Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 11:42:31 AM

Login with username, password and session length

The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

touchingcloth

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on August 23, 2019, 12:30:40 AM
Is it a motorbike made of cum?

Quote from: pancreas on August 23, 2019, 12:36:42 AM
Sure, but how would it operate? What would it run on? You would need to put human ova in the fuel tank, probably.

Are you out of your mind? Sure our chum Mr Yesno needs to pull the sticks out of his arse, but have you thought about what you're suggesting? Things MADE OF CUM don't need ova to function, do they now? If human males' balls were filled with human females' ova, a) there would be no need for human females*, b) one wonders where the ova would come** from, and c) their balls would get pregnant instantly and constantly.

FUCKING THINK, MAN.



*Which would be bad, because when they're not redecorating your home from the cellar to the dome they can be quite, quite fine.

**Tee hee.

pancreas


touchingcloth

Only really because I know it would send Johnathan Yes & No into an apoplectic rage, I've been hugely enjoying the endless variants of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee people have been spawning in "That's All I Got", which is to my mind the H.S. Art of H.S. Art.

Ferris

Quote from: touchingcloth on August 23, 2019, 12:51:11 AM
Only really because I know it would send Johnathan Yes & No into an apoplectic rage, I've been hugely enjoying the endless variants of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee people have been spawning in "That's All I Got", which is to my mind the H.S. Art of H.S. Art.

Cuellar had one in there that really made me laugh

Dex Sawash


touchingcloth


Ferris

Quote from: touchingcloth on August 23, 2019, 01:13:07 AM
So you keep saying.

It was a callback. Wanted to credit Cuellar but couldn't actually be arsed going and finding whatever it was that made me laugh in the first place.

touchingcloth

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on August 23, 2019, 02:10:35 AM
It was a callback. Wanted to credit Cuellar but couldn't actually be arsed going and finding whatever it was that made me laugh in the first place.
Quote from: touchingcloth on August 23, 2019, 01:13:07 AM
So you keep saying.

Ferris

I don't understand what point is being made, so here's an artist's impression of a woolly mammoth.



That is all I will say at this time. I consider the matter closed.

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: touchingcloth on August 23, 2019, 12:51:11 AM
Only really because I know it would send Johnathan Yes & No into an apoplectic rage

It's not me that's angry. All I said was that I thought that Gregory Torso's chicken breasts post was great and, that contrary to what Elderly Sumo Prophecy thought, it was superior to anything Talk to Transformer could produce.

I also thought it was worth pointing out that this praise was from someone who has standards. I can't see what the problem is with that.

Twit 2

By 'standards' I assume you mean 'the comedic equivalent of being tone deaf'.

Johnny Yesno

It's difficult to explain what I mean by 'standards' but I guess what I'm trying to say is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EmWyw0KLJk

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuoteTwo raw chicken breasts glistening in the sun like lungs, gathering grit on the pavement. You can't stop thinking about how they would feel if you gathered them up and stuffed them into your mouth. The weft of yielding muscle under your toothy pegs; tiny shards of stones pricking deliciously into your inflamed gums. But there are people around who would see that, and they would judge if you knelt to the filthy ground and gorged yourself on uncooked, gravel-studded meat.
Chicken jelly, raw chicken jelly, running, sluicing through the tangles of your amateur beard. Slivers of base poultry, pink and wet, marinaded in vodka and served on a bathroom floor. Look around you. This world is an unsympathetic arena for the unveiling of a man's dreams. Your neighbours hate you and wank at you from behind pink cashmere drapes. Your kids are growing up in the catchment area of a paedophile's daydreams. Your wife is talking about transferring her bellyfat into the dog to make it look "chonk" as she frigs herself with a bottle of zinfandel in front of the video for Ginuwine's "Pony", all while you are diminishing, DISINTERGRATING, becoming nothing, incrementally and excrementally, dust, mites, lice, your heart a packaged nugget of death soaking in blood cordial, counting down until its last apologetic tick and then off you fuck. Everything you dream of doing is dead before it even comes tumbling out of the pathetic charred chrysalis of your brain. Nothing will ever come true.
EAT RAW MEAT.
IT IS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IN THIS WORLD.

I laughed

Replies From View

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on August 23, 2019, 07:30:40 AM
it was superior to anything Talk to Transformer could produce.

Of course it is, though.  I hate that algorithm thing for making people presume that great swathes of creative writing on this forum might have been created by AI.

Talk to Transformer has no soul to it.  And if someone really can't tell the difference between what it generates and the efforts of people on HS Art then I'd say the problem lies with the reader. 

Norton Canes

Quote from: Inspector Norse on August 23, 2019, 08:28:26 AM
What England will do: come out waving their bats around like party-attending children with plastic pirate swords and get twunted for 12


the

From the 'That's all I got' containment facility:

Quote from: petrilTanaka on August 23, 2019, 07:00:09 PMMax And Paddy's Road To Nowhere but they actually do have to pay Council Tax

Cuellar


Quote from: bgmnts on August 24, 2019, 10:29:32 AM
I'd rather my kid was a pornstar than lusting after someone half their age constantly on an internet forum.

Ferris


grassbath

RFV in the sleepwalking thread:

QuoteIn court Brian Thomas stood up, yelled "SMARTIES MAKE ME NAUGHTY," and returned to his seat.  Everyone was moved to tears by this and the jury consequently relayed a verdict of not-guilty.

A relief laugh after the horror of the article I think.

Fishfinger

Quote from: paruses on August 23, 2019, 05:12:52 PM
Everything in this thread so far:

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,74802.msg0.html

Turned my afternoon around. Thank you.

Still delivering. Sometimes the shortest threads are the best.

sprocket




Bizarro Mark Bosnich

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on August 23, 2019, 07:30:40 AMI also thought it was worth pointing out that this praise was from someone who has standards.

As I recall, that same someone once claimed Kate Bush could never hold a candle to Meredith Monk (of all the shite counterexamples), so that's doubtful.

the

From the Jeremy Deller rave documentary thread (referencing something said within the film):

Quote from: Captain Z on August 27, 2019, 10:31:23 PM

Peter, you've lost the nightclub!

José

Quote from: goldentonywhy do they pull out these fucking made up bronze age words for shite like this guarantee if someone just saif SUSPENSON OF GOVRNMENT instead of fucking SEPULTURA nobody would notice

🤘

darby o chill

Dark Sky from December 2007 in the Urban Myths thread

QuoteI used to like that urban legend about the girl who sat in an exam, carefully sharpened two pencils, inserted them point first up her nose, then banged her head down on the table, causing the pencils to burst her brain.  Hurray for brain bursting!

QDRPHNC