Dannyhood91 on April 17, 2018, 07:22:06 PM
A Craig David bedspread from 2001, upon which rests a single, pathetic, unhealthy turd.


spamwangler

Thraxxx's dog shit dad revenge escapade in the amusment thread, that post really does have it all

Paul Calf

Quote from: Dr Syntax Head on April 24, 2018, 11:15:11 AM
Better question: You wake up to find your dad wanking over your sleeping form. Would you rather he was laughing or crying?


Paul Calf

Quote from: spamwangler on April 24, 2018, 10:42:37 PM
Thraxxx's dog shit dad revenge escapade in the amusment thread, that post really does have it all

I went off to find this, and I think it should be linked in full here because it really is a belter.

Quote from: thraxx on April 24, 2018, 08:27:54 PM
This thread has caused me to look through my memoirs, which is essentially a diary of all the wind ups and scrapes that I have got into in my otherwise boring life.

One of my favorite wheezes to keep myself amused, and wind my horrible violent racist sexist cunt of a father up, was to confection giant turds our of flour, cocoa and water before he got home from work. This went on for about a year and I must have been 14 or 15.

2 or 3 times every week, just before he got back from work, I'd confection and place the turd in front of our house.  My Dad hated dogs and the sight of dogshit slightly more than he hated black and asian people, whom he hated quite a lot, so it became very easy to tell when he had arrived home because the door would slam and the house reverberate the bellows of what he was going to do to that 'fucking SHIT HOUND'.  The turds would get thicker and longer and in the winter I'd stick the turd in the microwave for a minute so it would steam in the cold, giving my Dad the impression that he had just missed the Dog and its owner.

When we moved house to the next town, I waited a month or so and then made a massive turd that was easily 12 inches long outside causing my Dad to have an apoplectic fit of rage that actually scared me; he went off out hunting for the dog and its owner.  At this point we didn't dare admit it was us, but we dearly loved this act of revenge on the horrible cunt of man.

I haven't talked to my father for nearly 20 years because he fucked off with his best friend's wife after ripping of some off of his other mates - my Dad is a builder - bullying my mother to a nervous breakdown and then tried to kick us all out into the street so he could live in the house with her.  But I know for a fact that he still talked about THE FUCKING SHIT HOUND to this day, I just wish I knew where he lived so I could place real turds outside the cunt's house.


buttgammon

Indeed - that's one of the best posts I've read here in ages.

Glebe

QuoteThe turds would get thicker and longer and in the winter I'd stick the turd in the microwave for a minute so it would steam in the cold, giving my Dad the impression that he had just missed the Dog and its owner.

Fantastic.

canadagoose

Quote from: Mark Steels Stockbroker on April 28, 2018, 07:40:10 PM
Quote from: Paulie Walnuts on April 27, 2018, 06:16:45 PM
you think you're in any position to stand in judgement over who should and shouldn't post on this forum?

cretin
Yes.

Nice that you've started signing your posts.

Vodka Margarine


samadriel

Glebe in the Technology "tsbley" thread:
Quote
[tag]James Cameron in incomprehensible outburst.[/tag]
Teehee!

Dex Sawash

Quote from: samadriel on April 29, 2018, 12:23:22 AM
Glebe in the Technology "tsbley" thread: Teehee!

I meant to dig up the "tags" thread to honor that one

Glebe