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Behind the scenes with Ant and Dec

Started by Alberon, March 20, 2018, 11:44:18 PM

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Alberon

9.45am at Ant and Dec's Berkshire mansion.

Ant is sat in the conservatory on a sofa. Dec enters.

DEC: There you are! I've been looking all over for you.

ANT: I'm reet depressed, man.

DEC: Why's that, my old man?

ANT: I just saw us on telly. We looked fookin' awful. All fat and old! Look!

DEC: Ha ha! I see your confusion, chum! That's not us, it's The Hairy Bikers! Remember, not all Geordies on the television are us.

ANT: Oh, aye. I remember now.

Dec?

DEC: Yes?

ANT: I got pissed again and ran over the milkman.

DEC: Oh dear. Best get our butler, Schofield, to dispose of his body.

ANT: I ran him over too!

DEC: Fucksocks!

BlodwynPig

Ant: hang on, only one of the hairy bikers is a Geordie

Dec: Rumbled

Ant: rumbelows

DEC: Welcome to the Saturday Night Takeaway!

ANT: I'll have a chicken korma, thanks!

DEC: *sigh*

Gregory Torso

Ant is sitting at the kitchen table listening to PJ & Duncan's Greatest Hits on his Walkman.
Dec walks in, looking annoyed.
Dec: Ant!
(No response)
Dec: Ant, mate!
(Ant sees him and takes off his headphones)
Ant: Alright Dec mate?
Dec: Yeah... listen, have you been out today?
Ant: Erm... no... just been sitting here... All morning. Why?
Dec: Well... there's half a child stuck in the Mini's bumper.

Beagle 2

Ant: "Dec man, you know how when we done Ready to Rhumble we had so many lyrics we were frightened to use em?"
Dec: "Aye?"
Ant: "I think it's time to use em"
Dec: "Ant..."
Ant: "It's time"
Dec: "Ant man, all those lyrics were about existential dread and staring into the abyss and shit, I dinnae think that..."
Ant: "It's time"
Dec: "Aye. So. You'll be needing this?" *hands Ant and acoustic guitar*
Ant: "Thanks. You know... you'll never see me again?"
Dec: "I know. I know."
Ant: *slings guitar over shoulder and walks into woods*

Butchers Blind

Ant: "I still love her"
Dec: ...
Ant: "My leg hurts"
Dec: ...
Ant: "Remember Byker Grove?"
Dec: "Yes... yes"

Spoon of Ploff

Ant and Dec are at home watching the Flintstones on television.

Ant: ...
Dec: Lets... get Betty Rubble
Ant: ...
Dec: L-lets get ... Betty Rubble
Ant: ...
Dec: ...
Ant: Get Betty
Both: Get Betty and Rubble. Everybody ...
Dec: Rubble
Ant: hah haaa!
Dec: haaaaaaa!
Ant: ...
Dec: ...