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March 28, 2024, 09:29:15 AM

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How to tell a secret brothel from the outside.

Started by Icehaven, March 28, 2018, 06:55:34 PM

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idunnosomename


Steven

Quote from: Uncle TechTip on March 29, 2018, 08:07:56 AM
There's a massage parlour on Brook Street in Chester and you can tell they offer handjobs because it's scruffy and in-between a bookies and a kebab shop and who the fuck would go there just for a massage?

ALL of Brook Street is scruffy. I'd imagine every take-away, pub, shop and hairdresser offer handjobs to lure any fucker in.

Icehaven

The number of mentions of blinds/curtains always being drawn being a telltale brothel signifier is interesting as I live in a houseshare so the ground floor front room is someone's bedroom, so understandably he keeps the curtains closed most of the time as it faces straight onto the street. So either that could have caused the misunderstanding or he is actually a rent man and I scared one of his customers away.   

dex


Brundle-Fly


dex

I like the way the white cladding has eroded away to make a moustache and you can roll under the shutter like Dr Jones...

Blumf

Could have a classy name like 'Casa de Dirty Sanchez'


Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: kalowski on March 29, 2018, 06:49:49 AM
There's one in Northenden in Manchester (or was, it may have gone now). It was a shop front- you couldn't see what was inside (women having sex for money, apparently). But once you knew, it was obvious. I remember cycling past once and seeing a bloke come out walking as fast as he possibly could whilst looking at the ground.

There used to be a coffee shop in Soho which was opposite one of the walk up brothels, and back in the 90s a friend and I enjoyed going for a coffee there and watching the men leave. Most scuttled away in the way you mentioned, but every so often someone would come out in a shockingly happy mood and didn't give a fuck who saw him or not. And that's how I met mook for the first time.

imitationleather

I briefly lived in Soho next door to a brothel and people (prostitutes and punters) would mistake the flat for the brothel on a tiresomely regular basis. So you'd have men ringing up trying to come in saying "I was here last week... Chap with the beard" and I'd be like "Uh? What? It'd be easier if you just told me your name. Monty, is that you?! Oh, hang on, you want the "Model"! Next door! Give her one from me!" and once a prostitute mistakenly came into the flat (I wasn't there at the time) and apparently went absolutely crazy when she realised it wasn't the knocking shop.

St_Eddie

Quote from: imitationleather on March 29, 2018, 01:44:44 PM
...once a prostitute mistakenly came into the flat (I wasn't there at the time) and apparently went absolutely crazy when she realised it wasn't the knocking shop.

Herpes Goes Bananas.


BlodwynPig

Quote from: imitationleather on March 29, 2018, 01:44:44 PM
I briefly lived in Soho next door to a brothel and people (prostitutes and punters) would mistake the flat for the brothel on a tiresomely regular basis. So you'd have men ringing up trying to come in saying "I was here last week... Chap with the beard" and I'd be like "Uh? What? It'd be easier if you just told me your name. Monty, is that you?! Oh, hang on, you want the "Model"! Next door! Give her one from me!" and once a prostitute mistakenly came into the flat (I wasn't there at the time) and apparently went absolutely crazy when she realised it wasn't the knocking shop.

Just along from where you live now, the other side of the Tyne Bridge and past the restaurants there are a few brothels. The Chronicle did an expose a while back listing all the high-end apartment blocks in the City that were used for illegal sex.

MojoJojo

Quote from: Gregory Torso on March 28, 2018, 11:55:28 PM
A lot of brothels in China are disguised as hairdressers. You know because you walk in, looking for a haircut like, and there's a middle aged woman in a miniskirt looking at you, nothing on the shelves, she's not even got a pair of scissors. And you sit in the chair and she starts stroking your arm and brings you a menu of sex stuff. I didn't know, when I'd only been here about a month, and went in to one and demanded a haircut. Shittest haircut I've ever had, and I wondered why the hairdresser was so angry.

Lucky you didn't ask for a number 2 all over.

imitationleather

Quote from: BlodwynPig on March 29, 2018, 02:58:37 PM
Just along from where you live now, the other side of the Tyne Bridge and past the restaurants there are a few brothels. The Chronicle did an expose a while back listing all the high-end apartment blocks in the City that were used for illegal sex.

When I had a girlfriend who lived in New Cross there was an illegal sex cinema on her road for about a year. By the end it was being covered by Vice so often (not over-stating it to say it was on their website about once a week) that you kind of got the impression nearly everyone in there was a journalist pretending to be Louis Theroux and his wry smile at the orgy.

St_Eddie

Frankly, I don't know what all the fuss is about in terms of keeping it a secret.  What's wrong with enjoying a nice cup of hot Bovril?

Quote from: Pseudopath on March 29, 2018, 02:56:12 PM
+1. It certainly is The Love Bug.

Hah!  +1 right back at you.

manticore

When I did History A Level the teacher said that in Victorian times one in sixty houses in London was a brothel. I wonder what it would be now?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: manticore on March 29, 2018, 05:11:07 PM
When I did History A Level the teacher said that in Victorian times one in sixty houses in London was a brothel. I wonder what it would be now?

One in sexty?

Zero Gravitas

Quote from: manticore on March 29, 2018, 05:11:07 PM
When I did History A Level the teacher said that in Victorian times one in sixty houses in London was a brothel. I wonder what it would be now?

Now I'm not sure, but I'm hopeful that post-brexit the uk will become an island dedicated to super-Weimarian debauchery.

The real Europeans will fly here on long weekends of; plundering fresh faced young boys, shredding baby anuses and shitting into the mouths of ex-media executives forced to cross-dress as stereotypical Whitehall mandarins.

The Japanese will rip out and replace the tracks from London to Glasgow, to allow them to take afternoons in the northern reaches where the locals aren't allowed clothes or housing and have had their recurrent laryngeal nerves severed, reducing them to grunting filthy playthings.

Don't get me started on what the Americans demand in their coastal "Resorts".

But there will be no mustachioed hero to save us from our big jelly, it'll be a thousand year rooting.

One hopes at least.

Dr Rock

The shops where I used to live, one of them was a Thai 'Massage Therapy' place that was suspicious. It looked quite classy from the outside... but why was it still open at 11pm? Eventually googled the name and it came up on ukpunting.com. SamLP says:

QuoteGood to know she's now put a price on sex. When I asked her, she wasn't clear, wanted me to name a figure, and then hinted someone once offered her £200. She thought I would probably offer the same  :sarcastic:
Twice, I was told to bring condoms next time so we can get it on but I never did. She used to come out with some shit such as "I don't want to be hurt again. I fell in love before and I was hurt" Put me off as this is punting, not a love match. She was really passionate though, lots of dfk, b2b, fingering and fun. Then she's cosy up to me at the end, rest her head on my chest and run her hands through hair with intertwined legs. Had she not become needy & greedy I would have fucked her.

What's b2b?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Dr Rock on March 29, 2018, 09:45:37 PM
The shops where I used to live, one of them was a Thai 'Massage Therapy' place that was suspicious. It looked quite classy from the outside... but why was it still open at 11pm? Eventually googled the name and it came up on ukpunting.com. SamLP says:

What's b2b?

back 2 basics
bottom 2 bottom

Zero Gravitas

Quote from: Dr Rock on March 29, 2018, 09:45:37 PM
What's b2b?

It's a commercial transaction between two brothels, like exchanging a pair worn out old rent boys for a set of new bedding.

BlodwynPig


Dr Rock


king_tubby


Danger Man

Deep French Kiss

(Many thanks to Dr Rock's mum for supplying me with this information)

kalowski


Stuff like that Ukpunting that Dr Rock mentioned actually have reviews of prostitutes by their customers. Quite depressing as they reduce these women to objects that are rated on their ability to perform various sex acts.
However, you get the odd one that entertains like

Quote
Comms 2/10 - very poor - lots of changes and cancellations.
Location - easy to find and easy parking - the incall was dirty and untidy.  The bedroom had a dirty duvet on tired mattress.  Dirty clothes on the floor. Place stank of cigarettes.  Bathroom was manky - poo in the toilet - nappy in the bath. 
Girl - very good looking - but smelt strongly of cigarettes.

Despite the horrible incall location, Katie was cute and GFE.  Great DFK.  Soon into 69 and she was very good.  We moved to have sex and on with a condom.  Cowgirl felt really good - great technique - but after a couple of mins I noticed she was bleeding (period).  She apologised.  It was everywhere, and the moment was gone.  I went to the bathroom to tidy up, but the toilet had a turd in it, no clean towel, the bath had a nappy in it.  I used wet wipes to clean up and got dressed and left.

She needs to tidy up the place - it's a dump - and in hindsight I wouldn't go back and for future meets with new people I'll be much more picky and walk away if the place is dirty and smelly.

She could be fantastic if she can get her act together.

Despite the place being so filthy, I didn't get the impression she was on drugs or anything like that


Bison

That's rendered the entirety of the three Desolation threads obsolete. Fair play.

Twit 2

That's probably the thin end of the wedge, too.

Back in the days before HS Art and Desolations CaB had a phase of pasting those type of reviews for the bleakness and unintentional hilarity.

kalowski

Should I wallow in the misery of men who pay for sex?

Quote
Relaxation Rooms Chorley, 17th march, 1Hr, £60. :o

I decided to make a booking with Joanna in Chorley, despite my reservations and having been let down by her on a previous occasion, believing that anyone can have an off day.

Communications were good and efficient and as instructed I made my way to her area and then rang for the house number. After speaking to her, I arrived at her door and was a bit surprised that the person who opened the door was actually her. She had described herself as a size16/18 but in the real world is probably a 22. Also claiming to be late thirties and again not accurate, probably ten years older. Still, she seemed nice enough so happy enough to go along with it.

Passed the two barking dogs, little yappy things, and into her bedroom where she has a proper massage table. Told to get undressed-but from that point after it all got a bit weird !! When I was half way through getting undressed, she started to undress me, even dropping to her knees to help me off with my undies.
After laying down on my front, the massage started which to be fair was pretty good, firm and light strokes and plenty of reaching underneath to stroke and cup my balls. Turned over, massage continued, by which time she was naked and her huge saggy boobs were resting on my face. Couple of minutes later she was sucking me off-didn't know is was possible for a BJ to be unenjoyable but she made it that way. No friction at all, plenty of slather and it reminded me of a dog eating hot chips !
We then moved on to the bed but I noticed she seemed a bit unsteady on her feet. Turned out she had been drinking  for the last couple of hours. I also notice that the oil she had been using was vegetable oil and that's all she had in but it would be ok.
The massage continued and got worse-I lost my errection when she started to tell me how her husband used to beat her and she was eating pizza whilst trying to pull me off. When I decided to write this booking off as a disaster and sneak away, I found she had fallen asleep on my arm and I wasn't brave enough to wake her up, After being stuck there for an hour, she woke up and asked me if I wanted to finish myself off over her belly. You're ok thanks. When it could get no worse and I was about the leave, she said"you might as well go then, its obvious you don't love me".
The pay as you go mobile that I used to call her is now lying in the undergrowth at the side of the M6-somewhere I was starting to think I might end up :o
Whoever said desolation was right.