Author Topic: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread  (Read 193041 times)

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1920 on: June 15, 2019, 10:16:42 PM »
In the Oscillations thread about a new Burial EP

Burial can get in grave.

Extra funny because I'm not entirely sure it was intentional.

Morrison Lard

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1921 on: June 16, 2019, 06:05:22 PM »
machotrouts' audience reaction to My Old Man's A Dustman

Scroll up a few posts for the link to the song in question

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1922 on: June 16, 2019, 06:09:57 PM »
some of the opinions in this thread are like acid being thrown in the face of my brain

The face of my brain is a great quote, and I assume it was partly directed at my bollocks in that thread which makes it funnier.

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1923 on: June 16, 2019, 06:15:52 PM »
I assume it was partly directed at my bollocks in that thread which makes it funnier.

What-the hypothetical acid!? 

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1924 on: June 17, 2019, 12:11:01 PM »
I've no idea why but at primary school whenever anyone farted all the other kids were duty bound, along with the usual scrunched up disgusted faces and exaggerated hand wafting, to go "GORRRRRR! CHAS AND DAVE!"

a duncandisorderly

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1925 on: June 17, 2019, 05:32:22 PM »
plenty in this thread, but this one I shall struggle to recover from & start addressing tom j by his proper name again-

Spongebob Squarepusher

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1926 on: June 17, 2019, 11:03:59 PM »
Finally getting back from the chemist's drenched in sweat and realising these aren't your agoraphobia pills

Beautiful!

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1927 on: June 18, 2019, 09:13:46 AM »
how the fuck did I miss this gem?

RONALADO move to cloud first. on premises bare metal dildo is not for today. advance teledildonics mean  OPEX model for all. DaaS is possible in all region with miror site in colon WEST GEMAnY

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1928 on: June 18, 2019, 09:29:50 AM »
^
Yes - never got round to posting that in here. Marvellous.

Ambient Sheep

  • I need a gun, a ski-lift and a dancing chicken.
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1929 on: June 18, 2019, 02:58:24 PM »
4:05pm Cartoon it says in the Radio Times. Brilliant! Oh fuck my life, it's Pepe Le Pew. I mean, at least it isn't one of those Harman-Ising MGM ones from the 1930s with singing bees or a scared mouse cowering from a lightning storm in an old windmill but I'm still not going to pretend this isn't a crushing disappointment.

I can't sleep, CaB.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1930 on: June 18, 2019, 05:37:36 PM »
A double-whammy in the Will Smith thread:

murdered the first aunt viv

His name is Willard. Like the dog from Eastenders.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1931 on: June 18, 2019, 08:31:33 PM »
Who you don't want is second tier Warner Brothers comedy rapist Pepe Le Pew. He's got Vichy collaborationist written all over him. He wouldn't be in the resistance or even one of those zazou types who attempted to defy the Nazis by dancing about to jazz whilst holding their index finger in the air and dressing like a tit. 4:05pm Cartoon it says in the Radio Times. Brilliant! Oh fuck my life, it's Pepe Le Pew. I mean, at least it isn't one of those Harman-Ising MGM ones from the 1930s with singing bees or a scared mouse cowering from a lightning storm in an old windmill but I'm still not going to pretend this isn't a crushing disappointment.

I can't sleep, CaB.

Ambient Sheep

  • I need a gun, a ski-lift and a dancing chicken.
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1932 on: June 18, 2019, 10:43:44 PM »
*blinks*

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1933 on: June 19, 2019, 06:27:29 PM »
yeah, these bloody repeats. I'm tearing up my tv license.

Blue Jam

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1934 on: June 19, 2019, 10:20:02 PM »
No no
No no no no
No no no no
No no
WE WON'T FUCK OFF

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1935 on: June 19, 2019, 10:39:00 PM »
Who you don't want is second tier Warner Brothers comedy rapist Pepe Le Pew. He's got Vichy collaborationist written all over him. He wouldn't be in the resistance or even one of those zazou types who attempted to defy the Nazis by dancing about to jazz whilst holding their index finger in the air and dressing like a tit. 4:05pm Cartoon it says in the Radio Times. Brilliant! Oh fuck my life, it's Pepe Le Pew. I mean, at least it isn't one of those Harman-Ising MGM ones from the 1930s with singing bees or a scared mouse cowering from a lightning storm in an old windmill but I'm still not going to pretend this isn't a crushing disappointment.

I can't sleep, CaB.

zomgmouse

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1936 on: June 20, 2019, 07:04:57 AM »
I'm enjoying all of Monsieur Verdoux's "forum debate guy" but this in particular made me boom:

George Orwell, author of my favourite book, 1984. It's a book about how people should be allowed to use racial slurs without being fired from the media

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1937 on: June 20, 2019, 09:41:08 AM »
Graham Linehan doesn't go on Twitter to make himself happy. You think he's doing this for his own personal gratification? Every time he logs off a transwoman wins a sprint. You're happy to let that happen? ARE YOU? @jonronson @realmattlucas this is the sort of person you're standing with

:-D

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1938 on: June 20, 2019, 09:41:56 AM »
The last two posts by Gregory Torso.
Just assume that every post yer man Torso makes will be nominated for 'ere by me.

Howj Begg

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1939 on: June 20, 2019, 11:46:16 AM »
Did a fair bit of this as a kid, one of the few things me and my dad ever bonded over. It's also one of the few presents I can ever remember him buying for me, a little beekeeping veil which he had made. It's mad thinking back now. We'd get our gloves on and a couple of layers, put on the suit and veil. One of the only times I really felt connected to him but maybe it was that I was too young to know yet what he was really like. We'd go out and we each had a smoker and we'd both be smoking the hive and when the bees were calmed and sleepy, we poured boiling water on them.

Bosto's lies are very entertaining.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1940 on: June 20, 2019, 12:37:09 PM »
Knock knock
Who dare?
Christmas
Christmas who?
*erect penis appears through lettebox - pisses blood*

ZoyzaSorris

  • if you can smell me it's too late
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1941 on: June 20, 2019, 12:52:24 PM »
The last two posts by Gregory Torso.
Just assume that every post yer man Torso makes will be nominated for 'ere by me.

Likewise. Guy makes me a bit sick to be honest. The shit.

Dex Sawash

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1942 on: June 20, 2019, 01:51:27 PM »
The last two posts by Gregory Torso.
Just assume that every post yer man Torso makes will be nominated for 'ere by me.

This one had me a little panicked

I’m never posting again, good night

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1943 on: June 21, 2019, 12:58:25 AM »
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Poor people.
Poor people who?
Poor people who own a flat screen TV and a mobile phone and are therefore not deserving of pity.

Paul Calf

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1944 on: June 21, 2019, 11:51:40 AM »
The Talk To Transformer thread has a few gems, but this is fucking gold:

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,73816.msg3872296.html#msg3872296

Quote
PJW Tuts at a woman in a niqab and really hopes she heard it.
PJW Fundamentally misunderstands the core-concept of an Empire.
PJW Hides his penis from the Xbox One camera.
PJW Cheers himself up by having a big wank to the last 15 minutes of Taxi Driver.

PJW Hides his penis at the last minute, but then decides to watch The X-Men, despite not having been at a film screening.
PJW Plays the same old games, but with the latest Xbox One system (Eagle Dynamics S4).
PJW Hides the Xbox One system in his closet. This time he has to stand in his closet and pretend to hide.
PJW Wants to see Batman (because he got the movie but doesn't realize anyone saw his game).
PJW Wants to get a girlfriend over to his apartment. However, the girls are too busy making a joke about him not saying, 'I Love You' to respond.
PJW Shaves his dick at his computer (because it looks too nice, but the girls are too busy laughing at his butt, and it'll probably be seen by two people).
PJW Mocks the female audience members as they watch him masturbate.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1945 on: June 21, 2019, 01:13:23 PM »
Another one from that thread, the final word in satire:

Huw Edwards pisses himself laughing on stage. Sir Gerald Johnson pisses himself laughing on stage. Sir Edward Heath pisses himself laughing on stage. Jimmy Savile pisses himself laughing on stage. Peter Oborne pisses himself laughing on stage. Tony Blair pisses himself laughing on stage. Nigel Lawson pisses himself laughing on stage. David Cameron pisses himself laughing on stage. George Galloway pisses himself laughing on stage. Jeremy Corbyn peees himself laughing on stage. Paul Flowers walks out on stage and says "fuck off". Then the people leave the auditorium.

Now you notice we don't mention that most of the performers that take part in such pranks aren't actually comedians. These are rather old guys in full black coats. Like this man, he's not from the 90s. Like this man's father. Like this guy's dad. Like this man's wife. Like this guy.

But this is the point I'm trying to make. What we are missing is a common thread: a sort of cultural understanding of how humour works.

For me personally, it's almost as if I'm getting my education in an unenlightened world in which I've never heard the phrase "fuck off”

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1946 on: June 21, 2019, 01:24:20 PM »
the neural network has let itself go.

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1947 on: June 21, 2019, 02:44:01 PM »
Only just stumbled across Access Day Dad, my favourite:

"What's this in glove compartment, dad?"

"The Best of Roxy Music."

"No, I mean what is the actual physical thing itself?"

"It's a cassette, son."

"I may be your biological son, but there's no love there."

"Burger King?"

Flouncer

  • See ya on the other side, ya goddamn cracker ass!
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1948 on: June 21, 2019, 03:43:59 PM »
I really enjoyed this.

To go back to Prescott, that incident resulted in the greatest text that I ever recieved. I was in the pub and a friend, who did all his texts in capital letters for some reason, simply texted me: "PRESCOTT'S SMACKED SUM1".

In the days befiore we had internet on our phones we were able to speculate at length as to what this could mean. John Prescott, it had to be John Prescott. And he's, "SMACKED" somebody? As in, politically? He's dealt out a beating at the despatch box? Or maybe this was actual violence, an unsavoury incident from his past catching up with him perhaps. He struck us as a man who had been around the block a bit, I could see him in some godforsaken 1970s boozer in a blur of flying ale, tabs and fists, spittiing words like "scab" and "shit'ouse".  The brevity of the terminology indicated that it was something that had been bashed out in a hurry - breaking, important news, and it didn't sound good for PRESCOTT at all. We were still in the honeymoon years for New Labour, so a scandal like that was something that the right wing press would leap upon - but then, wouldn't this simply add a bit of street cred to ol' Two Jags? William Hague's dark past was being a sickening little weirdo goat-voiced Tory foetus - he was certainly no Ross Kemp - and people absolutely love Ross Kemp. Maybe John Prescott was Ross Kemp? If so, this was great news for Britain.

The fact it was in capital letters really added to the impact of the message, the sort of impact that the fist of PRESCOTT might make on the quivering jaw of love rival. Yes, maybe this was it, a brawl over a disputed sweetheart. The drama and romance of that would surely secure another twenty years of Blairism, which as we all know was just the best. Soon, the phrase was on the lips of everybody in the pub: PRESCOTT'S SMACKED SUM1 pass it on, PRESCOTT'S what, he's SMACKED SUM1, who why what, I dunno nobody knows all we know is he's SMACKED SUM1, what the man john prescott, gotta be hasn't it, has he fuck SMACKED SUM1, he has I bet he has he's fucking SMACKED SUM1. Bets were placed.

In the end we decided it was unlikely that John Prescott had smacked anybody, and the whole thing had probably been a fuss over nothing. A stolen phone, he was pulling our leg, he was drugging, there were many more plausible explanations. What a load of fuss over nothing.

When I got home I turned on the news and John Prescott had literally SMACKED SUM1.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #1949 on: June 21, 2019, 04:14:09 PM »
what have this crab done? is not fair that just a crab get a statue. how many gol does it scores? stateu must have a special menaing