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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud: The Thread

Started by Nowhere Man, March 19, 2018, 04:03:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Lemming

Quote from: The Boston Crab on November 10, 2018, 12:08:44 PM
GET IN THE FUCKING SEA

Morcheeba consider rewrite, etc

EDIT: Fucking accidental new page cunt, it keeps happening

Twit 2

It bears repeating that GT is one magnificent bastard. I just cried with laughter reading this to my mate:

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the yeast of times. It was the turds of times. Simon Bollocks, a decrepit, wretched, foetid, etchasketched binman from St Annes had just finished cumming on pictures of every Doctor Who (except for the woman one) and it was time to die alone naked with wasps shooting out of his quivering paedo member. s*****c anus quivering in dusty living ground mist AIDs he watched breakfast TV alone the fucking idiot. Septic nonce.
He rammed a Twix into his face-cunt and drank a Fray Bentos energy drink and then he walked out into the quivering Brookside morning. Simon, hostile little skeleton, bones clattering like pro-brexit dice, arseholes in his pockets, a worm, a nematode, a bruise on a child's face, a poo, an unenthusiastic woo-hoo, a toothsome bollock, ate four Lion bars and tweaked his nubbin through his boilersuit. The wind slappy-slapped his mauve face and all the birds looked at him going, "what a prick". He looked at a faded picture of his dead absolutely shit head family, and scotch eggs, and stepped out in front of a bus.
His head abandoned his body just like dad did, his arms flew up and got stuck in some cables, his legs turned into a swastika and flew into a nearby synagogue, his anus plopped right on to the ring finger of a homeless woman at the bus stop who was smoking a grasshoppers leg and she said "I do".
Poor old bollocks, poor old sperm and eggs, binman, lorryload of fuck all, smashed. Guts and lard and guts.

The imagery and momentum in that short penultimate paragraph is brilliant.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

I have read that to my partner four times already as she loves it so much.

Replies From View

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on November 10, 2018, 10:55:19 PM
I have read that to my partner four times already as she loves it so much.

Is she allowed to read it herself?

Shoulders?-Stomach!


MoonDust

Can I be rude and ask who GT is? Also which thread did that post appear?

saltysnacks

The always sublime Gregory Torso, JG Ballard but funnier.

MoonDust


Shoulders?-Stomach!

GT has been operating at a high standard for a while now. But soon joy will re-enter his life and he will abandon us.

Small Man Big Horse




MoonDust


BlodwynPig


Utter Shit

This description of Dennis the Menace by Clownbaby really made me laugh, it's the last bit that makes it:

QuoteThe basic premise of it is that Dennis is a little shit and gets himself into shit and his dad thinks he's a cunt.


MoonDust

Quite an old one now but I just laughed at this in the Earth Shattering Local News thread:

Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on June 17, 2018, 05:54:10 PM

I hate this boring man so much. I hope he gets left on the M11 hard shoulder when he's hearse-bound while the funeral people fuck off to Alton Towers for 3 months. Then he'll have something to complain about. Although he probably won't actually, due to being dead.

samadriel


Rich Uncle Skeleton

In response to a possible EU army in the brexit thread

Quote from: Pseudopath on November 13, 2018, 08:48:27 PM
Wouldn't it be funny if they invaded the UK?

...and 48% of the population helped them.

mothman

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on November 09, 2018, 01:19:51 AM
I'm never in these threads, so they must be bullshit.

I felt like that, until I did.

Quote from: Maurice Yeatman on November 09, 2018, 01:37:06 AM
There hasn't been a "Last CaB post that made you LAUGH on the INSIDE" thread yet, so have faith.

... but I do feature here so rarely, the idea that I occasionally make anyone at least laugh on the inside is comforting; were such a  thread to exist, my bubble would be burst.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: mothman on November 14, 2018, 08:52:38 PM
I felt like that, until I did.

... but I do feature here so rarely, the idea that I occasionally make anyone at least laugh on the inside is comforting; were such a  thread to exist, my bubble would be burst.

Possibly the least mirth inducing post of the last 5 years.

But I laughed.

mothman

Yes, I lay my pain bare to the world - that nobody here thinks I'm funny, a total reversal of real life I might add - and you find that funny. Bastard.

Dex Sawash



Ferris


canadagoose

In the Trumpy-pumpy topic:

Quote from: Bhazor on November 15, 2018, 12:58:30 AM
God I keep forgetting Murdoch is an actual person. I keep picturing him as this disembodied force like Sauron. But instead of the anthropomorphized dark impulses of man he's just a sort of a gaseous cunt.


MoonDust

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on November 15, 2018, 01:17:02 PM
You'd think so. But how many times has it looked like the end for May, only for her to somehow refuse to disappear around the U bend, despite yet another thorough mashing with the bog brush?

The imagery in that post.