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March 28, 2024, 01:48:23 PM

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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Neville Chamberlain

Artie Fufkin in the Spooky Podcasts thread:

"Thanks Mr Shit"

magval

Twit 2 in the thread upforum about ComedyUnitInsider's dad pissing on his dog.

Quote from: Twit 2 on March 28, 2019, 06:41:21 AM
Had him sectioned and he died of loneliness and staff rape.

It's not just the juxtaposition of dying from both a conceptual thing and a physical thing but the specific combination of said. Very funny and I can't even tell my colleagues why I'm laughing.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I also laughed at that but not because of clever juxtapositions, because of how funny rape is ie loads

Custard

Huxleys Babkins in the Peter's Mad Thoughts thread:

QuoteDid something similar with a mille feuille last year. Accidentally dropped the fucker out of the box onto the kitchen floor and I stamped it to fucking nothingness in a blind rage. Girlfriend found me slumped up against a cupboard with all custard and pastry up my legs.

Twed


canadagoose



José

Quote from: honeychile on March 30, 2019, 12:02:53 AM
I never suspected my wife was trapped in the toilet for 20 minutes and I just thought you were having work done. I honestly just thought you were having work done. I wasn't hoping my wife was trapped and had every intention of going to check on her at some point but that female customer luckily checked first before I could do it which I was about to. The banging was really loud which normally might have made me think something strange was gong on but I just thought it's a pub so you're having work done. I was glad the female customer rescued my wife, imagine oh imagine if I'd spent the whole night having a few nice drinks by myself while my wife who I love was trapped in the toilet banging away while I can't hear because I thought you were just having work done.

Thanks so much to that female customer I mean it.

marquis_de_sad

This team effort from the "Books you want to/have 'hate read'" thread.

Quote from: All Surrogate on January 26, 2019, 01:26:12 PM
Mein Kampf.  Obviously it's vile, but my curiosity pushed me to read it through.  There's a self-contradictory element that runs through, whereby the german people are simultaneously wonderful and generally stupid and manipulable.  The only other thing that I can recall as remotely interesting in it, is that he felt pity for jewish people when he was a child.

Quote from: the midnight watch baboon on January 26, 2019, 04:58:55 PM
Sounds fun. Who's it by?

Quote from: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on January 26, 2019, 06:00:30 PM
Karl Ove Knausgard

Quote from: madhair60 on April 01, 2019, 11:57:34 AM
Don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Bazooka on March 29, 2019, 11:53:11 PM
Mate the delivery industry in China is like NASA. I can have a dildo((don't want one, don't need one guvner)) or a watermelon delivered to my house in the next hour, if I so chose.

Edit: The dildo shop doesn't open until 10.

The dildo shop opening time floored me.

gib

Quote from: Twit 2 on April 02, 2019, 10:23:06 PM
All of this has reminded me of the following:

When I was a teenager I worked in a chippy and had bought a DVD of a porn from America. This was in early days of internet, you see (dial up modem at home; at school we used to put images from websites that had escaped the filter on a floppy disk when no one was looking). I had even gone to the post office to buy the dollars and sent them by post. The whole thing now seems hilariously analogue and convoluted - even the disc played in black and white due to the region. But with this feature-length grot I was a prince among men at the chippy. I lent it to the boss and went further up in his estimations, I have no doubt. A lad there called Billy was next in line. As he was finishing his day shift, he was asked to stay on and do the evening one too, as they were short. This triggered a weird breakdown in him, whereupon he started ranting about how he'd been looking forward to going home with the DVD and that he had "saved up all his wanks". He got on his moped and began repeatedly driving it into the wall in the alley round the back of the shop, while the manager and I stood at the door laughing.

Sebastian Cobb

From the megadrive thread.
QuoteGet back to games where everything has a smiley face drawn on it to remind you when to have primary colour based fun

Twed

This would never have happened if UK:Resistance was still going.


Twed


Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Glebe on March 27, 2019, 06:37:58 PM
It'd be great if Bruce Willis had a contract that stipulated that Adrien Brody should be in every film he does from now on, and must appear on the poster looking devastated.

Glebe

Heh! Cheers Sebastian... I really wish Willis would get his act together and sort out that Brody contract.

Kelvin

Paul Calf's assessment of Theresa May in the Brexit thread:

Quote from: Paul Calf on April 07, 2019, 08:56:46 PM
She is not only the shittest Prime Minister ever, but perhaps the shittest Prime Minister it's possible to be.

Johnny Yesno


Replies From View's relentless contributions to the going for a haircut tomorrow thread had me in hysterics.  More of this kind of thing please.


Glebe

Quote from: rasta-spouse on April 08, 2019, 05:10:42 PMTrevor Nelson rents a cottage outside of Truro planning to write Britain's longest palindrome. He won't let her inside but Edith Bowman still leaves a Vienetta by the porch every other week.

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Darles Chickens on April 08, 2019, 02:29:45 PM
Replies From View's relentless contributions to the going for a haircut tomorrow thread had me in hysterics.  More of this kind of thing please.

Yes, but which one?

canadagoose

Quote from: Glebe on April 08, 2019, 05:48:50 PM
"Each and every bottle produced has a rich, fine taste. And within each mouthful is a rich, hoppy flavour. Now... what's interesting about that is, the taste buds of the average tongue can enjoy within the region of a thousand different flavours, that's the equivalent of about fifteen million taste-neutrons... it really makes you think, doesn't it?" *looks in smiling wonder at the bottle till end of shot*

I can just imagine him saying that.

Glebe


Beagle 2

I very much enjoyed thecuriousorange's post describing Jerry Lee Lewis as "a man so problematic he got cancelled in the 1950s".

paruses

Beautifully set up by seepage and finished by Buzby. The whole of his post has a certain beauty to it (in a sickening way).

Quote from: seepage on April 09, 2019, 11:21:24 AM
Buzby can correct me, but I think that is some basic slag.

Quote from: buzby on April 09, 2019, 01:46:07 PM
I wouldn't quite go that far, but she has done a shoot for Zoo.

It's actually the unbiodegradable solids retrieved from the sewage in Wessex Water's treatment works, mostly face and baby wipes.

seepage

^ many thanks, but I owe it all to Victor Lewis-Smith.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: paruses on April 09, 2019, 01:50:59 PM
Beautifully set up by seepage and finished by Buzby. The whole of his post has a certain beauty to it (in a sickening way).

Kudos to both, better contributions than I was expecting or deserved for starting the thread. Magnifique.

ArtParrott

Quote from: thecuriousorange on April 08, 2019, 10:11:08 PM
Nobody ever mentions the fact that they're actual first cousins. Making ol' Duke the UK's answer to Jerry Lee Lewis - a man so problematic he got cancelled in the 1950s.

I'm stealing this line for my social media tributes when 'The Killer' finally carks it. Must be any day now, surely.