Author Topic: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread  (Read 227040 times)

Ambient Sheep

  • I can't even get my Xmas lights to work any more
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2370 on: August 12, 2019, 07:52:54 PM »

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2371 on: August 12, 2019, 08:32:35 PM »
Pretty much every sentence in Gregory Torso's OP for his 'Erotic Fiction' thread had me in bits this morning.

It's one of the finest things I've ever read.

Ambient Sheep

  • I can't even get my Xmas lights to work any more
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2372 on: August 13, 2019, 02:32:54 PM »
I clicked to download one of the FLAC recordings of the unreleased series 4 of Blue Jam last night. Nothing happened. Woke up this morning and the postman is sticking a load of Mrs. Brown's Boys Live DVD cases filled with rancid sausage meat through my letter box.

Is this expected behaviour?

Tears running down my face.  Think it's the "rancid sausage meat" that did it.

Twit 2

  • Unutterable Anguish
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2373 on: August 14, 2019, 07:45:34 PM »
Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2374 on: August 14, 2019, 08:18:52 PM »
That's amazing.

Birdie

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2375 on: August 14, 2019, 08:28:13 PM »
Why thank you. I was editing while you were quoting so it’s a bit different now, but the jist remains.

Well, clean it up then, you dirty animal.

Oh, jist.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2376 on: August 14, 2019, 09:45:45 PM »
Quote
Why’s your dad cunt piss fish wank?

After the long run of questions this almost abstract one at the end was very funny.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2377 on: August 14, 2019, 10:22:43 PM »
What if there's a data leak? All local witches will know where your children are sitting.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2378 on: August 15, 2019, 09:47:41 AM »
Proper belly laugh from this:

I heard that all episodes of Desmond's were going to be re-edited to pixellate any cutlery.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2379 on: August 16, 2019, 11:28:38 AM »
nagsworth's epstein prison cell edit, particularly 'window overlooking claire's accessories'

buzby

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2380 on: August 16, 2019, 09:41:16 PM »
nagsworth's epstein prison cell edit, particularly 'window overlooking claire's accessories'
Ditto, had me creased over trying not to laugh in work.

Twit 2

  • Unutterable Anguish
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2381 on: August 16, 2019, 10:33:11 PM »
.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2382 on: August 16, 2019, 11:44:42 PM »
Why do they all look like furry versions of the dad from The Wild Thornberries?

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2383 on: August 17, 2019, 02:15:08 AM »
Quote
I heard that all episodes of Desmond's were going to be re-edited to pixellate any cutlery.

I don't get it.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2384 on: August 17, 2019, 04:06:56 AM »
Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."


touchingcloth

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2386 on: August 17, 2019, 10:10:53 AM »
https://twitter.com/ukhomeoffice/status/1161629920856084481?s=19

Not racist, obvs.

Racist? My main thought is “who eats fried chicken with a knife?”

H-O-W-L

  • Front Toward Enemy
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2387 on: August 17, 2019, 02:49:33 PM »
Reckon you could mechanize a tarring and feathering, and then hang them from a gibbet in the town center. That's all my fucking council tax money, I'd splutter, all my hard-earned money spent on giving you a place to shit and then you come along and shit in it, serves you right you horrible bastard. Maybe a wrought-iron sculpture of a skeletal hand could hold aloft a jug of their offending shit. Love it to be a little boy on his holiday, he's from bradford maybe, or tower hamlets, and I get to yank him out from under the stall by his legs and smother him with my brick-red old man gut.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2388 on: August 17, 2019, 03:49:47 PM »
Also laughed at some of that

jenna appleseed

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2389 on: August 18, 2019, 10:17:49 PM »
Pijlstaart again - starts off like a totally normal post about signing up to Labour & ends "If you cross me, know this: I shall cling to your leg and let forth a mighty shriek!"

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,74415.msg3921715.html#msg3921715

Johnny Yesno

  • Injecting the rivers with stainless steel fish
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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2390 on: August 20, 2019, 09:06:05 PM »
It seems to me he lived his life like a turbine in the wind.

All that laughing isn't helping me stay carbon neutral, Z.

ZoyzaSorris

  • Brimming with innards
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2391 on: August 20, 2019, 11:04:21 PM »


Whole thread made me chuckle. Good work all involved.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2392 on: August 22, 2019, 02:42:55 PM »
Sometimes I get pissed and order 40 chicken nuggets and then wake up in the morning and throw up.

Bye

Twit 2

  • Unutterable Anguish
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2393 on: August 22, 2019, 02:57:07 PM »
Two raw chicken breasts glistening in the sun like lungs, gathering grit on the pavement. You can't stop thinking about how they would feel if you gathered them up and stuffed them into your mouth. The weft of yielding muscle under your toothy pegs; tiny shards of stones pricking deliciously into your inflamed gums. But there are people around who would see that, and they would judge if you knelt to the filthy ground and gorged yourself on uncooked, gravel-studded meat.
Chicken jelly, raw chicken jelly, running, sluicing through the tangles of your amateur beard. Slivers of base poultry, pink and wet, marinaded in vodka and served on a bathroom floor. Look around you. This world is an unsympathetic arena for the unveiling of a man's dreams. Your neighbours hate you and wank at you from behind pink cashmere drapes. Your kids are growing up in the catchment area of a paedophile's daydreams. Your wife is talking about transferring her bellyfat into the dog to make it look "chonk" as she frigs herself with a bottle of zinfandel in front of the video for Ginuwine's "Pony", all while you are diminishing, DISINTERGRATING, becoming nothing, incrementally and excrementally, dust, mites, lice, your heart a packaged nugget of death soaking in blood cordial, counting down until its last apologetic tick and then off you fuck. Everything you dream of doing is dead before it even comes tumbling out of the pathetic charred chrysalis of your brain. Nothing will ever come true.
EAT RAW MEAT.
IT IS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IN THIS WORLD.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2394 on: August 22, 2019, 04:04:42 PM »
'Neo' it an anagram of 'One'.

I wish they'd had a scene before Neo where Morpheous was testing Brian Eno.

ZoyzaSorris

  • Brimming with innards
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2395 on: August 22, 2019, 04:31:24 PM »
Fucking hell, G. Torso is a beast.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2396 on: August 22, 2019, 05:05:29 PM »
The best thing about the dr_christian_troy one madhair quoted above:

Sometimes I get pissed and order 40 chicken nuggets and then wake up in the morning and throw up.

Bye

is that it sounds like he rung somebody up on an old-style phone and put the receiver down right after the "bye". Entire phone call, just that.

Twit 2

  • Unutterable Anguish
Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2397 on: August 22, 2019, 05:40:14 PM »
I’m gonna be phoning the Samaritans later, could try it out.

Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2398 on: August 22, 2019, 05:47:20 PM »
incrementally and excrementally

Breathtaking. What a poet.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread
« Reply #2399 on: August 22, 2019, 06:07:32 PM »
I thought Torso just got that from the Talk to Transformer thing.