Author Topic: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol  (Read 1926 times)

Jerzy Bondov

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what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« on: March 26, 2018, 04:34:46 PM »
Only the best petrol for my car! Can't be putting your regular plebian petrol in my beautiful automobile! Here you go my darling, drink up, glug glug glug, get that high quality petrol down your spout, you beautiful angel!

*riding in my friend's car* Hmmm, something feels off about this car. It's just not a good ride. Ah, still using the normal petrol are you? On your head be it. If only you'd put the special petrol in. Just think of the wonderful time you could be having right now, soaring on the wings of better petrol.

SUPER PREMIUM KING BEAST PETROL! It's like pouring a can of Monster energy drink in your engine. BOOM! That car is bascially going to blast you into the stratosphere such is its raw power! Well worth the money. Worth every fucking penny mate. Get it bought you thick bastard. Get that good petrol.

Buelligan

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2018, 04:39:00 PM »
I only put vintage petrol in my Buell but it wasn't a machine so that's fine. 

I have proof.  When it was murdered in the street, right before my eyes, after counselling and an insurance payout, I bought another.  It looked exactly the same but it was not the same.

Dex Sawash

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2018, 04:53:18 PM »

Blumf

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2018, 04:55:38 PM »
Used to know where you stood with the good old fashioned 2-star and 4-star petrol. Then the bleeding heart liberals forced unleaded on us and it all when to pot with poncey 98RON and that.

Lemming

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2018, 05:01:02 PM »
When you're stuck in traffic on PREMIUM PETROL, you can feel the quality. Listen to that baby purr as we inch forward at a rate of about thirty centimetres per minute.

It'd be good to get some kind of "I USE PREMIUM PETROL" decal to stick on the side of the car, to let everyone know that this isn't just some shitty little piss-wagon, it's a beast, a mobile tank, the sort of car Robert Falcon Scott would have used to blast his way through the Antarctic, had cars been more of a thing at the time.

You can let people know you use premium by looking around conspicuously and making eye contact as you "fill 'er up" at the station, but that's not good enough.

momatt

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2018, 05:05:18 PM »
My (pseduo) father-in-law.
He's not a wanker though, he's pretty cool.

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2018, 05:06:44 PM »
My first motor, a mk3 Astra, had a little plug thing under the bonnet that you could turn over and that would tell the ecu to alter the injection profile or something.

I never tried it because it was 10+ year old car that cost me 500 quid. Tbh I rarely put enough fuel in it to turn  off the petrol light.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2018, 05:08:31 PM »
You can let people know you use premium by looking around conspicuously and making eye contact as you "fill 'er up" at the station, but that's not good enough.
What if you're the kind of person who uses premium because there's a sticker on their petrol cap saying the car will get heart disease if you feed it useless petrol but looks around conspicuously when filling to check that nobody notices in case they think you're a wanker?

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2018, 05:45:07 PM »
Do people who steal petrol steal the premium stuff?

Buelligan

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2018, 06:25:37 PM »
What if you're the kind of person who uses premium because there's a sticker on their petrol cap saying the car will get heart disease if you feed it useless petrol but looks around conspicuously when filling to check that nobody notices in case they think you're a wanker?

Or in case they notice that you are knowingly poisoning your baby by being a fucking cheapskate shitheel of a lover.  Murderer.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2018, 06:27:18 PM »
No no, this anonymous not-me person is putting the good stuff in. They're just naturally ashamed of looking like a ponce.

Danger Man

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2018, 06:29:24 PM »

thenoise

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2018, 06:46:26 PM »
Bought one of those expensive automatic car washes once with the wax finishes. Is this what success feels like?

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2018, 06:57:44 PM »
Bought one of those expensive automatic car washes once with the wax finishes. Is this what success feels like?

If you really want to feel posh you pay another human to wash it. I did that when I abandoned a car under a tree for 6 months and couldn't get the gank off.

Endicott

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2018, 07:00:43 PM »

Dex Sawash

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #15 on: March 26, 2018, 07:21:21 PM »
Bought one of those expensive automatic car washes once with the wax finishes. Is this what success feels like?

only if the windows and/or sunroof will not close

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2018, 07:24:39 PM »
If you really want to feel posh you pay another human to wash it. I did that when I abandoned a car under a tree for 6 months and couldn't get the gank off.

That car had wipers on the headlights. They didn't work but they made me feel like a real person.

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #17 on: March 26, 2018, 07:25:38 PM »
Is vegetable oil as good as olive oil?

Same thing.

I use the premium because it makes my car taste better.

Buelligan

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #18 on: March 26, 2018, 07:27:14 PM »
That car had wipers on the headlights. They didn't work but they made me feel like a real person.

Quote
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As any fule kno.

shiftwork2

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #19 on: March 26, 2018, 07:32:12 PM »
I don't buy the premium petrol because a tank of it would be worth more than my car.

Spring BBQ chat.  What are you driving at the moment?  A shitheap.

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2018, 07:35:37 PM »
As any fule kno.


I have a single speed bicycle and a bus pass.

Jerzy Bondov

  • give my cheeky volvic a bash
    • righto so ive got five minutes off work and uh yeah im gonna have a cheeky volvic
Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #21 on: March 26, 2018, 09:06:16 PM »
I love going through the automatic car wash. Swoosh! Last time I even remembered to take off the antenna.

mothman

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #22 on: March 26, 2018, 09:11:59 PM »
I’ll say one thing for Premium Unleaded, it’s just the thing you want to accidentally put in your trusty old F-reg Peugeot 205 by mistake instead of 4 Star late one Christmas Day when you’ve just had to drop your brother in Brighton after driving through a massive rainstorm and you’re feeling a bit frazzled.

Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #23 on: March 26, 2018, 10:03:33 PM »

I have a single speed bicycle and a bus pass.

I walk everywhere like some kind of 2-legged cunt.

Dr Rock

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2018, 10:10:49 PM »
There should be a Poundshop shitty but cheaper option, that you would use if you were probably going to write off your car within a year anyway.

related - Haringey council have taken liability for how I wrote off the past car (drove it over an unmarked keep left island with no keep left sign on it, while overtaking a cyclist in the dark, so it categorically wasn't my fault and they have to give me the £800 my car was worth.)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #25 on: March 26, 2018, 11:48:47 PM »
Barry the Wanker

itsfredtitmus

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Re: what sort of wanker buys the premium petrol
« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2018, 12:05:45 AM »
Barry the Wanker
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