The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

[buttgammon]

Oh God, that's the one. Was that 2008? It must have been, I remember listening to it in my old flat.

I'd guess 2008 too - the golden age of CaB radio for sure!

[paruses]

I'd love to see a scene where someone presses 'enhance' on an image in a movie and this appears:

From the unwelcome movie clichés thread that I have 17 pages to catch up on. Caught me so much by surprise I had to go into an empty meeting room to finish laughing. Thank you AsparagusTrevor.

Ffs - I've started again now. Must be tired.

[Lemming]

This one needs context.
Here's DrGreggle's ridiculous fantasy phone-destroying scenario (which he's still insisting is real) from the "Concert cliches you want to fuck off" thread:

Cunts filming the gigs on their phones and holding it up in front of other people to prevent them seeing anything, other than through their viewfinder.
I usually politely say " Could you put your phone down please, I can't see." in the first instance.
"Put your phone down." in the second.
Then "If I see that phone again once more you won't see it again!"

Most people feel bad after the first interjection and stop.
More cunty cunts get the second and the bigger cunts get the third.

So far there have been 4 occasions that have gone past the 3rd instance:
- 2 phones grabbed, dropped to the floor and kicked into the crowd - no words said
- 1 phone grabbed, put in my pocket with the cunt told to collect it after the gig (I missed my calling as a teacher, I think)*
- 1 phone grabbed, smashed on the floor and me yelling "I fucking warned you, you selfish cunt!" in his face. The few people standing near me cheered and his mates pissed themselves laughing.**

*He got it back after grovelling like a cunt
**This cunt was an absolute cunt though, even more cunty than all the other cunts. I was in a shit mood that day.

Then, later, this is posted in relation to The Cure:

I doff my hat to the Cure when it comes to encores. I saw them many years ago and they played for about 2 hours before they then went off stage. After much cheering and clapping they came back on and played for another hour and half. Say what you like about the Cure they sure give you your money's worth.

And here's the post that really made me laugh, by TwinPeaks:

The Cure playing really long encores to prevent me from going home.
I usually politely say "Could you turn your music down please, I want to go home." in the first instance.
"Put your guitar down." in the second.
Then "If I hear Pictures of You again once more you won't play it again!"

[manticore]

The whole of the HS Art World Cup thread has made me laugh a lot and is also very educational for people who want to to learn about The Game of Football, the offline rule and so on.

I mean this kind of insight from Spoon of Ploff has been invaluable to me:

Iran are all in one colour, Spain are all in another colour. This should avoid a degree of confusion when the match gets underway.

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,67615.0.html

[Mobius]

And here's the post that really made me laugh, by TwinPeaks:

I wanted to post this yesterday but had just posted one! I was at work and had suffered a nosebleed earlier in the day and this post caused me to spray hardened bloody snot over my hand.

[AsparagusTrevor]

I'd love to see a scene where someone presses 'enhance' on an image in a movie and this appears:

From the unwelcome movie clichés thread that I have 17 pages to catch up on. Caught me so much by surprise I had to go into an empty meeting room to finish laughing. Thank you AsparagusTrevor.



Ffs - I've started again now. Must be tired.

Thanks man! Totally forgot I'd posted that.

[All Surrogate]

Topic: the fucking pony tail man

the school counsellor mr jeffries had to come in and talk to us, he told us "ya no speak a pony tail bredren no more man, keep babylon out ya mind lest jah fire sexcrime up your batty hole"

[canadagoose]

Oxford, Gloxford,
Runcible egg.

[Dusty Gozongas]

dallasman definitely made me chuckle loudly there.

[Lemming]

Laughing at a lot of posts in the "Boris Johnson is the living embodiment of a global Britain" thread, but the bluntless of Neville Chamberlain's post is my favourite:

He should be the living embodiment of a sacked cunt.

[Bum Flaps]

From https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,63949.msg3328656.html#msg3328656

Can't-Get-Things-Back-Into-Their-Original-Containers Carl

Can't-Get-Things-Back-Into-Their-Original-Containers Carl goes camping. When it's time to pack and leave, Can't-Get-Things-Back-Into-Their-Original-Containers Carl can't get his tent back into the tent bag. Or the pegs back in the tent peg bag. Or his cock and balls into his underpants.

I need more CGTBITOC Carl updates.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I've basically been Carl on the day you've got to leave for a festival. Just totally too fucked to attempt even pulling a tent apart. Dumped at the bins.

[samadriel]

In the Maynard James Keenan rapey thread.

The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money will be tarnished forever.

Economist jokes!

[Dex Sawash]

Well you've got to trust the sources a little. Could end up with any chimp with a blog.

[St_Eddie]

˄
Funny and true.

[Sherman Krank]

Wait a second... these are FAKE HANDS!

[pancreas]

The hedgehog/Sploff double-act with staunch support from manticore continues to delight:

still no goals in this match. it'll be an early bath for both these teams at this rate. the Germans in the crowd are looking nervous. They've booked two more weeks off work and won't have anything to do if their team doesn't pull their fingers out and put the ball behind the line.

[Ferris]

The hedgehog/Sploff double-act with staunch support from manticore continues to delight:

Do my contributions mean nothing?!

[BlodwynPig]

Do my contributions mean nothing?!

stick to the baseball thread...zingers and dingers.

[pancreas]

Do my contributions mean nothing?!

Please sir, some decorum. A person has died.

[AsparagusTrevor]

Oh my fuck!

[Ferris]

Please sir, some decorum. A person has died.

Right, I'm in a huff for the rest of the day.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Oh my fuck!

I finally made it into this thread. I feel my life now has value.

[Gregory Torso]

The whole of the Alan Bennett Joins Twitter thread. It's fantastic, particularly wosl's broken spectacles escapades.

[Replies From View]

That shaved George Lucas is one of the best things I have ever seen.

[BlodwynPig]

That shaved George Lucas is one of the best things I have ever seen.

I hope its from a thread of "shaved celebrities"?

[biggytitbo]

I hope its from a thread of "shaved celebrities"?

I'd rather shave a bear and see what happens than a celebrity (a celebrity bear (eg Gentle Ben) is fine though)

[manticore]

Do my contributions mean nothing?!

Your probing questions touch upon the very essense of the game of soccerball, and are the very lifeblood of that otherwise moribund thread. I salute you sir!

[manticore]

The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money will be tarnished forever.

In the Maynard James Keenan rapey thread.Economist jokes!

I so badly wanted to make a a joke like that, (having never previously heard of this Keenan bloke) - something on the lines of what do you expect from a eugenicist -  but copped out for fear of accusations of poor taste. I am a coward and a poltroon.

[Replies From View]

I hope its from a thread of "shaved celebrities"?

Why do you need George Lucas to be a celebrity?