The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[a duncandisorderly]

I wish! no it's from the Corbyn thread
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,72226.msg3828562.html#msg3828562

christ, corbyn's really fucked, isn't he?

[Dex Sawash]

billy goat cheese is unique

[imitationleather]

I took part in that bit of the footy thread and I think my posts are amongst the worst I've ever made.

Yeah I didn't notice that evening in the football thread being funny at all. Maybe it's because my blood pressure was through the roof during it. Even though I was mainlining beta-blockers. (Prescribed legitimately, officer.)

The World Cup threads are always peak CaB though, Clive.

[St_Eddie]

billy goat cheese is unique

To be honest, there's not exactly a great deal of competition in the 'billy goat cheese' stakes.

[Jumblegraws]

From the School Dread on Sundays thread:

Obligatory mention for this astoundingly ill-judged horrorshow that looks like it's going to be about a race of paedo aliens attacking Earth's playgrounds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dY3NPCpX3mY&frags=pl%2Cwn

[pancreas]

Don't mean to be crude but [...]

[Gregory Torso]

From the School Dread on Sundays thread:

Ha ha ha that's great.

[Dex Sawash]

Black Mirror 5 thread

A Microsoft Surface becomes leader of Change UK.

[mothman]

Not just the title music (which was potent by itself) but World In Action also had a deadening effect on my soul because, even up to the late 80s, it seemed to be filmed in brine, like the film stock had been found in a puddle out the back of the Thames studios, and they said: 'Give it to the WIA crew. They refused to use video because it doesn't look 70s enough.' It gave me a hugely dispiriting, disconcerting feeling that - even though the events were current - these were dispatches from a beige-and-brown alternative time strand where the 3-day week was still in force and the only place to buy olive oil was a chemists. As such, I've never truly landed on a fully rounded point of view about the Gibraltar Three.

Last line really, as is the parlance du jour, "sticks the landing."

[Twed]

Black Mirror 5 thread

That is really fucking funny.

[a duncandisorderly]

The dog is literally not aware of the cake

The reaction is edited in

(I'm talking about this video specifically, I'm sure others are different but despite what I've just said about tangents I am not prepared to go down the rabbit hole of 'does a dog think a cake that looks like a dog being cut is actually a dog being cut' because the answer is 'you fucking idiot of course not do you understand anything? FFS. The dog isn't even in the same country as the cake most likely, what do you think this is? Dog action at a distance? Are we really discussing quantum doggery now? I HATE YOU')

[jenna appleseed]

Like being beaten to death by an underdone baked potato.

[jenna appleseed]

I forget which of you genius' was responsible for it but every few weeks the Brexit Calypso keeps popping back into my head (with imaginary singing in the style & tune of Came mr tally man tally me banana)

Come Mr. Boris man, <something> bent banana,
Brexit come and future is sold

[sponk]

A very libelous touchingcloth post that I'm scared to repost or directly reference. All I'll say is that it referenced the alleged masturbation habits of a famous daytime TV host who  recently had his show cancelled after the suicide of a guest. I won't get any more specific than that.

[touchingcloth]

A very libelous touchingcloth post that I'm scared to repost or directly reference. All I'll say is that it referenced the alleged masturbation habits of a famous daytime TV host who  recently had his show cancelled after the suicide of a guest. I won't get any more specific than that.

It's not libel if it's true, and it definitely is. It's also not libel if they're dead, and he is inside.

[Ferris]

[some shit I wrote]

FUCKING YESSSS MAN! GET INNN!!!,

[Shaky]

This little beauty from the "That's no way to go" thread. Love the way it almost reads like a real-life tragedy until you go, "Hey, wait a minute...":

There was something in the news earlier about a canning factory worker who fell into the machines off a gantry, but it turns out he was still alive until someone opened the tin and microwaved him. Horrible to think about that frontal lobe just alive and aware in the dark on an Aldi shelf for three weeks. They knew he was still alive because he'd eaten the words "help me Jesus" into one of the beans.

[BlodwynPig]

FUCKING YESSSS MAN! GET INNN!!!,

This is getting like the tit for tit karma system of yore.

[Ferris]

This is getting like the tit for tit karma system of yore.

Don't know what this means, can only assume another mention of me means you were having a good old chuckle at my writing. So I suppose - you are welcome.

[BlodwynPig]

Don't know what this means, can only assume another mention of me means you were having a good old chuckle at my writing. So I suppose - you are welcome.

more of a snort than a chuckle

[Ferris]

more of a snort than a chuckle

I will absolutely take that

[BlodwynPig]

I will absolutely take that

Jay 2-4 down bottom of 8th...2 win in what? 10 games? Nothing to chuckle about

[Glebe]

[Johnny Yesno]

What is the world without her little mysteries? It is right we do not know, curiosity killed the cat. Think we all need to take a long hard look at ourselves, but not too hard, or we might learn something. No, this is all far too much.

Deep.

[Ferris]

Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle on May 16, 2019, 09:32:33 AM
Also the ironic thing here is Cisco recently patched a security vulnerability in some of its network switches that can be exploited to spy on people.

Ooh that patch so scandalous

[idunnosomename]

Yeah, it's all fun and games now, but what if it turns out Tommy Robinson has a dairy allergy and his reaction to an attack is he swells up to the size of a normal person?

Caught off guard. most unsportsmanlike

[phantom_power]

I was just going to post that. Textbook delivery

[Johnny Yesno]

It's one of those that gets funnier the more times it goes round my head.

[Buelligan]

I came here to report that post too.  Excellent, if offensive.

[touchingcloth]

During a staff training day everyone had to do inspiration and motivational shit. I was explicitly told I was not allowed to mark the 150 books I had that needed doing instead despite claiming I was sufficiently motivated to do so and must do something to improve my wellness instead (my suggestion of doing my marking during school time and then going to pub with my actual friend in real life in my own time was poopooed as being far to passe).

So I made a "Heather Small Wall". I took down a corridor display that some kids did about Uruguay and replaced it with my own effort. I printed off a different picture of Heather Small for each member of staff, matched the mood of each picture to what I perceived to the personality different Tekkers and covered the walls with it. I then gave the staff post-it notes and asked them to write down responses to the question "What have you done today to make you feel... proud?"

I was kinda hoping I would get a bollocking as I thought it was a hugely successful pisstake aimed at undermining the spirit of the day and pointing out the complete fucking waste of time it all was and how I basically got paid £150 from taxpayer to do that.

Well you can guess what happened? Staff absolutely loved it and not only covered it in self-congratulation but many of them kept updating their Heather Small throughout the year. Got praise off the head too.

I quit teaching last year after 15 years.