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Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go

Started by Fambo Number Mive, March 29, 2018, 09:48:16 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

gilbertharding

Zlatan Ibrahimovic, in 'Visa' track suit, buys a drink.

Honestly, what?

mothman

Some truly awful World Cup-themed ads out there. But I did find the PaddyPower VAR one a bit funny. And the Co-op one made us laugh, just for the onscreen commentator's post-penalty line "And now they're only Five-One down!!"

yesitsme

I saw the David Mitchell/Kevin Bacon one the other day. 

What won't these people do for money?

The kids 'have to' update their fantasy football teams?

That line has NEVER been said by anyone, ever.

How do these people sleep at night?  When is too much not enough?

mothman

Given how connected Kevin Bacon apparently is to everybody, you'd think he'd've been able to find somebody to check his contract with EE before he signed it. It's the only explanation at this point. He's being held against his will.

And as for Mitchell, is he hoping to get in on that "The Trip" 'enhanced reality' schtick? Because he's basically playing himself, but as the father of three teenagers when it's fairly common knowledge at this point he's the father of one preschooler.

Captain Z

It's a box-ticking advert; two dads and a girl into football.

yesitsme

Child 1. 'Dad, I'm almost out data, you're a millionaire, mum's a millionaire - what the fuck?'
Child 2. 'Fuck that for a game of soldiers, who's this floppy haired cunt and why's he yapping on about mobile data all the time?'
Child 3. 'I want my muuummm!'
Mitchell - Blusters.

mothman

I can see Coren Mitchell having a bit of a thing for Bacon and pressuring her husband into doing it so she could get to meet him. That'd explain it for sure.

metaltax

The chef bloke who's Tim Lovejoy's only friend (Simon somebody?) giving it the full Legend Gary in the new BT adverts, talking about watching his son's football game while sneakily listening to Liverpool play.

Uncle TechTip


boki

Quote from: metaltax on June 22, 2018, 08:26:25 AM
The chef bloke who's Tim Lovejoy's only friend (Simon somebody?)

Simon Rimmer.

And with that, the jokes write themselves.

jobotic

Was that Daniel Johnstone I just heard on an Apple advert? Motherfuckers.

yesitsme

Tesco food love stories are seriously the worst and the latest with whatserface doing her twee-likkle-baby-girl voice is a new low.

They're an Own Brand version of the M&S ads.

Death to all involved.

im barry bethel

Ring doorbells...

Burger creeps up to house and peers through window

Householder spies him via his phone while stood in the supermarket

Bloke "Can I help you?"

Burglar "eeerm I've lost my cat, wondered if you'd seen it"

Bloke "no, and now I'd like to see you leave"

Burglar "no worries mate"


Now I'm no burglar but if a smug cunt said that to me I'd brick every window.

im barry bethel

Quote from: mothman on June 18, 2018, 04:01:42 PM
I can see Coren Mitchell having a bit of a thing for Bacon and pressuring her husband into doing it so she could get to meet him. That'd explain it for sure.

3sum, Mitchell's the cuckold fluffer

asids

Quote from: im barry bethel on June 29, 2018, 10:56:01 AM
Ring doorbells...

Burger creeps up to house and peers through window

Householder spies him via his phone while stood in the supermarket

Bloke "Can I help you?"

Burglar "eeerm I've lost my cat, wondered if you'd seen it"

Bloke "no, and now I'd like to see you leave"

Burglar "no worries mate"


Now I'm no burglar but if a smug cunt said that to me I'd brick every window.

The totally unrealistic calmness and self-assurance to the fact someone is clearly attempting to burgle his house when he's at the shops is what makes me laugh at that advert.

Also the previous version had a guy at the door claiming he was offering a "free window cleaning service", because of course window cleaners just randomly offer free cleans, that's not going to be suspicious at all.

yesitsme

How about if Honest Angus found your phone?  Or Mary?  You'd been fine, she's honest.  But what about this cunt?  Ooooh, if he found it you'd be fucked pal.

Thankfully RBS have some shit fucking app that means Twat Bastard here wouldn't be able to access your account.

Fred the Shred on the other hand?  He'll single handedly destroy the world's economy and walk away with a big fat bonus.

And we're closing all our branches.

We're 'there for YOU though'.

F the RBS.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: im barry bethel on June 29, 2018, 10:56:01 AM
Ring doorbells...

Burger creeps up to house and peers through window

Householder spies him via his phone while stood in the supermarket

Bloke "Can I help you?"

Burglar "eeerm I've lost my cat, wondered if you'd seen it"

Bloke "no, and now I'd like to see you leave"

Burglar "no worries mate"


Now I'm no burglar but if a smug cunt said that to me I'd brick every window.

'your house looks like a Morrisons mate, why have you decorated your house to look like Morrisons mate?'

Sebastian Cobb


mothman

This is madness. There's no football on TV! But still World Cup-themed adverts!

gilbertharding

Scene - summer morning, a large airy bedroom. As the sound of Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me) by Cockney Rebel strikes up, a middle aged but obviously youthful couple wake up. The man, wearing short pyjamas and a flowing lightweight robe proceeds to dance through the house downstairs to the kitchen.

A public safety film, warning against the dangers of wearing socks on polished wooden staircases?

Not quite.

(Also - confusingly, once the man reaches the ground floor, there is a woman apparently already there to greet him... but we last saw his wife upstairs. No wonder he needs the little blue pill).

Uncle TechTip

He then reaches the patio window, steps out into the warm morning sun, and thinks, "wowwwww I've got a massive cock"

Bad Ambassador

Quote from: im barry bethel on June 29, 2018, 10:56:01 AM
Burger creeps up to house and peers through window

Householder spies him via his phone while stood in the supermarket


Bad Ambassador

All the World Cup ads remind me of the SNL Tostinos commercials, where it turns out the bloke's wife is getting off with Kristen Stewart in the kitchen while he's watching the football.

Icehaven

Quote from: im barry bethel on June 29, 2018, 10:56:01 AM
Ring doorbells...

Burger creeps up to house and peers through window

Householder spies him via his phone while stood in the supermarket

Bloke "Can I help you?"

Burglar "eeerm I've lost my cat, wondered if you'd seen it"

Bloke "no, and now I'd like to see you leave"

Burglar "no worries mate"


Now I'm no burglar but if a smug cunt said that to me I'd brick every window.

The one where the bloke's in the cinema calmly slurping his drink while watching two thieves trying to steal his car is even stupider. After watching them for a few moments, (watching as if it's a TV programme he's not particularly into btw and not as if his car is being nicked in his absence) he presses a button on his phone and the car alarm goes off so they scarper, he makes some witty comment to the fourth wall and settles back to watch the film. Now, if that's all it took to put them off, surely a traditional alarm would suffice? Not that it probably would put them off anyway, and either way it's bizarre to imply you could or would remain so collected and unperturbed by watching masked men invading your property. But the real question is, if his car is at home, how did he get to the cinema?

gilbertharding

Is it time to talk about those McDonald's Wrap adverts with all the gender fluid stuff (or is that special sauce?)? I don't understand them. Are they the same characters as were in the last lot?

mothman

I think we're meant to think that, but they aren't. And as we all know she was fucking his dad anyway.

mothman

Quote from: gilbertharding on July 04, 2018, 10:02:06 AM
Scene - summer morning, a large airy bedroom. As the sound of Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me) by Cockney Rebel strikes up, a middle aged but obviously youthful couple wake up. The man, wearing short pyjamas and a flowing lightweight robe proceeds to dance through the house downstairs to the kitchen.

A public safety film, warning against the dangers of wearing socks on polished wooden staircases?

Not quite.

(Also - confusingly, once the man reaches the ground floor, there is a woman apparently already there to greet him... but we last saw his wife upstairs. No wonder he needs the little blue pill).

Also, I really hope he put those socks on along with the other clothes, and he didn't have them on all the time.

gmoney

That Giff Gaff ad with the girl going on that big/small nonsense rant makes me want to smash things. I will never ever get a Giff Gaff aim card as long as I live. Fucking hell!

Icehaven

Quote from: gmoney on July 14, 2018, 10:33:38 PM
That Giff Gaff ad with the girl going on that big/small nonsense rant makes me want to smash things. I will never ever get a Giff Gaff aim card as long as I live. Fucking hell!

It's a textbook example of forcing qualities onto an abstract concept to make a point but it just being nonsense when you actually look at it. How does 'small has a sandwich' help anyone? I think they're woefully overestimating how much people care about the size of their phone network provider, and if anything isn't bigger phone network=generally better due to better coverage?

Sebastian Cobb

It's a load of shite anyway. It's a virtual network that runs on whatever 02 is calling itself now.

They buy the data/usage wholesale and then sell it on. They cut costs because there's no staff and it's ran by the community.

As a service it's fine. I wouldn't enter into a proper phone contract again.