Two women have admitted to me that I was used as a wank fantasy. To be brutally honest, I wasn't surprised!
Paul Ross choking on an entire, live duck he just picked up from the side of the canal and shoved in his mouth to “try it”
When the duck is freed from his mouth by passers by, they have to hold him back as he attempts to try it again.
PRO: lapseCON: stipation
State of this thread. Not a single person pointed out one of my gems and now there’s dogs everywhere. Shambles.
"A second-hand PS2.""Happy Birthday, lad!"
“Did you think that was it? Only the best for my boy! I got you some games too.”*Son opens second present full of Atari ST games*“Bloke at the car boot said you’d love them.”
"Pac-Man, Frogger, Joust... never heard of any of these, dad.""Me neither, son... is Frogster the blue hedgehog one? Anyway, go on, pop 'em in your Sega cassette computer!"
Access Day Dad's children see father being buggered by a gang of bikers in the car park of a burnt out Little Chef on the A14, as they go past in the new Dad's Audi Q7.
RETCH INTO A BROWN PAPER BAG YOU INEXPERIENCED EASYJET PASSENGER
Run a string around my balls and attach the other end to the number 16 which passes the local Primark on its way to Bolton upon Dearne.
Another classic from replies lol.
Replies From Poo.
The whole of 'Lick my...' etc in HS Art. Had to wipe my IPad clean of masicated toast and Earl Grey. I think it's the use of upper case.
Good grief, there's six pages of this?! I'm doubled over and struggling to perform basic tasks after just the first one.
DannyHood91 posting in the Desolation threadStill makes me smile sometimes.
So much for Middle Of The Road being safe.
This exchange from the access day dad thread in H.S Art.
Quote from: Absorb the anus burn on April 08, 2018, 06:02:33 PM So much for Middle Of The Road being safe.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;Or close the wall up with our English dead.In peace there's nothing so becomes a manAs modest stillness and humility:But when the blast of war blows in our ears,Then imitate the action of the tiger;Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;Let pry through the portage of the headLike the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm itAs fearfully as doth a galled rockO'erhang and jutty his confounded base,Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,Hold hard the breath and bend up every spiritTo his full height. On, on, you noblest English.Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,Have in these parts from morn till even foughtAnd sheathed their swords for lack of argument:Dishonour not your mothers; now attestThat those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.Be copy now to men of grosser blood,And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,Whose limbs were made in England, show us hereThe mettle of your pasture; let us swearThat you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;For there is none of you so mean and base,That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:Follow your spirit, and upon this chargeCry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!' - 29
the first ever computerised blowjob pic i saw was actually a black-and-white high-res animation of a kneeling woman taking turns to suck first one mans cock and then anothers, who were standing either side of her.it wasnt even a .GIF it was an .EXE file that put your monitor into some sort of quasi-Hercules graphics mode - look it up kids if you can be arsed - and then hand-drew it.I cant remember how big it was but it fitted onto a 5.25" floppy disc, probably a 1.2MB one. I expect i still have it somewhere if i could find anything to read it.1988 btw. Oooh so 30 years ago !Quote from: doppelkorn on April 16, 2018, 09:58:32 PMPost of the year so far
Post of the year so far
That was the same excue as Paul Ross wasnt it? When he claimed meow meow made him go to motorway service stations at 3am and suck off lorry drivers?
No one going to mention the fact that it is folded into 8? And the reference to “this simcard” implies the offending storage device would be included in the envelope?Folded into 8 implies it’s been kept in a pocket before being mailed. You fold into 4 if it’s going directly into an envelope. If you’re in an office, you fold into 3 and taff an envelope from work. Also if you’re at work - you type it up and print it off to maintain anonymity (that’s what I do when I leave timewasting submissions in my company’s suggestion box). It’s also beat to fuck so unless you have a violent postman, it’s been through the wars.But Ferris, what does that mean?Someone dashed this note off then kept it in a pocket for some time before deciding to mail it, which implies they had second thoughts about doing it in the first place or didnt have envelopes to hand. They also intended to include an SD card with it, but forgot (or weren’t able to get whatever pictures they needed onto it so didn’t bother). They didn’t consider re-writing it to fit the lack of SD card, so they were presumably not thinking straight when mailing the letter sans SD card. They probably don’t have access to an office to nick stationery and a printer to hide their identity, so they are also probably a bit thick. The shit spelling seems to support this.Now, all of this doesn’t necessarily mean the letter is bullshit, but it does imply that whoever sent it wasn’t very clever, wasn’t in their right mind when sending it (and tarried posting it for a while which shows they thought it was a bit morally dubious), and the sender probably doesn’t work with your wife (assuming your wife works in the kind of office that has fancy ancillaries like “a printer” and “some paper”).Could be a bonkers neighbour out spying who’s just a bit funny in the head. That’s what my money’s on. Probably reads the daily mail and all.Yours sincerely,Ferriswheel “Sherlock Cumberband” Bueller, P.I.
I folded it up after I’d read it.
