The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[BlodwynPig]

This thread is getting a bit wormholey.

[touchingcloth]

I might be a dunce but I assumed alan nagsworth was referencing that scene in the first place.

You could well be right. Batty entered my mind when I first read it (then again, it's rarely not entering my mind), which contributed to the GUFFAW I done when I saw wet Batty on the next page.

For those unfamiliar (and WHO EVEN ARE YOU?) this...:

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

...quite nicely becomes this:

I've seen a seagull dragging a half shredded carcass of another faceless bird across Kennington Park.

I've seen two cats shagging whilst a third one watched from firework safety distance, on a little patch of green near the road in my home town.

I've sat on a bench in my then-local nature reserve and heard a fevered group quacking in the bush near me, and when I got on the floor and peeked in, there were two ducks shagging, and about four or five other male ducks surrounding them, seemingly waiting their turn, sorta lightly and anxiously padding about, literally like it was a fucking scene in a gang bang.

It's a story as old as time - a sentient being with superhuman physical strength raging against its manufactured obsolescence. Like pigeons in rain. Time for grave.

[BlodwynPig]

I watched this last Saturday at the newly refurbished Westdale cinema in Hamilton, ON. I cant remember watching it on the big screen before but WOW... reaffirmed its status as one of the best. The seagull dragging that bird carcass...with Vangelis' future-stygian chords playing...unholy wonder!

[alan nagsworth]

I can clarify that I was not referring to Blades Runner or whatever it is. But for the purpose of hogging the limelight I'll pretend I was.

[Ferris]

At the bottom of an argument about Jacko I was skimming

Michael Jackson is literally the only popular artist to go off the boil later in his career and this proves he did it deliberately to abuse children.

[Lordofthefiles]

Why does nobody on the British right have a neck? It's ridiculous. There should not be this much correlation between physical appearance and political alignment.

[Twit 2]

Very disappointed you didn't get to see Gendry's penis going in and out of Arya's cunt. They could have used a stunt cunt if needed.

[Colin Sanction]

Had a massive fall out over a game of snooker with a mate in Dawlish in 1981. Halfway through the holiday, these two teens decided to have one last match because we getting too fractious with each other, We were both bad losers.

We agreed to stick to the strict rules of the game as if we were competing on Pot Black. At the climax of the frame, the score was exactly equal but we were both painfully taking ages to sink the black. One passing guest commented, "The object of the game is to get the balls down the holes, lads." I went to take a long shot to get it in the corner pocket. Click. I dunnit!!!

However, the cueball was slowly following its way toward that pocket too. Two inches before the white descended into the hole of defeat, my mate grabbed the ball and said, "My game, I think." and started to do a little victory dance, spinning his cue like a majorette and goading me, shouting "CHAMPIONO!!!" at the top of his voice.

With quick thinking, I informed him if we were playing by the strict code, the opponent picking up the cueball before it went into the pocket was a foul, so technically, I was the 'championo' and I began to moonwalk around the table loudly humming the theme tune to Jimmy Tarbuck's Winner Takes All.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvr7yGXvCkc

He screamed like Robert Mitchum in Night Of The Hunter and threw his cue, his chalk and various snooker balls at me and we had a scuffle. Didn't speak for the rest of the week. Our friendship was never quite the same after that.

It did mean I could revise more for my mock O Levels though. Every cloud.

Brilliant

[Glebe]

NICK: Welcome to Countdown and it's national divorce day, of all things. Rachel, you divorced your husband for that dancer off Strictly who looks like a Polish joiner didn't you?

RACHEL: That I did, Nick. That I did. He's not a Polish joiner, by the way.

NICK: That doesn't stop him from doing your back doors though, does it? And speaking of ruined arseholes, here's today's contestants.

[pancreas]

that was my favourite too

[the]

That one's shit.

[pancreas]

I'm easily pleased by any image of a severed anus, is the issue.

[touchingcloth]

I'm easily pleased by any image of a severed anus, is the issue.

Just DMd you.

[phantom_power]

You can skim a post, though, or just click the song links at will. It's not the same as being talked at IRL. Writing is cathartic as heck for me, and I'm fairly sure some people might read what I write, or at the very least they get the gist and appreciate the enthusiasm behind it.

Yeah, I don't read all your posts in the music forum, and the ones I do I sometimes skim read but it is a far better place for your presence. If nothing else as you say you can just click the links and then maybe go back and read more if you like what you hear, and I am far more likely to click a link if someone has put forward an impassioned case for the music rather than just a link or some nugatory text that says "I like this"

[Kelvin]

Every post by Machotrouts is brill. I'm not gonna post any though, so you'll just have to take me at my word on this.

[chveik]

Every post by Machotrouts is brill. I'm not gonna post any though, so you'll just have to take me at my word on this.

agreed

[Twed]

You've just reminded of the time my friend and I fell out because he claimed Wario didn't have a moustache.

I was also furious one time when he knew the words to Good King Wenceslas and I didn't.

Also had a fallout with the same friend after a trip to Deep Sea World over an argument about what Gnasher from the Beano's hypothetical favourite fish would be (he said great white shark, I said dogfish).

This has given me an extended low, shoulder-shrugging chuckle that still hasn't stopped.

[Ferris]

Plankton's response in MadHair's "I Actually Quite Like Green Day" thread.

Hi Madhair

Sorry I just got this message, only got back in the office this morning, so I've got loads to catch up on as you can imagine.

I don't think I will have time to deal with this till first thing tomorrow morning,

Would you mind just bullying yourself for the rest of the day? I can come finish you off tomorrow as soon as I get in (8:45)

Sorry about that, we're just totally buried here and have a load of next day delivery stuff to do today, - I had a word with our manager and he said if you did want to just take liking greenday as punishment enough on this one, he's fine in that, we can start again on the next trivial opinion you need your shit re-shoving for next week

Regards

Jdhivsovsohsg

[Lady Agnes]

Actually, I think the police should use Bernie Clifton-style ostrich costumes - all the gravitas and menace of a dangerous animal with none of the ethical concerns.

I had a chuckle at this.

Just the mental picture. Now if I see a policeman or woman on horseback. This is going to spring in there. So when you see the headline. "Woman Arrested for uncontrolled giggle fits. Its me

[idunnosomename]

Fuck this is the guffaw thread, not the horse one. Oh well

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I had a chuckle at this.

Just the mental picture. Now if I see a policeman or woman on horseback. This is going to spring in there. So when you see the headline. "Woman Arrested for uncontrolled giggle fits. Its me

Bit unfair if that's the charge you get arrested on, missus.

[Gregory Torso]

Dead Cross - waited for around 90 minutes before Dave Lombardo and one of the others came out to announce they wouldn't be playing as Mike Patton had fallen off his skateboard.

Cradle of Filth - headlining Bloodstock, got cut short about halfway through because someone slingshotted a giant gobstopper into the guitarist's lower back, causing him to hobble off stage, followed shortly by the others.

Morrissey - in Liverpool, he opened with This Charming Man and then got a cup of water thrown at his head.  "Goodnight", walked off, never came back.  Got a full refund, mind.  Alleviated by the fact that on the commute home, seemingly everyone in Liverpool had already heard about it and were loudly taking the piss.  This lasted about a week.

Just laughing at the thought of these musicians not playing a gig for such utterly pathetic reasons, particularly the image of Cradle Of Filth's guitarist being crippled by a high velocity gobstopper.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Fuck me that cradle of filth gobstopper one

[Lordofthefiles]

This doesn't look good for corvids.

[Gregory Torso]

^ 10/10 comment, the stars aligned

[Ferris]

^ 10/10 comment, the stars aligned

Without wanting to take away from that, it's one that has been made already. I'm pretty sure I've made it in the past but that's a load of unverifiable nonsense. Endicott definitely did tho

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,68445.msg3721062.html#msg3721062

[Captain Z]

I think it first appeared in a thread where thomas saved a blackbird in his garden, or something? Possibly in the tags.

[touchingcloth]

What's the provenance of "this doesn't look good for Corbyn" anyway?

[St_Eddie]

What's the provenance of "this doesn't look good for Corbyn" anyway?

The moment he was born I would have thought.

[Squink]

At the precise moment the nurse was stonily asking me whether I was sixually ektive, I took off one of my boots and this rogue condom wrapper came flying out across her office. The look she gave me was more uncomfortable than any speculum.