Author Topic: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go  (Read 19761 times)

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #60 on: May 11, 2018, 10:40:42 AM »
I'm having a bit of trouble with the current Maltesers advert (actually, all the recent Maltesers adverts, if I think). But the one with the group of young women chatting round a table in one of those coffee bars they have now is especially troubling.

"I'm having trouble with this dating thing..." says one, looking at her phone.
"Awww, is it because you're a lesbian?" says another.

What? Why would being a lesbian give her trouble with 'this dating thing'? Unless she's trying to get a date with a man... which would be stupid. Do lesbians have more or less trouble than people of other sexual orientations in finding love? It's a smaller circle, I guess... but that cuts both ways. Perhaps the friend is just calling her a lesbian, in a homophobic way - which wouldn't be conscionable nowadays. It can't be that. This first woman must actually, therefore be a lesbian. So what can be the trouble then?

Ah - she's an accountant. That explains it - that's actually worse than being gay. Has she told her parents yet? LOL!! Fuck off.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #61 on: May 11, 2018, 11:48:09 AM »
I'm having a bit of trouble with the current Maltesers advert (actually, all the recent Maltesers adverts, if I think). But the one with the group of young women chatting round a table in one of those coffee bars they have now is especially troubling.

"I'm having trouble with this dating thing..." says one, looking at her phone.
"Awww, is it because you're a lesbian?" says another.

What? Why would being a lesbian give her trouble with 'this dating thing'? Unless she's trying to get a date with a man... which would be stupid. Do lesbians have more or less trouble than people of other sexual orientations in finding love? It's a smaller circle, I guess... but that cuts both ways. Perhaps the friend is just calling her a lesbian, in a homophobic way - which wouldn't be conscionable nowadays. It can't be that. This first woman must actually, therefore be a lesbian. So what can be the trouble then?

Ah - she's an accountant. That explains it - that's actually worse than being gay. Has she told her parents yet? LOL!! Fuck off.

I've seen that ad about 10 times now yet have consistently missed the first few seconds so didn't really get what they were on about (obviously don't care enough to youtube it) so cheers for clearing that up for me at least.   

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #62 on: May 11, 2018, 11:55:23 AM »
The mind boggles sometimes doesn't it?  For stuff like this to make its way from the anus of someone at Mars to our eyeballs there must have been a million discussions about tone, message, brand, storyboards, scripts and a zillion other things before this gets vomited in to your face.

I can only imagine the ideas that didn't make it when 'Malteasers - disgusting bits of chocolate coated polystyrene.' would have been a step up.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #63 on: May 11, 2018, 12:16:07 PM »
Can't be worse than the two annoying pretentious women pretending to know about theatre, or was that minstrels.

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #64 on: May 11, 2018, 12:34:31 PM »
I just saw that Maltesers ad and thought the same thing. The lesbian aspect is so obviously shoehorned in to make maltesers look all progressive and inclusive when in reality it's just patronising ("awwwww look at the cute little lesbian but hahahahaha accountant, GEEEEENIUS! I did not see that coming"). Not as patronising as that one with the woman who throws her Maltesers all over the table when she's telling that shit story.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #65 on: May 11, 2018, 01:16:25 PM »
I just saw that Maltesers ad and thought the same thing. The lesbian aspect is so obviously shoehorned in to make maltesers look all progressive and inclusive when in reality it's just patronising ("awwwww look at the cute little lesbian but hahahahaha accountant, GEEEEENIUS! I did not see that coming"). Not as patronising as that one with the woman who throws her Maltesers all over the table when she's telling that shit story.

Plus the long term slogan of Malteasers being the ''Lighter way to enjoy chocolate'' which has led us down this dark path of the ads having to be hi-larious comedy sketches (and also meant they're targeted entirely at women because, y'know, they're virtually diet products) is horseshit because they're far from the 'lightest' popular chocolate. Crunchies, Fry's Turkish Delights, Toffee Crisps, Ripples, Milky Ways, Milky Bars and Curly Wurlies to name but a few all have less fat and calories than a packet of Malteasers.

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #66 on: May 11, 2018, 01:23:03 PM »
Plus the long term slogan of Malteasers being the ''Lighter way to enjoy chocolate'' which has led us down this dark path of the ads having to be hi-larious (and also meant they're targeted entirely at women because, y'know, they're virtually diet products) is horseshit because they're far from the 'lightest' popular chocolate. Crunchies, Fry's Turkish Delights, Toffee Crisps, Milky Ways, Milky Bars and Curly Wurlies to name but a few all have less fat and calories than a packet of Malteasers.

It has only just occurred to me that it's only women in these ads. "There you go little lady eat these chocolate snacks in your cute little face you woman you". I fucking hate these ads more than any other right now. They are actually insulting.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #67 on: May 11, 2018, 01:37:15 PM »
A FAT-wah against Malteasers it is!

Incidentley I saw a programme years ago that said Toffee Crisp was the WORST thing you could ever eat because they're full of trans-fats.

I do not know what a trans-fat is but I know I like a toffee crisp.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #68 on: May 11, 2018, 01:39:57 PM »
It has only just occurred to me that it's only women in these ads. "There you go little lady eat these chocolate snacks in your cute little face you woman you". I fucking hate these ads more than any other right now. They are actually insulting.

Been like that for a while now. The only man I can remember seeing in one even vaguely recently is a few years back where a woman finds out her boyfriend's been cheating on her so when he turns up to meet her she does a whole scenario with Malteasers representing the two of them which ends in her chucking one across the room then telling him to do one (you go girl!!). They even used ballerinas in one ages ago, to sell chocolate ffs.

buttgammon

  • You can't trust a man what's made of gas
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #69 on: May 11, 2018, 01:48:48 PM »
I just saw that Maltesers ad and thought the same thing. The lesbian aspect is so obviously shoehorned in to make maltesers look all progressive and inclusive when in reality it's just patronising ("awwwww look at the cute little lesbian but hahahahaha accountant, GEEEEENIUS! I did not see that coming"). Not as patronising as that one with the woman who throws her Maltesers all over the table when she's telling that shit story.

Rather like those McCain's adverts, they are incredibly patronising. The fanfare around having (for example) lesbians, disabled people or one-parent families in their ads just draws attention to these things, as though they're somehow abnormal. If they wanted to be genuinely progressive, they could show these things as mundane facts of life, because that's what they are. But no, it's all about brand image and showing how cuddly they are. It's a bit like how during the campaign for a referendum on same-sex marriage in Ireland a few years ago, some companies tried very hard to jump on the bandwagon, and Ben and Jerry's were even offering free ice cream to people who voted 'yes.' There's a noticeable absence of that during the current abortion referendum campaign.

I love running with those ads a bit and imagining McCain's just want to imply all of the other companies that make chips are really bigoted, and Maltesers are waiting for a competitor to run an advert claiming association their product with a programme of eugenics.

Twed

  • Take a Key for Coming in!
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #70 on: May 11, 2018, 01:52:55 PM »
fat and calories than a packet of Malteasers.
It's the fat you're worried about in chocolate? That's about the only nutritionally-useful thing in it.

I think they mean lighter in the literal sense. Maltesers don't weigh much on scales. That sounds ridiculous, but remember the early-2000s ad with office workers blowing them around with straws?

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #71 on: May 11, 2018, 01:57:12 PM »
Can't be worse than the two annoying pretentious women pretending to know about theatre, or was that minstrels.

No, it was theatre.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #72 on: May 11, 2018, 02:01:31 PM »
Incidentley I saw a programme years ago that said Toffee Crisp was the WORST thing you could ever eat because they're full of trans-fats.

I do not know what a trans-fat is but I know I like a toffee crisp.

New Toffee Crisp advert:

"I'm having trouble getting anyone to eat me!"
"Awwww, is it because you're a trans-fat?"

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #73 on: May 11, 2018, 02:11:54 PM »
If they wanted to be genuinely progressive, they could show these things as mundane facts of life, because that's what they are.

Oh, well - your mileage may vary, as they say - because that's the precise reason I thought the McCains adverts were at least partly successful, in those terms.

I mean, considering it's an *!!aDvErT!!*, it was pretty low key about those issues, especially as it was the first time I can think of that those issues were aired on a mainstream advert.

It's advertising, so we're all being played somehow, right?

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #74 on: May 11, 2018, 03:14:17 PM »
Alpha Romeo has absolutely brutalised a perfect song that never needed covering at all ever. Chris Isaak Wicked Game done in a kind of more operatic vocal style. It's a FUCK OFF of the highest order.

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #75 on: May 11, 2018, 03:14:53 PM »
Oh, well - your mileage may vary, as they say - because that's the precise reason I thought the McCains adverts were at least partly successful, in those terms.

I mean, considering it's an *!!aDvErT!!*, it was pretty low key about those issues, especially as it was the first time I can think of that those issues were aired on a mainstream advert.

It's advertising, so we're all being patted on the head and treated like idiots somehow, right?

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #76 on: May 11, 2018, 04:35:35 PM »
Hey now.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #77 on: May 11, 2018, 05:53:29 PM »
Alpha Romeo has absolutely brutalised a perfect song that never needed covering at all ever. Chris Isaak Wicked Game done in a kind of more operatic vocal style. It's a FUCK OFF of the highest order.

Not seen this yet but I'm sure Wicked Game had the wispy girl voice treatment in adland not long ago, the bastards.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #78 on: May 12, 2018, 08:17:07 AM »
Rather like those McCain's adverts, they are incredibly patronising. The fanfare around having (for example) lesbians, disabled people or one-parent families in their ads just draws attention to these things, as though they're somehow abnormal. If they wanted to be genuinely progressive, they could show these things as mundane facts of life, because that's what they are. But no, it's all about brand image and showing how cuddly they are. It's a bit like how during the campaign for a referendum on same-sex marriage in Ireland a few years ago, some companies tried very hard to jump on the bandwagon, and Ben and Jerry's were even offering free ice cream to people who voted 'yes.' There's a noticeable absence of that during the current abortion referendum campaign.

I love running with those ads a bit and imagining McCain's just want to imply all of the other companies that make chips are really bigoted, and Maltesers are waiting for a competitor to run an advert claiming association their product with a programme of eugenics.

So-called disability. Fuck right off. You'll be setting the DWP on us next. I do occasionally eat McCain's stuff however, whereas I despise Maltesers with every fibre of my twisted, crippled being.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #79 on: May 12, 2018, 10:12:05 AM »
Actually speaking of the Mcains ads, the recent love themed one showing various couples happily reheating frozen foods together while Ricky Tomlinson narrates wistfully about the many different ways of love blah blah seems to be trying so hard to be all 2018 inclusive as possible by showing mixed race, older, ethnically diverse and disabled couples, yet there's no same-sex ones.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #80 on: May 12, 2018, 02:44:22 PM »

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #81 on: May 12, 2018, 11:51:25 PM »
Who is the shite rapper in the Beeb's cup final advert?

Dr Syntax Head

  • Empty alcohol
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #82 on: May 13, 2018, 08:05:09 PM »
Actually speaking of the Mcains ads, the recent love themed one showing various couples happily reheating frozen foods together while Ricky Tomlinson narrates wistfully about the many different ways of love blah blah seems to be trying so hard to be all 2018 inclusive as possible by showing mixed race, older, ethnically diverse and disabled couples, yet there's no same-sex ones.

It's trying too hard. But it's way better than the Maltesers ones that like to try and educate you. I hate them both.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #83 on: May 13, 2018, 08:31:09 PM »
I like to think that Bing is actually some guy in an office frantically Googling everything and trying his best.


mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #84 on: May 13, 2018, 11:45:42 PM »
Just noticed that the woman in the Shpock ad is selling a man’s bicycle. I like to think that in a couple of days, her recently-separated ex will get in touch saying he’d like to come round to get his bike, and she’ll just laugh.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #85 on: May 14, 2018, 12:14:50 AM »
I just saw that Maltesers ad and thought the same thing. The lesbian aspect is so obviously shoehorned in to make maltesers look all progressive and inclusive when in reality it's just patronising ("awwwww look at the cute little lesbian but hahahahaha accountant, GEEEEENIUS! I did not see that coming"). Not as patronising as that one with the woman who throws her Maltesers all over the table when she's telling that shit story.

They did a similar one with a woman in a wheelchair who told her mate about going to a wedding and they were having a laugh about the fact she accidentally crushed the bride's foot with her wheelchair - before proclaiming "still got the best man's number though!" One of the worst adverts I've seen for a long time. I also remember the one you're talking about at the end there, I think that was another girl in a wheelchair who was talking about having sex and then simulated the orgasm using the Maltesers. Another horrific one.

They're just really cringeworthy patronising attempts at appearing inclusive as you say, deliberately trying to make whatever individual of a minority group they put in it appear "normal" and up for a right good laugh.

EDIT: Found the one I was talking about - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPuw3wPNTto&t=11s

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #86 on: May 14, 2018, 07:21:57 AM »
They did a similar one with a woman in a wheelchair who told her mate about going to a wedding and they were having a laugh about the fact she accidentally crushed the bride's foot with her wheelchair - before proclaiming "still got the best man's number though!" One of the worst adverts I've seen for a long time. I also remember the one you're talking about at the end there, I think that was another girl in a wheelchair who was talking about having sex and then simulated the orgasm using the Maltesers. Another horrific one.

They're just really cringeworthy patronising attempts at appearing inclusive as you say, deliberately trying to make whatever individual of a minority group they put in it appear "normal" and up for a right good laugh.

EDIT: Found the one I was talking about - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPuw3wPNTto&t=11s

Apparently they're true stories, which makes it even worse. Maltesers are shit.

gilbertharding

  • Not even the rudest man in the Beatles
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #87 on: May 14, 2018, 03:31:39 PM »
The Poetry Bastards are back.

The Bloody Awful demotic Northern leftie one from the Nationwide. "Hopes, dreams, hoping dreaming, dreaming hoping. Votes for women. Black and white. The workhouse for you young fellow-me-lad. Mortgages for ordinary folk. By gum."

And the tough girl, leaning on the American car. Car's not for you. Big car's for small. Small's not your fool. Small's a great bunch of lads. Big's too big. Big small, small big. Small knows.

I think it's asking a lot for a mobile phone network to be cool and friendly. Half of them can't even provide decent network coverage all the time. I'm guessing the bigger the better is the rule there.

Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #88 on: May 14, 2018, 03:59:51 PM »
I think I've said Tesco Food Love Stories before but I'm saying 'em again because there's a cunt who makes his mum and dad something flat breads.

Tell you what y'wee prick.  Tidy your room, get a job and fuck off.

Mum and dad wish you were never born.

RoadMaintenanceTycoon

  • anyone can whistle, that's what they say
Re: Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go
« Reply #89 on: May 15, 2018, 01:06:19 AM »
I'm having a bit of trouble with the current Maltesers advert (actually, all the recent Maltesers adverts, if I think). But the one with the group of young women chatting round a table in one of those coffee bars they have now is especially troubling.

https://youtu.be/-98GDrJZk4E?t=7 listening on headphones it sounds like they dubbed the lesbian in the bit where she says 'almost like i'm being discriminated against or something'

can only imagine the agonising rounds of calculated tweaks and indecision this ad went through