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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Cuellar

Quote from: non capisco on August 12, 2019, 02:35:43 PM
Pretty much every sentence in Gregory Torso's OP for his 'Erotic Fiction' thread had me in bits this morning.

It's one of the finest things I've ever read.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on August 13, 2019, 11:22:41 AM
I clicked to download one of the FLAC recordings of the unreleased series 4 of Blue Jam last night. Nothing happened. Woke up this morning and the postman is sticking a load of Mrs. Brown's Boys Live DVD cases filled with rancid sausage meat through my letter box.

Is this expected behaviour?

Tears running down my face.  Think it's the "rancid sausage meat" that did it.

Twit 2

Quote from: non capisco on August 14, 2019, 12:07:08 AM
Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."


Birdie

Quote from: Twit 2 on August 03, 2019, 02:45:09 PM
Why thank you. I was editing while you were quoting so it's a bit different now, but the jist remains.

Well, clean it up then, you dirty animal.

Oh, jist.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteWhy's your dad cunt piss fish wank?

After the long run of questions this almost abstract one at the end was very funny.

SteveDave

Quote from: Twed on August 14, 2019, 08:44:57 PM
What if there's a data leak? All local witches will know where your children are sitting.

Proper belly laugh from this:

Quote from: imitationleather on August 15, 2019, 01:42:54 AM
I heard that all episodes of Desmond's were going to be re-edited to pixellate any cutlery.

willy crossit

nagsworth's epstein prison cell edit, particularly 'window overlooking claire's accessories'

buzby

Quote from: willy crossit on August 16, 2019, 11:28:38 AM
nagsworth's epstein prison cell edit, particularly 'window overlooking claire's accessories'
Ditto, had me creased over trying not to laugh in work.



QuoteI heard that all episodes of Desmond's were going to be re-edited to pixellate any cutlery.

I don't get it.

The Bumlord

Quote from: non capisco on August 14, 2019, 12:07:08 AM
Just walked in on your dad knocking one out to a drawing he'd done on a post-it note of Minnie Mouse with a speech bubble saying "FUCK ME, GRAHAM."



H-O-W-L

Quote from: Pijlstaart on August 17, 2019, 10:21:02 AM
Reckon you could mechanize a tarring and feathering, and then hang them from a gibbet in the town center. That's all my fucking council tax money, I'd splutter, all my hard-earned money spent on giving you a place to shit and then you come along and shit in it, serves you right you horrible bastard. Maybe a wrought-iron sculpture of a skeletal hand could hold aloft a jug of their offending shit. Love it to be a little boy on his holiday, he's from bradford maybe, or tower hamlets, and I get to yank him out from under the stall by his legs and smother him with my brick-red old man gut.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


jenna appleseed

Pijlstaart again - starts off like a totally normal post about signing up to Labour & ends "If you cross me, know this: I shall cling to your leg and let forth a mighty shriek!"

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,74415.msg3921715.html#msg3921715

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: Captain Z on August 20, 2019, 07:56:54 PM
It seems to me he lived his life like a turbine in the wind.

All that laughing isn't helping me stay carbon neutral, Z.

ZoyzaSorris


madhair60

Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 22, 2019, 02:07:10 PM
Sometimes I get pissed and order 40 chicken nuggets and then wake up in the morning and throw up.

Bye

Twit 2

Quote from: Gregory Torso on August 22, 2019, 02:42:34 PM
Two raw chicken breasts glistening in the sun like lungs, gathering grit on the pavement. You can't stop thinking about how they would feel if you gathered them up and stuffed them into your mouth. The weft of yielding muscle under your toothy pegs; tiny shards of stones pricking deliciously into your inflamed gums. But there are people around who would see that, and they would judge if you knelt to the filthy ground and gorged yourself on uncooked, gravel-studded meat.
Chicken jelly, raw chicken jelly, running, sluicing through the tangles of your amateur beard. Slivers of base poultry, pink and wet, marinaded in vodka and served on a bathroom floor. Look around you. This world is an unsympathetic arena for the unveiling of a man's dreams. Your neighbours hate you and wank at you from behind pink cashmere drapes. Your kids are growing up in the catchment area of a paedophile's daydreams. Your wife is talking about transferring her bellyfat into the dog to make it look "chonk" as she frigs herself with a bottle of zinfandel in front of the video for Ginuwine's "Pony", all while you are diminishing, DISINTERGRATING, becoming nothing, incrementally and excrementally, dust, mites, lice, your heart a packaged nugget of death soaking in blood cordial, counting down until its last apologetic tick and then off you fuck. Everything you dream of doing is dead before it even comes tumbling out of the pathetic charred chrysalis of your brain. Nothing will ever come true.
EAT RAW MEAT.
IT IS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IN THIS WORLD.

Captain Z

Quote from: Gulftastic on August 21, 2019, 08:08:42 PM
'Neo' it an anagram of 'One'.

I wish they'd had a scene before Neo where Morpheous was testing Brian Eno.

ZoyzaSorris


Twed

The best thing about the dr_christian_troy one madhair quoted above:

Quote from: dr_christian_troy on August 22, 2019, 02:07:10 PM
Sometimes I get pissed and order 40 chicken nuggets and then wake up in the morning and throw up.

Bye

is that it sounds like he rung somebody up on an old-style phone and put the receiver down right after the "bye". Entire phone call, just that.

Twit 2

I'm gonna be phoning the Samaritans later, could try it out.


Elderly Sumo Prophecy

I thought Torso just got that from the Talk to Transformer thing.