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Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go

Started by Fambo Number Mive, March 29, 2018, 09:48:16 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Bronzy

Quote from: gmoney on November 10, 2018, 09:47:03 AM
I've just realised it's actually the new Argos ads. No pizza for him :(

He'll have laminated catalogues coming out of his ears and arsehole, the lucky bastard.

Pseudopath

Elton "Fucking" John? And didn't John Lewis use Your Song (albeit warbled by Ellie Goulding) back in 2010?

HARD BREXIT NOW.

kalowski

Just caught a McDonald's advert that seemed to suggest they were going to slaughter and eat reindeer.

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Captain Z on September 06, 2018, 01:46:47 PM
Sarcastically commenting on adverts is one of my favourite passtimes, could we maybe append the word 'adverts' to the thread title so new members are more likely to join in? Mad Men finished several years ago and I didn't even get the reference when I first joined.

Not just new members, I've been here for aeons and I didn't realise this was an adverts thread.  I foolishly started a thread the other day to comment on an ad and thanks to Pseudopath for alerting me to this one or I'd have been none the wiser.  I never saw Mad Men so the title meant nothing to me and I never ventured in.

Quote from: yesitsme on September 07, 2018, 10:29:24 AM
Almost as ubiquitous as the slowed down version of a not very good song in the first place sung in a weedy manner by a breathy voiced girl is the appearance of the ulterior motive.

I can't stand that one with Everybody Wants To Rule The World sung by some girl who sounds like she's got cotton wool stuffed in her gob.  What an annoying voice.  Ah, I just Googled to find out what the ad is for as I couldn't remember.  It's for Barnardo's.  I was going to delete this comment as I didn't want to take the piss out of a disabled person (if that's who's doing the singing) but another link suggests the person singing it is Lorde.

Queneau

Quote from: kalowski on November 18, 2018, 03:01:10 PM
Just caught a McDonald's advert that seemed to suggest they were going to slaughter and eat reindeer.

Why not? Papa Johns has an ostrich pizza.

DrGreggles

Quote from: kalowski on November 18, 2018, 03:01:10 PM
Just caught a McDonald's advert that seemed to suggest they were going to slaughter and eat reindeer.

One of those promotional tie-ins with Rudolph: The Movie*?

*might not exist

Pseudopath

You've got to admire the brass balls (and production values) of 3's latest campaign: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP6Flfu42Qk

The comments are obviously full of pissed-off Christians declaring this advert as a true sign of the end times, but even I was a little stunned by that Titanic joke. I know it's been over 100 years, but the sheer flippancy is astonishing.

buzby

Hot on the heels of Peter Kay, The Muppets and Stallone, Bobby DeNiro is apparenttly the latest sleb to take a six figure sum in exchange for what dignity he had left to shill Tory party donors Warburton's baked goods.

mothman

I was largely neutral towards Martin Freeman previously - he was OK in The Office, good in Sherlock, I thought he was a good fit for Bilbo Baggins and was disappointed when initially it looked like his schedule wouldn't allow him to take the role. Didn't mind him in Fargo and Black Panther despite his rubbish American accents. But the Vodafone ads have tipped me over into full-on dislike. Just want to punch him, frankly.

Vodka Margarine

I was thinking along very similar lines myself recently and yes, those ads are the point of no return. Dawn's boyfriend should've caved his face in straight away.

Clownbaby

That fucking Photobox advert with the singer honking "came here for the leeeuuuuooo-HOOAAAHH" (translation: "came here for the love, oh") seems to be on every 10 seconds

gilbertharding

Quote from: mothman on November 26, 2018, 06:34:17 PM
I was largely neutral towards Tim from The Office previously - he was OK in The Office, good in Sherlock, I thought he was a good fit for Bilbo Baggins and was disappointed when initially it looked like his schedule wouldn't allow him to take the role. Didn't mind him in Fargo and Black Panther despite his rubbish American accents. But the Vodafone ads have tipped me over into full-on dislike. Just want to punch him, frankly.

I haven't 'run the numbers' as they say, but I reckon at least 25% of this and the previous Advert Thread was concerned with the continuing (?) saga of Tim from The Office and his mobile phone.

I still want to know - is it a soap opera, a la The Bisto Family, or the Coffee Commercial Couple https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkQg1GTBosE?

Or the Bounty Islanders?

Quote from: Joe Cornish
THE TRUE STORY OF THE BOUNTY BAR HUNTERS.

In May 1977 the world famous Bounty Hunters first appeared on British television screens. Many still believe them to be the concoction of advertising executives, but startling new theories, revealed here for the first time, suggest a more sinister reality. Sources suggest that it was 1975 when Mars Confectionery executives first heard rumours of a mythical "Bounty Bar", believed to be the actual "taste of paradise". According to legend, the bar was produced by a tribe of natives on an undiscovered South Sea Island. It formed their sole diet, held powerful aphrodisiac properties, and took centre stage in the tribe's mysterious fertility rituals. Excited executives immediately dispatched a team of sexy explorers to search for the bar, together with a camera crew, to capture their adventures and turn them into television commercials. The resulting campaign was to become one of the most famous and enduring in the history of confectionery advertising. But many believe that behind the images of beautific tropical islands lies a true story of obsession and sexual perversity. The evidence is there for all to see in the original adverts.
ADVERT ONE: THE BOUNTY HUNTERS (1977)

ACTION:

Three scuba divers, one man and two women, emerge from the shallow waters of a paradisical desert island. They undress and head up the beach to discover two Bounty Bars behind a palm tree. They settle down and bite into the bars, then proceed to eye each other up accompanied by the famous Bounty Song: "The Bounty Hunters are here, they're searching for a paradise..."

ANALYSIS:

From the moment we first see these so-called Bounty Hunters, it's clear they're after something moist and tender that isn't coconut. In a telling early shot, one of the women unzips her wetsuit to release her captive breasts, which swell forth eagerly in big close up to sparkle in the sunlight. The Bounty Hunting component of their expedition is derisory. They find the bars too easily, laid out on a palm leaf beside an artfully split coconut. One of the women then lies back on the sand and bites the top off a bar. The way she guides the top between her lips with the tip of her tongue suggests she may well have a background in porno.

The way the man watches her with an evil look in his eye suggests he might have a serious criminal record. And the way the second woman watches them both suggests that she swings both ways and that any second now they might all start to "party". The final post-coital shot of all three watching the sun set behind their yacht suggests that they did, it was fantastic, and they've decided to live there together forever.

ADVERT TWO: VILLAGE OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS (1983)

ACTION:

A blonde woman wearing a skimpy bikini clambers through a tropical jungle. She arrives in a small clearing where five other beautiful scantily clad young models of both sexes have established a small Bounty Hunting commune. She's immediately offered a refreshing Bounty Bar from a large carved wooden bowl. She sits next to a blonde man and laughs at whatever he's saying while she eats her Bounty seductively. Soon they're all munching on Bounties and eyeing each other up suggestively. The accompanying voice-over explains that "the Bounty Hunters have made their home in paradise, for here they have found the Bounty Bar, the taste of paradise."

ANALYSIS:

On close observation, the people in this second commercial are recognisable as the original Bounty Hunters. They have clearly settled on the island and built bamboo huts to live in, with the Bounty Bar as their sole diet. The powerful aphrodisiac property of the bar has led them to create a Charles Mansonesque, sex-based commune. The constant sunshine keeps their complexions free from zits, and the malnutrition that results from constant Bounty eating keeps them slim and photogenic. Their beautiful new companions are either the original camera crew, or friends who have dropped out of society and traveled to the island guided by a secret Alex Garland-style map. They now spend their lives gathering Bounty Bars, lounging around eating them, then engaging in prolonged group sex sessions. One can only imagine the number of small children who must be sheltering inside the huts. It's highly possible that this scenario actually existed, masterminded by Mars Executives, who dispatched a camera crew every few years to capture their superficially idyllic but actually deeply disturbing lifestyle.

Many believe that this is what actually happened, and the second advert, filmed six years later, supports this theory.

ADVERT THREE: CHILDREN OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS (1993)

ACTION:

It's midnight on Bounty Island, and a perfect quarter moon hangs in the starry sky. A dark skinned girl lies on a branch over a silvery rock pool, stuffing her face with a Bounty. A muscled man with flowing black hair comes running through the surf towards her. Soon they are holding hands beneath a palm tree, and leaning in to kiss one another. A coconut falls from a high palm tree, then smashes and spilts perfectly on the rocks below, gushing moonlit coconut juice, a clear symbol for sexual intercourse. Back on the beach, the girl reclines on the man's chest, chewing on a post coital bar. They look bored, depressed and gorgeous.

ANALYSIS:

Ten years have passed since the Bounty Hunting commune was established. However, there is no longer any sign of their bamboo huts or any of the original founder members. Instead, what we could be seeing here are their last surviving children, who have lived their entire lives on the island. Their skin-tone suggests possible inter-breeding with the island's native tribe. There is a mix of sadness, insanity and animal arousal in their eyes as they perform the perpetual ritual of Bounty Hunting, Bounty eating and Bounty stimulated sex. Deviod of education and ignorant of the outside world, this is the only life they know. Inbreeding has meant that their siblings have long since perished. Now the two last Bounty Children live on the island like lab rats, visited only by the occasional camera crew, who capture their sad empty lives for the sake of selling Bounty Bars in the Western world.

POSTSCRIPT

It's no coincidence that in 1997 Mars changed the Bounty adverts entirely. The Bounty Hunters and their paradise island were never to be seen again. They were replaced by a new concept featuring a girl lying in Central Park eating a Bounty, the grass around her coming alive with miniature jungle animals. Perhaps the rumours and the risk of exposure were too much for the company to take. Rumours that the current adverts use genetically bred mini-animals rather than digital effects, are unsubstantiated.

© 1993-2005 The Idler | Designed by Noble Savage



im barry bethel

Quote from: Pseudopath on November 23, 2018, 11:57:54 AM
You've got to admire the brass balls (and production values) of 3's latest campaign: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP6Flfu42Qk

That made me laugh, especially the Henry VIII and Moses ones

Phil_A

The Plusnet guy is rapidly becoming my nemesis. It's now impossible to watch any non-BBC channels on Freeview without his intolerably chirpy presence invading your consciousness every twenty minutes.

I just put the TV on while typing that and less than a minute passed before he bloody popped up yet again. It's either him or the BT Broadband ad with Jimmy Nesbitt. No wonder live TV in the UK is dying on it's arse.

"Which is perfect if your phone buzzes and bleeps all the time..."

Phone's generally don't "bleep" any more mate, it's not 2003.

Icehaven

Quote from: Phil_A on December 01, 2018, 07:49:09 PM
The Plusnet guy is rapidly becoming my nemesis. It's now impossible to watch any non-BBC channels on Freeview without his intolerably chirpy presence invading your consciousness every twenty minutes.

I just put the TV on while typing that and less than a minute passed before he bloody popped up yet again. It's either him or the BT Broadband ad with Jimmy Nesbitt. No wonder live TV in the UK is dying on it's arse.

"Which is perfect if your phone buzzes and bleeps all the time..."

Phone's generally don't "bleep" any more mate, it's not 2003.

On the one with the white coats and the tube pumping things up, when he looks sneakily aside then it turns out he stuck his tongue in it, were we meant to think he was going to stick his old man in? As that's a bit much for teatime.

lgpmachine

Quote from: Phil_A on December 01, 2018, 07:49:09 PM
The Plusnet guy is rapidly becoming my nemesis. It's now impossible to watch any non-BBC channels on Freeview without his intolerably chirpy presence invading your consciousness every twenty minutes.

There seems to be a bit of a trend for northern accents being seen as trustworthy or wholesome; I think the Morrison's advert voiceovers are pitched along similar lines.

It's probably what they were going for here as well, but fuck knows who cleared that for transmission.

mothman

Don't know who that was but I'd swear he was in Game of Thrones at some point. Or maybe he just reminds me of Walder Frey.

Bazooka

Oh boy how I have missed getting angry at television, can't wait to see what advert delight awaits me when I'm back in the UK for Christmas.

the

Quote from: lgpmachine on December 01, 2018, 10:29:39 PMThere seems to be a bit of a trend for northern accents being seen as trustworthy or wholesome;

There was some market research done in the early nineties, publicised at the time, that asserted that people find northern accents 'more trustworthy'. This was shortly before Asda started doing their chummy suffocating Yorkshire eh-mums voiceovers.

Still, this now means that you can accurately identify which companies are the most desperate

Icehaven


Cuntbeaks

Cant remember the brand name, but a recent advert for sanitary towels that had revolutionary "side barriers", or "siberias" as the dyslexic cunt on the advert would say. It really, really, REALLY boiled my piss.

Cuntbeaks

I've said it before, but here am again as they are still on. Those fucking Trivento ads that bookend the adverts on Quest.

Words cannot fully express how much I want to choke all of those utter, utter cunts.

I have since boycotted the product.

im barry bethel

Quote from: the on December 02, 2018, 10:15:02 AM
There was some market research done in the early nineties, publicised at the time, that asserted that people find northern accents 'more trustworthy'.

Quote from: icehaven on December 02, 2018, 10:25:13 AM
And Scottish accents too, apparently.

Wasn't this partly the reason for all those customer service call centres locating in the north east and Scotland at the turn of the millennium, before they relocated further afield. If I remember the Birmingham and cockney accents were the least attractive/trustworthy

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on December 02, 2018, 02:36:14 PM
I've said it before, but here am again as they are still on. Those fucking Trivento ads that bookend the adverts on Quest.

They crop up on Discovery too, 10,000 feet and only one way down, be even quicker if I cut the cords on the fuckers parachute. That whole 90's white collar wine evening with not a single female present leads me to believe it's a gay bukkake gangbang

gilbertharding

The Plusnet guy is confusing. The one which I had to watch 123 times to work out that all the characters were supposed to be him. I don't fucking CARE.

Speaking of Game of Thrones (I have never seen it) though - I have to admire how much effort someone's put into the Vanquis Credit Card adverts. The juxtaposition of the accents and attitudes with the costume and setting. Makes me giggle. Reminds me of the old Boddington's Adverts, in a way.

Not buying their product though. I already have all the credit card I want or need.

gilbertharding

Quote from: im barry bethel on December 02, 2018, 03:21:54 PM
Wasn't this partly the reason for all those customer service call centres locating in the north east and Scotland at the turn of the millennium, before they relocated further afield. If I remember the Birmingham and cockney accents were the least attractive/trustworthy

Could be... The NHS Transplant people who call you about your appointment if you're a blood donor are from Northern Ireland somewhere. Something about them - every one of them with whom I've dealt - makes them seem like the NICEST people on the planet - and I get the impression they all feel exactly the same about me.

I don't know how they're training them. I know none of their customers will likely be horrible, or making a complaint, but whenever I speak to them I come off the phone feeling at least 50% better about myself.

mothman

Quote from: gilbertharding on December 03, 2018, 02:34:57 PM
Could be... The NHS Transplant people who call you about your appointment if you're a blood donor are from Northern Ireland somewhere. Something about them - every one of them with whom I've dealt - makes them seem like the NICEST people on the planet - and I get the impression they all feel exactly the same about me.

I don't know how they're training them. I know none of their customers will likely be horrible, or making a complaint, but whenever I speak to them I come off the phone feeling at least 50% better about myself.

It'll all end, of course. When we have the post-Brexit Troubles 2.0, Are Brive Boys are back over there, and the Iron BoJo is at the helm, people from Norn Ireland will go back to regarding everyone with suspicion.

Sebastian Cobb

I really don't like the amazon one with the girl growing up in a montage to Rod Stewart. Sentimental load of shite.

yesitsme

Are two banks running the 'I can't find my card' knobhead ads?

They're both pish either way.

Icehaven

Has there ever been a perfume ad that isn't a stereotypical perfume ad? And is it the only product that has never (intentionally anyway) used humour to sell it? Get Peter Kay and Chanel on the phone, we could be on to something original here.   

Chollis

Quote from: icehaven on December 04, 2018, 01:01:57 PM
Has there ever been a perfume ad that isn't a stereotypical perfume ad? And is it the only product that has never (intentionally anyway) used humour to sell it? Get Peter Kay and Chanel on the phone, we could be on to something original here.

ERR DO TOILET???!!

*rapturous applause*