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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Chollis on September 11, 2018, 03:49:35 PM
I'm feeling quite sleep deprived and giddy so this thread title already had me going, but this post and the reply...chapeau



Thats the one

the

From Where were you on 9/11? No, seriously

Quote from: jobotic on September 11, 2018, 05:08:02 PMGot home in time to see the second plane hit.

My friend honesty thought for a few hours that the Twin Towers meant Wembley and The Pentagon was the Pentagon shopping centre in Chatham.

Noonling



paruses

Quote from: gilbertharding on September 19, 2018, 03:51:29 PM
Side note. Prior to my mum's funeral my sister told me her husband had a dark suit which he'd bought to wear to an evening do last xmas. "It's not a dinner jacket, is it?"
I was assured it was not. And so my brother in law wore evening wear to my mum's funeral. At least he didn't have on a bow tie...


non capisco

From 'The most effective lie you were told as a child thread'

Quote from: Gregory Torso on September 20, 2018, 10:08:41 AM
Your penis only has a limited number of erections in it, and after they're used up you will never get it up again.

Cut to: me crying on the bus saying "oh no, I'm wasting one!"

Gold as per usual from yer boy G-Tors.


Ferris

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on September 21, 2018, 03:39:38 PM
Russell Grant tearfully tries to end it all by overdosing on Smarties washed down with a 2l bottle of R Whites.

Edit: just realized I was thinking of the childish, whimsical comic stylings of yer man Russell Howard, which made this a lot funnier. Still very funny though.

ZoyzaSorris

Quote from: Clownbaby on September 11, 2018, 12:36:34 PM
I now want the Sonic The Hedgehog movie to be exactly this

'Audibly embarrassed echidna idris Elba' got me too.

mothman

Quote from: Blumf on September 21, 2018, 05:33:49 PM
Not sure, but I think this may be related...



OK, this is more on Viz than anything Blumfy actually said, but still. I can't even begin to imagine where the inspiration for that strip came from...

PlanktonSideburns

Somehow I wasn't really on board with that viz strip until the final five words. Then the phrase 'oscillating bollock faced chicken farmer' did me right in

Norton Canes

Quote from: QDRPHNC on September 21, 2018, 10:07:53 PM
I had my very own Paul Calf (the Coogan character, not the poster) moment the other week when I decided to replenish my drinks shelf all in one go: 1 bottle of vodka, 1 tequila, 1 gin, 2 whiskey, 1 bourbon, 2 rum.

Get to the checkout.

"Ooh, having a party?"
"No."

Replies From View

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on September 22, 2018, 08:22:10 AM
Somehow I wasn't really on board with that viz strip until the final five words. Then the phrase 'oscillating bollock faced chicken farmer' did me right in

I just love the situation and the politeness throughout.  And the overreaction to the sandwich going on the ground, along with the farmer stepping in with his solution and his description of what the vibrating goat is managing to do.  And little amusing phrases like "you murderer of electric ruminants" and "my sandwich is as good as new".

I suppose it didn't make me GUFFAW out loud though.  Just details that made it enjoyable prior to the final phrase.

Dex Sawash


Twit 2


bgmnts

Quote from: honeychile on September 24, 2018, 07:52:11 PM
Great stuff from John Mac.

I love how you hear these sorts of quotes from the right-wingers:

"Unfortunately, i'm now left with no other conclusion than that the party i love and have been a proud member of all my life, the Labour party, is institutionally antisemitic. It gives me no pleasure to say that. It breaks my heart to say that. I really wish i didn't have to say that, but i will repeat it again even though i take no pleasure from saying it: Labour is a racist, antisemitic, pro-brexit fuckpile led by a satanic cunt who i hope dies before the next election. I take no pleasure in saying that. Unfortunately this is where the party i love has ended up. I do love my party, and take no pleasure from doing it down based on fuck all. There are decent people in our party whose voices have been marginalised, and i wish i didn't have to say that. I will say it again, though. Don't vote Labour. Labour is possessed by the spirit of Pol Pot and led by Hitler. It gives me no joy to say that, and i've never masturbated while saying that. I don't ever want to have to say that again.

I will though: Labour is a lost cause. I take no pleasure from saying that, and am not relishing having any of the words i've said about it being a hateful dungeon being repeated on telly and in the newspapers tomorrow, even though unfortunately our free press will have no choice but to dutifully do its job and report what i'm saying, which i'm extremely sad to be saying. Now is the time for strong party leadership, which means acknowledging what a scum-filled oil spill the party i love has become, and we need decisive action from the leader which sadly hasn't been forthcoming.

I take no pleasure from saying that, but regret that i will have to do several interviews later today where i recount these well-rehearsed lines back to reporters i was at university with.

It's really sad. And frightening. And i reiterate that i take no pleasure from repeating that."

pancreas


mrpupkin

From the Corbyn thread, Shoulders' offhand description of Speak Your Brains segments on Newsnight (sorry don't know how to quote from a different thread)

"Vox pops down the market with give a fuck gammons"

marquis_de_sad

From the Beluga whale in the River Thames thread

QuoteThe Whale and Dolphin Conservation said it was "obviously very lost and quite possibly in trouble".

Quote from: non capisco on September 25, 2018, 09:26:11 PM
That's just what everyone who lives in Gravesend looks like.

Jerzy Bondov

Big fan of Huxleys Babkins here. Topics for citizenship lessons at school:
Quote- Fuck it, just go; hasty automotive manoeuvres for the most important person on the road: YOU
Howling at that.

Johnny Yesno

It's Pijlstaart again. In the How to join a union thread.

Quote from: Pijlstaart on September 29, 2018, 09:58:34 AM
"hast du einen geunion, mein schmick? Mögen sie ein moondust? geschmicken sie, zum schmick dabei" would work, or even in English, but loudly and slowly.

You shouldn't though, I'll picket you if you try. What about the union between man and his god, isn't that enough for you? Think you're a troublemaker, you.

manticore

That made me want to look at Pijlstaart's profile to catch up on anything  I'd missed.

This beautiful thing from the 'How Self-Conscious are you?' thread:

Quote from: Pijlstaart on September 20, 2018, 06:10:14 PM
You're not meant to look at faces though, that means you're doing it wrong. You stare off into the middle distance. The head of my institute is a giant with a liver-spotted face and you get lost in it, you're drawn in to these contorting dancing patterns of infinite complexity, you want to loop around all the spots with a felt-tip pen, convinced there is treasure in the maze. Stop looking at each other is the solution, not even effigies of people, islamic art had this figured out ages ago.

Johnny Yesno


manticore

Pijlstaart, if you happen to read this, please write a book so I can read it. Stories, a novel, anything.

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: manticore on September 30, 2018, 04:00:12 AM
Pijlstaart, if you happen to read this, please write a book so I can read it. Stories, a novel, anything.

+1

Pseudopath

Quote from: Captain Z on October 03, 2018, 03:32:09 PM
I have said that I am clear on being a dancing queen, and feeling the beat of the tambourine is something we will continue to look at carefully.

Underrated post. Nice work, Captain Z.

non capisco



Vodka Margarine

Quote from: Goldentony on October 06, 2018, 02:32:33 PM
IT WAS A WARNING FOR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR FOR FUCKING BALD GOLD BULLION HOARDING GRASSY KNOLL FUCKTIT, YOU GO ABOUT GIVING IT THE BIG 'UN TO PEOPLE YOU GET FUCKING WARNED THATS HOW BEING A CUNT WORKS