The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[Pseudopath]

     

Probably doesn't make an iota of sense unless you watch the video the thread is about, but that's a belter of a response from the.

[touchingcloth]

Probably doesn't make an iota of sense unless you watch the video the thread is about, but that's a belter of a response from the.

Like if your still watching that "E" get written in 2019!

[a duncandisorderly]

There's an independent store near me which is large and sells a bit of everything: clothes, car accessories, plumbing and electrical bits, plant pots, luggage, stationery - you get the picture.

How does a store like that manage its procurement? Do they decide that they what everything in that list and more and then go out looking for suppliers, or is there some wholesaler out there selling an even wider variety of guff that shops just select what they want from?

Suppliers come to you. Bloke came in the other day doing boxes of 50 lighters for £2.50 so i had some of that.

Nah, there must be more to it than that - this place is massive, so they'd need to be approached by hundreds of suppliers to fill the place.

You can't be suggesting that once upon a time they owned a small store with a reduced range of product and over time and a series of premises expanded the range of what they sold.

just drop it, you couldn't handle the truth

[Twed]

I love it when something is just tonally perfect.

[madhair60]

I hope you die.

[holyzombiejesus]

Made me 'ooof' in admiration rather than guffaw but this response to Glebe vomiting after eating a Caesar salad was top notch.

Ate two. Brutal.

[Glebe]

^And as I confirmed in a subsequent post, I actually did eat nearly two bags and all!

[BlodwynPig]

^And as I confirmed in a subsequent post, I actually did eat nearly two bags and all!

No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected

[Johnny Yesno]

Made me 'ooof' in admiration rather than guffaw but this response to Glebe vomiting after eating a Caesar salad was top notch.

Haha, kudos due.

[jenna appleseed]

Huxleys Babkins in the MATTER OF FACT FOOLSTY TOWERS CATERING THING thread.

[jenna appleseed]

plus the disscusion on Terminator arses in in the banned sweary pub thread

[jenna appleseed]

look helen. im tweeting like a normal person! retweet this. bit of trump. haha thats funny RT that. what a pretty painting. ah OH MY GOD. YOU'RE NOT A LESBIAN! A MAN! A MAN I TELL YOU!!

THE WOKE STASI! THEY'RE HERE! THEY LOCK ME IN THE CELLAR AND FEED ME PINS

WHATS FOR TEA MOTHER? CHILDREN'S COCKS ON TOAST!??!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Quote from: Captain Z on Today at 08:23:09 PM

    I got 'The Best Of Peter Kay', 'Ministry of Sound pres. Now That's What I Call Fitness 2008' and a slightly discoloured Game Boy Advance for just £105.

[the]

From Pretentious food:

Yeah like "mayonnaise"... ooh la la, you fancy fucks, just call it eggy oil like the rest of us

[Cuellar]

This post

The radio edit of A.D.I.D.A.S. by Korn is a thing of beauty, they use vocal scratches to get rid of the swearing, it's basically Rolf Harris doing nu-metal.

Coupled with listening to the song in question.

[Ambient Sheep]

Just came here to post something else from that same thread:

Easy Like Sunday Morning
At 2.48 or so, [I have decided] someone tries to kidnap Lionel, who spends the rest of the guitar solo fighting off his assailant, before returning to the mic just in time to continue.

Listened to it from about 2:30 onwards... tears of laughter still running down my cheeks.

[Twed]

Makes me think about the bit in Monkey Island where you steal the idol.

[gib]

Just about everything in the Ken M thread that recently got referenced by solidified gruel merchant in the trolling/teasing thread.

[beanheadmcginty]

There's a woman at work called Rosa Rooney and I cannot help but read her name in Barry Homeowner's voice whenever she emails me.

[gilbertharding]

If you want an easy method to browse CaB Gold just go to the post history section of my profile.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Predictable, but it's a Pijlstaart.

Nothing wrong with humidity, we meld together in one rich soup. Intimacy, how else will we bridge our great societal divides? Humidity. Sustainer of life, love nothing more exhilarating than the fat wet squelch of a water-logged floorboard disintegrating underneath me, little geysers bubbling up between my moss-encrusted toes. We will all die one day, and I wish to be preyed upon by fungi. Patatje papaji is forever emptying his dehumidifier, straight down the plughole, a waste, and he pays sewage fees on that. It is our tulpenmanie, and when our descendants look back on us from their sun-bleached wasteland, fighting over precious jugs of life-giving piss, they'll be scratching their heads at our folly.

[madhair60]

divide the country into 4 bits. 1 bit is a big farm, this is where we get food for the country. 2nd bit is houses i guess, this is where people live. 3rd bit is maybe theme parks and cinemas? just for fun. 4th bit i suppose is something of a wildcard in that i have no particular plans for it and I'll just wait and see what happens there but if i don't like what happens i'm allowed to go in and kill everyone with a modified gatling gun. in fact i can do that anywhere in the country at any time. over time i will ultimately kill everyone and then move back to bristol.

[Cardenio I]

Palm oil? Oil?? From palms???

[madhair60]

Dear Virgin customer,

We were gutted to hear that you were racially abused on one of our trains. Like, seriously miffed.

The police have dealt with the man in question. From now on the only 'race' he'll be complaining about is the one for the last seat in economy class!

Etc...

[BlodwynPig]

Imitation leather, lower than car driving rats in the eyes of his lovely and patient girlfriend - probably even his cats.

[sponk]

Spent a couple of days reading the dating threads and this post made me laugh about 12 times but I'll only post it once.

REASONS I LEFT-SWIPED YOU ON TINDER:

- "sane and sorted"

- "professional", "ambitious", "career-driven", and any other euphemisms for "Tory"

- "straight-acting", unless they literally just mean they have a wife they're cheating on. Then that's fine

- "Hoping to leave the single market before the UK does!"

- Zodiac sign. This helpfully prevents me from matching with anyone either too old OR too young for me

- Pictured holding a hunting rifle. I've seen enough of this that I now have an intuitive revulsion to pictures of smiling blonde white men wearing tweed in a field. Even if I can't find a gun in the photo, the seed of suspicion has been planted

- Pictured holding a dead animal. This absolutely includes fish, so Bob Mortimer can get to fuck and all. No I mean the bad kind of "get to fuck"

- Pictured stroking a sedated tiger. Same problem as group pics – so many times I think I'm FINALLY going to get to fuck a sedated tiger, and it turns out I've just matched with the fucking human

- Riding a horse or elephant. Haven't analysed this yet. Do horses and elephants mind being ridden, I don't know. Just don't like it

- Really low-quality JPEGs. I don't know how but it does make them right-wing

- Every photo has a Snapchat filter

- Complaining about Snapchat filters. Yes we all hate the dog tongue filter, you don't need to wank on about it. It's like saying "ooh I hate massive internal bleeding", it's just a given, shut up old man

- Anything exclusionary even if it isn't an obviously problematic exclusion to make, like, "intelligent and funny people to the front!", "people who aren't serial killers are my weakness!" etc. Swipe me left yourself, lazy

- "Please be able to hold a conversation." This is dating bio code for "I'm too arrogant to accept that I won't be able to build a natural rapport with everyone, and will attribute the blame for any lack of connection entirely to you"

- Only pictured wearing a suit. This isn't LinkedIn bitch. I'm talking about men so it's okay for me to say bitch

- Every photo is taken so close it only gets a small section of their face and you have to mentally jigsaw together what they look like from several photos. This includes people whose pictures are cropped so severely they only include an eye, half a nose, and the corner of their mouth. What am I supposed to do with your 1:20 aspect ratio ass

- I don't want to include petty physical stuff like "bald" here, even though it's true, but I do want to note that I'm not fooled by men whose pictures are all of them wearing a hat. Sorry CaB

- All pictures are taken at parties or other exciting activities. Some of these people have something like "swipe left if all your profile pics are selfies" in their bio, which just seems to be a coded way of saying "social rejects begone". Sorry that nobody photographs me but me? Get less of a life

- Confuses skydiving for a personality

- Black and white photos. This isn't the 1830s bitch. Again I am allowed to say that

- Myers–Briggs Type. Your type is "NERD" bitch. See above

- Harry Potter house. See above

- No age listed. You can get away with that on Grindr or whatever, but that outs you as a paying Tinder Gold user. You're paying money to withhold basic biographical information from me. These are the sorts of men who will one day pay a darkweb hitman to kill you

- Sam Smith as Spotify Anthem. Restraining order vibes

- Anything about "positive vibes". 100% domestic abuser

- "Be passionate! I love passionate people! Doesn't matter what they're passionate about! Just love the passion! Cold dead joyless husks can FUCK off! No reprieve from your desolate loveless existence HERE, bitch!"

- Making lists of reasons you would left-swipe someone on Tinder. Get a grip

[selectivememory]

This post from the Ricky Gervais in Scooby-Doo thread:

Real tearjerker of an ending to the Scooby-Doo franchise when old Scoob has to be put down. He's getting on in years, it's a kindness. Ease his pain and suffering. Coldplay chiming out as cartoon Kev takes a break from wanking near Velma to construct a metallic Scooby Doo out of rusty fairground ride parts and a mouldy hot dog in a vain attempt to ease Shaggy's grief.

[grassbath]

There have been loads recently. I love this place. Recently though:

Issac Hayes Megma certainly took me by surprize, didn't know there were links between the two great Dynasties!

Just a glorious offhand concoction of silly daftness. Nobody but Glebe can can take a poo OP and run with it with such charm.

[Glebe]

There have been loads recently. I love this place. Recently though:

Just a glorious offhand concoction of silly daftness. Nobody but Glebe can can take a poo OP and run with it with such charm.

Hey, thanks grassbath! Proper cheered me up, that has!

[PlanktonSideburns]

Seconding that. Been reading out all of his succulents posts to the wife