Author Topic: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.  (Read 9114 times)

Twed

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #30 on: March 26, 2018, 02:36:31 PM »
Keith Allen is 5′ 6″.

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #31 on: March 26, 2018, 02:44:51 PM »
Keith Allen, Alex James and Damien Hirst.

The dream team 4 cunts.

4? Is Alex Jones the 4th member?

Isnt Anything

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #32 on: March 26, 2018, 02:49:04 PM »
This is probably correct, as she was also a semi-regular in the Fast Show (she's Higson's other half in the 'shagging couple next door' sketches):

She also very briefly appears in the Naughty Christmas video too, wearing a leopard print dress. She's a London taxi driver now, apparently.

Phwoaaarrr look at the size of that hippocampus !!!

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #33 on: March 26, 2018, 02:55:43 PM »
It makes me feel good to realise there's people who hate Keith Allen as much as I do. Thank you CaB.

As far as I can gather everyone who's ever met Keith Allen thinks he's a massive turd. I mean if you can upset Bob Mortimer you've got to be a monstrous cunt.

I also just learnt that he's married to Tamzin Malleson and am filled with rage, I had a massive crush on her when she was on Teachers and Bodies.

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #34 on: March 26, 2018, 03:19:51 PM »
I believe the Fast Show 'shagging couple' woman was a model from the adult film industry.

Just spoke to someone in the know. The well endowed drunk lady from the Fat Les video is a serious actress who was involved in a lot of clown stuff, performance art and experimental theatre. Apparently, she is as far removed from that sozzled character as is possible. The video was produced by Big Talk, so the rest of the women were friends of Keith Allen and Nira Park (Big Talk's head honcho) who were married at this time.  You can see Alfie Allen in the American football gear near the end.

And Tony Way was barely twenty years old when this came out and probably nine stone lighter than the featured Sumo wrestler who looks in his thirties.

biggytitbo

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #35 on: March 26, 2018, 03:30:33 PM »
I believe according to the rules of association football you would indeed emerge victorious if you 'scored one more' goal than the opposing side. The only proviso to this is if the match is abandoned before the scheduled end of the fixture.

However, it is also true that if you 'scored two more' goals than the opposing side, you would also emerge victorious.  'Scoring three more' goals than the opposing side would also almost certainly ensure victory, but I can't 100% confirm that as I don't believe it has ever occured.

The song is therefore an accurate summary of the objective of association football, however it is arguably misleading by implying that securing victory in a match of association football can only be achieved by scoring precisely 1 more goal than the opposing side, rather than attaining any kind of numerical advantage as is the case.

It also omits the possibility that securing victory in a game of association football can technically be achieved by scoring the same number of goals as the opposition, in the event that the fixture goes to a penalty shootout.

buzby

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #36 on: March 26, 2018, 03:47:09 PM »
I believe the Fast Show 'shagging couple' woman was a model from the adult film industry.
Yes, Donna Ewin.
Quote
Just spoke to someone in the know. The well endowed drunk lady from the Fat Les video is a serious actress who was involved in a lot of clown stuff, performance art and experimental theatre. Apparently, she is as far removed from that sozzled character as is possible. The video was produced by Big Talk, so the rest of the women were friends of Keith Allen and Nira Park (Big Talk's head honcho) who were married at this time.  You can see Alfie Allen in the American football gear near the end.
The woman in the video has the same face as Donna Ewin in the Fast Show photo I posted earlier in the thread. This other woman must be her twin.

Bhazor

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #37 on: March 26, 2018, 03:47:32 PM »

Just spoke to someone in the know. The well endowed drunk lady from the Fat Les video is a serious actress who was involved in a lot of clown stuff, performance art and experimental theatre.

Names ffs

Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #38 on: March 26, 2018, 03:50:09 PM »
Yes, Donna Ewin.

'Dishy' Donna Ewin, to use her full name.

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #39 on: March 26, 2018, 03:58:50 PM »
Names ffs

He didn't know it. Sorry. 

Bhazor

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #40 on: March 26, 2018, 04:01:30 PM »
Well fat lot of good you are. Now I'm stuck with the image of a big titted clown stumbling towards me and I have nothing fitting to wank to.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #41 on: March 26, 2018, 04:02:34 PM »
Albeit very good, that's a comedy song rather than a novelty record.

I'd like to know what the difference is.

At least now I realise why Kunt and the Gang sounded familiar when I first heard him.

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #42 on: March 26, 2018, 04:35:46 PM »
I'd like to know what the difference is.

At least now I realise why Kunt and the Gang sounded familiar when I first heard him.

To me, comedy songs seem more lyrical with lots of gags, a novelty song is just one joke.   

Both Adam & Joe and Kunt seem to use Je Suis Un Rockstar by Bill Wyman as their template via Frank Sidebottom.

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #43 on: March 26, 2018, 04:37:38 PM »
Well fat lot of good you are. Now I'm stuck with the image of a big titted clown stumbling towards me and I have nothing fitting to wank to.

I'm sure you'll find something on Pornhub before the opt-in measures come in.

Captain Z

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #44 on: March 26, 2018, 04:40:46 PM »
Just spoke to someone in the know.

Someone in the know? I doubt that even if you spoke to the woman herself she would remember if she was in a Fat Les video 20 years ago.

Norton Canes

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #45 on: March 26, 2018, 04:54:44 PM »
I believe according to the rules of association football you would indeed emerge victorious if you 'scored one more' goal than the opposing side. The only proviso to this is if the match is abandoned before the scheduled end of the fixture.

However, it is also true that if you 'scored two more' goals than the opposing side, you would also emerge victorious.  'Scoring three more' goals than the opposing side would also almost certainly ensure victory, but I can't 100% confirm that as I don't believe it has ever occured.

The song is therefore an accurate summary of the objective of association football, however it is arguably misleading by implying that securing victory in a match of association football can only be achieved by scoring precisely 1 more goal than the opposing side, rather than attaining any kind of numerical advantage as is the case

I think what the Vindaloo lyrics are attempting to stress is that 'we' will score one more than 'you' however many you score, and not simply at a determined point in the match. This could be expressed by the following formula:

gu=gy+1

Where gu = goals scored by us and gy = goals scored by you.

wosl

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #46 on: March 26, 2018, 05:05:49 PM »
 
I'd forgotten how awful that video is, makes me sad Matt Lucas is in there.

Vindaloo and vid are okay all day compared to the follow-up package that buzby's already mentioned: Naughty Christmas (aka Goblin In The Office).  Lucas is in that one too, smiling and doing an odd side-to-side head dance in the video.  The lascivious double-take look that Keith Allen gives at one point in the vid to the Carry-On-esque 'dolly bird' leading Rowland Rivron over to the photocopier seems, over-and-above 'satire' caveats and a goblin's probable given proclivities, to lend weight to the suspicion you've long had about Allen likely having been an oversexed bore for large parts of his life.  He seems far too at home playing Horny, the eighth Dwarf.  But why did he choose to voice the character using a pidgin accent?  Is that some sort of ill-judged nod-back in the direction of this first one?  Dear Jesus, the Britpop/YBA era was a horror.

« Last Edit: March 26, 2018, 05:23:56 PM by wosl »

biggytitbo

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #47 on: March 26, 2018, 05:17:59 PM »
I think what the Vindaloo lyrics are attempting to stress is that 'we' will score one more than 'you' however many you score, and not simply at a determined point in the match. This could be expressed by the following formula:

gu=gy+1

Where gu = goals scored by us and gy = goals scored by you.


The mistake the song makes is by focusing so intensely on this one method of ensuring victory in an association football match - 'scoring one more' goal than the opposing team, it implies this is the only way to secure victory in such a match when it isnt. Statistically speaking it is probably the most likely scenario - 1-0 and 2-1 are the most common winning scores, but it is by no means the only way, scores such as 2-0 and 3-1, where the victorious side scores 2 more goals than their opponents, are also extremely common.

purlieu

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #48 on: March 26, 2018, 05:29:58 PM »
I'm Scottish and I hate football but I like the tune of 'Three Lions'. Great wistful Kinks-like verse melody.
Mm, as someone who hasn't had any real interest in football since my early teens, I still enjoy 'Three Lions' on a musical level, that verse is absolutely lovely. Uncool as the Lightning Seeds might have been, Ian Broudie really knew how to write a tune.

I enjoyed 'Vindaloo' at the time. My sense of humour hadn't fully developed, but the absurdity of the verse lyrics appealed to me. One of the b-sides, the 'Laughter Mix', was the best, as instead of the chorus it just had Keith Allen laughing, with the result being a genuinely uncomfortable piece of music. I used to love playing it to people just to see their reactions. Looking back, it's really not great is it? Proper fag-end of britpop bollocks.

'Naughty Christmas (Goblin in the Office)' is a fucking musical travesty. What the hell inspired them to do that I'll never know. Even a bunch of hideous, coked-up cunts like Allen, James and Hirst should have had better taste than that. The b-side was the group singing carols to a drum machine, which justified its existence by the accidental singing of 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' to the tune of 'Jingle Bells', an accidental fuck-up that's the most entertaining thing the lot of them ever did.

Then they did that version of 'Jerusalem' as Fat Les 2000, which was a very strange choice, especially playing it straight as they did. There's a Bob Dylan impression cover on the single, I recall.

This was apparently followed by another single, which I've never heard and never want to, called 'Who Invented Fish+Chips? (Who Invented Poo?)', the title of which says as much about their sense of humour as needs to be said. And apparently they did a single for the Olympics under the name Fit Les, which I'd never even heard of until today. Still, must be nice to have the money to throw away on recording this sort of bollocks.


The whole britpop thing seems more and more of a tragedy in hindsight. Albums like Modern Life is Rubbish, Suede and His'n'Hers were all creative, interesting albums with a mixture of wistfulness and cynicism towards the UK at the time. The way the whole thing seemed to pick up the 'way-hey lads' bullshit along the way just spoiled any legacy the better music might have had, and alienated anyone who wasn't of that ilk.

Bhazor

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #49 on: March 26, 2018, 05:37:27 PM »
I'm sure you'll find something on Pornhub before the opt-in measures come in.

I've had to make do with that Dana Vespoli clown rape scene. Now there's piss and cum all over the place.

Famous Mortimer

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #50 on: March 26, 2018, 05:54:00 PM »
What the fuck is that "Naughty Christmas" bollocks? I appear to have gone my entire life without hearing it, and I wish I'd maintained that record. Eurgh. I feel like these words aren't enough to express how awful it is. There's even a dodgy glance to a George Michael-alike at the beginning to show you what a proper lad Allen is.

Vodka Margarine

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #51 on: March 26, 2018, 06:10:39 PM »


Oh, Joe.......

Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #52 on: March 26, 2018, 06:20:35 PM »
Yeah, who doesn't get a churn in the stomach at the '..and when the boy Line-acre scored..'

It's not the song, how could it be?  It's awful but the memories of that Summer are so etched in my mind.  A BBQ for the Spain game attracted pretty much the crème-de-la-crème of M38's high society.  The sun shone down, I copped off with Michelle (she was lovely) and as the day turned in to night we rounded the evening off chucking the uneaten burgers at the neighbour's back windows. 

He saw the funny side thankfully.

Every time I hear 'it's coming home' it all comes flooding back.

Yeah, Three Lions.

The reason I posted this today was the taxi driver had Talksport on. 
Tradepoint! Tradepoint!
One job something something Tradepoint!
Tradepoint!

Not that I would ever shop there anyway but I won't now.

One stop, get the lot! Tradepoint!

You're not a real fan like I am.

wosl

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #53 on: March 26, 2018, 06:24:00 PM »

With great contrivance they've aimed to deploy lowercase 'i's in otherwise uppercase set words there, only to fuck-up in the line above the NME logo.

Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #54 on: March 26, 2018, 06:24:54 PM »
What the fuck is that "Naughty Christmas" bollocks? I appear to have gone my entire life without hearing it, and I wish I'd maintained that record. Eurgh. I feel like these words aren't enough to express how awful it is. There's even a dodgy glance to a George Michael-alike at the beginning to show you what a proper lad Allen is.

Just looked it up after only knowing it by reputation these last 2 decades.

Puts me in mind of what a Leigh Francis/Space collaboration might have ended up sounding like.

That particular style of brass backing on the chorus/fade is so quintessentially mid-to-late 90s.

Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #55 on: March 26, 2018, 06:27:17 PM »

Vindaloo and vid are okay all day compared to the follow-up package that buzby's already mentioned: Naughty Christmas (aka Goblin In The Office).

Yes, it looks like Keith's had some Vindaloo and decided to go 'pantomime paki' in the follow-up.

I'll never be able to watch anything with Paul Putner in it again.

Neomod

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #56 on: March 26, 2018, 06:39:14 PM »
Vindaloo and vid are okay all day compared to the follow-up package that buzby's already mentioned: Naughty Christmas (aka Goblin In The Office). 

Kin ell that's grim.


wosl

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #57 on: March 26, 2018, 06:59:14 PM »
That particular style of brass backing on the chorus/fade is so quintessentially mid-to-late 90s.

Props for being able to register that while having to simultaneously process the sight of sales lothario Paul Kaye cavorting around with a big pair of 'comedy' tits.

thenoise

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Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #58 on: March 26, 2018, 07:09:27 PM »
GLEN HODDLE IS HAVING A GOAL

Re: Vindaloo Big Knockered Woman Question. Might be NSFW at some point.
« Reply #59 on: March 26, 2018, 07:15:04 PM »
As 90s fashion is currently being rinsed, I wonder how long it'll take for the enormous, untucked Ben Sherman look Allen's sporting to come back.