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Cab Men II: Because fact into doubt won't go

Started by Fambo Number Mive, March 29, 2018, 09:48:16 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Jockice

Quote from: Jockice on June 21, 2019, 06:57:07 AM
Incidentally, the worst thing on TV (not just the worst advert. It's beyond that) is that Nationwide advert with irritating woman and stereotype gay best friend. If anyone ever phoned me up at 3 in the morning I can guarantee I will not be sharing sunrises with them. In fact they'll be lucky to ever see another one.


Everytime I see this advert I hate it more. This pair of bastards should be publicly executed.

That's all.

New page. And that's why I can share death wishes with you.

Sebastian Cobb

Brian Blessed doing Ladbrokes sponsorship ads for UKTV Gold. Shame on him

BritishHobo

Current shit ad with Dizzee Rascal shilling for Ladbrokes as well. Immediate lack of respect for any cunt advertising casinos or bookies - fuck you, Ronnie Corbett - but it's also unbearably 'quirky'.

imitationleather

Quote from: BritishHobo on July 14, 2019, 02:17:31 PM
Current shit ad with Dizzee Rascal shilling for Ladbrokes as well. Immediate lack of respect for any cunt advertising casinos or bookies - fuck you, Ronnie Corbett - but it's also unbearably 'quirky'.

Why is Dizzee Rascal delivering someone a Jalfrezi in that advert? Is it a cultural reference that's passed me by or just plain old nonsensical?

Ambient Sheep

Am enjoying Kim Wilde flogging that new Cadbury's Dark Milk stuff; pity about the company.

The Jason Donovan version, less so.

gilbertharding

James Dyson has a weird way of hoovering... striding diagonally across a room instead of standing still and moving the instrument back and forward in all directions before moving and repeating.

Also, if he's trying to channel the GTech Air Ram people, he's too wooden and a Border Collie short.

Also he's an absolute arsehole, even if his hoovers are (were) good.

the

OH LOOK, A HOLLYWOOD ACTOR HAS DESCENDED FROM THE FUCKING CLOUD THEY LIVE ON TO QUIRKILY ADVERTISE A MUNDANE PRODUCT IN THE LITTLE OLD UK.

AREN'T WE BLESSED? AREN'T. WE. BLESSED.

> THEY'VE BEEN IN FILMS, YOU KNOW <

ADORE THEM AND RESUME SHITMUNCHING ACTIVITIES

Gregory Torso

Have you all seen the bollocks compare the market whaevertthe fuck advert where the little rat is sitting in his dressing gown and the big computer rat comes on the TV and asks him if he wants to open his last viewed webpage and the rat sweats it because apparently moments before filming started he was sitting in that chair flogging his filthy little rat dick over some unspeakable cat-on-rat sex carrion, spunked all over the floor, cleaned it up with his tatty old wanking robe, climbed back into his wanking rat chair and stowed his grubby little rodent cock away, all while the big computer rat watched him, also wanking but in virtual reality hyperspace, like a randy Al from Quantum Leap punching cum out of his quivering pie because sam leapt into a vietnam war widow it's really doing it for him. This is fine, is it? This is a way for a company to advertise its services?

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: the on July 15, 2019, 11:11:02 AM
OH LOOK, A HOLLYWOOD ACTOR HAS DESCENDED FROM THE FUCKING CLOUD THEY LIVE ON TO QUIRKILY ADVERTISE A MUNDANE PRODUCT IN THE LITTLE OLD UK.

AREN'T WE BLESSED? AREN'T. WE. BLESSED.

> THEY'VE BEEN IN FILMS, YOU KNOW <

ADORE THEM AND RESUME SHITMUNCHING ACTIVITIES

70's - Taxi Driver
80's - King of Comedy
90's - Casino
2000's - Meet the Parents

2010's - Dirty Grandpa / Car insurance adverts.

Seems like a logical conclusion.



the

(It was a different ACTOR that spurred my tirade.)

But when you just don't buy into 'The Cult of ACTOR' (or their mimsy fucking career trajectories), the shit-eating transatlantic sycophancy of it all is painful to watch getting served up.

BUY 4G TEABAGGING INSURANCE

metaltax

It's divorce. De Niro splits from his wife and suddenly he's advertising Warburtons. Cleese gets taken to the cleaners and next thing you know he's pissing on the grave of Fawlty Towers for Specsavers.

Gregory Torso

"Dogs Have Hands Too".

FUCK, NO NO. Genuinely greases my spine with a weird icy panic, that idea. It's a sentence you'd expect to see painted in shit on a cell wall, or maybe written in blood on a mirror in a bathroom above a tub of severed postmans' fingers.
Dogs have hands... the horror. Here come the dogs with hands, knuckling along the pavement, dragging their toes. Your dog's cold little fingers flittering over your ankles under the bed covers as you look into its lipid, smugly knowing eyes, "I have hands now" they say.
Dogs clapping their naked babyfat hands together in excitement at a game of throw-the-child-skull-around-the-bone-pit.
Jack Russell yapping and poking you in the shin with its withered little monkey paws going "hey hey hey HEY"
Sticky little palm prints all over the front of the fridge where the dog with hands has been tapping its fingernails at night, divining peperamis.

Dogs with hands learn a rudimentary pictorial alphabet, carving obscene hieroglyphs on your hallway walls that communicate only the desire to fuck and kill and eat. There is no ambiguity now in the relationship between man and dog, no projection of soppy human chemical brain conceits like "love" or "loyalty". The dogs want to fuck, and kill things, and they have NO respect for your property.

"Dogs have hands and feet and willies!" screams a sales rep in Pets At Home. The insanity boils around us all, cats have beards and tattoos, guinea pigs have exhaust pipes, stick insects are paedophiles, it does not end. The pet industy collapses under the weight of all of this mad spiraling re-evaluation of animals' extremities.

Thanks for that, nightmare dog chew hand advert, THANKS.

Gulftastic

Captain Morgan is doing a range of bottles with novelty labels.

Here's the most S4C example:


mothman

OH FUCK. The ginger tosspot is advertising Heinz ketchup.

Pseudopath

Quote from: mothman on July 17, 2019, 08:34:36 PM
OH FUCK. The ginger tosspot is advertising Heinz ketchup.

We've already pulled this bastard apart a couple of pages ago:

Quote from: Pseudopath on June 19, 2019, 10:56:52 PM
Good news everyone. I think we've hit the bottom of the lake of tods: https://youtu.be/zuOSe96BiYE

Companies producing adverts entirely on the basis of stoned direct messages from pop stars. Fucking kill me. I demand it.

mothman


the

Quote from: Gulftastic on July 16, 2019, 08:07:08 PMCaptain Morgan is doing a range of bottles with novelty labels.

Here's the most S4C example:

     


Are they gonna do a 'Captain Butler' one with Craig Charles on the label

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Gregory Torso on July 15, 2019, 11:25:04 AM
Have you all seen the bollocks compare the market whaevertthe fuck advert where the little rat is sitting in his dressing gown and the big computer rat comes on the TV and asks him if he wants to open his last viewed webpage and the rat sweats it because apparently moments before filming started he was sitting in that chair flogging his filthy little rat dick over some unspeakable cat-on-rat sex carrion, spunked all over the floor, cleaned it up with his tatty old wanking robe, climbed back into his wanking rat chair and stowed his grubby little rodent cock away, all while the big computer rat watched him, also wanking but in virtual reality hyperspace, like a randy Al from Quantum Leap punching cum out of his quivering pie because sam leapt into a vietnam war widow it's really doing it for him. This is fine, is it? This is a way for a company to advertise its services?

The Maltesers ad with the disabled girl is more blatant than that one!  She explains that she had a seizure while she was wanking some guy's cock but he didn't mind because it made him cum and spurt his cum everywhere.  She mimes her wanking action using a bag of Maltesers, and the bag of Maltesers (cock) spurts cum (Maltesers) in the air and one of the other girls tries to catch some in her mouth.

Jockice

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 24, 2019, 07:44:47 PM
The Maltesers ad with the disabled girl is more blatant than that one!  She explains that she had a seizure while she was wanking some guy's cock but he didn't mind because it made him cum and spurt his cum everywhere.  She mimes her wanking action using a bag of Maltesers, and the bag of Maltesers (cock) spurts cum (Maltesers) in the air and one of the other girls tries to catch some in her mouth.

I'll say it again, as a disabled person my objection to this advert is the fucking Maltesers. Call me a cripple, mock my silly walk, do that 's*****c' face in front of me...but never ever accuse me of liking those vile honeycomb horrors.

imitationleather

The problem I had with that advert is that handjobs are hard enough for people to perform at the best of times, and what she was demonstrating there was one of the worst examples I have ever seen. No firm grip, no quickening rhythm, nothing that would reliably coax seed at all. If he managed to ejaculate from that he must have been some total filth merchant, or perhaps a teenage boy who had never felt a lady's touch before.

It's possible I was taking the wrong message from the ad, but it's what stuck with me.

Cerys

Quote from: Jockice on July 25, 2019, 07:36:11 AM
I'll say it again, as a disabled person my objection to this advert is the fucking Maltesers. Call me a cripple, mock my silly walk, do that 's*****c' face in front of me...but never ever accuse me of liking those vile honeycomb horrors.

Speaking as another disabled person, I love Malteasers.

THUNDERDOME!

gilbertharding

Quote from: imitationleather on July 25, 2019, 07:48:35 AM
The problem I had with that advert is that handjobs are hard enough for people to perform at the best of times, and what she was demonstrating there was one of the worst examples I have ever seen. No firm grip, no quickening rhythm, nothing that would reliably coax seed at all. If he managed to ejaculate from that he must have been some total filth merchant, or perhaps a teenage boy who had never felt a lady's touch before.

It's possible I was taking the wrong message from the ad, but it's what stuck with me.

Hold up - I get the distinction between having and getting one off the wrist - but surely 'hard enough at the best of times' isn't right?

Ambient Sheep

#622
Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 24, 2019, 07:44:47 PM
The Maltesers ad with the disabled girl is more blatant than that one!  She explains that she had a seizure while she was wanking some guy's cock but he didn't mind because it made him cum and spurt his cum everywhere.  She mimes her wanking action using a bag of Maltesers, and the bag of Maltesers (cock) spurts cum (Maltesers) in the air and one of the other girls tries to catch some in her mouth.

For anyone, like me, who wasn't entirely sure whether this was a wind-up or not, it's true, and can be seen here:

https://youtu.be/YgUqmKQ9Lrg

The wanking action is indeed a bit inept, but seems rather more accurate as to what a spasm might be like, which is after all the point. :-)

It's also nearly three years old... amazed it's escaped my attention that long!

EDIT: Apparently it got 92 complaints but not upheld.  Channel 4 donated £1m of free airtime for it.  Was apparently Mars' most successful campaign in years, giving the brand an 8.1% sales uplift whilst on air (over double the expected 4%).

Jockice

Quote from: Cerys on July 25, 2019, 01:08:47 PM
Speaking as another disabled person, I love Malteasers.

THUNDERDOME!

Traitor!

gilbertharding

I watched all the Rutger Hauer Guinness adverts on youtube yesterday. I'm amazed how few I remembered, considering how 'iconic' they apparently are (but then they are 30 years old...).

The second one with his 'identical twin' had stuck in my memory (we sound completely different), and I think the long version of 'I may be some time' was shown in the cinema. Obviously the Louis Armstrong one was incredible - I think they made a big splash of that at the time, taking up an entire ad break in TFI Friday, if I remember rightly.

The production values of the later ones still look pretty modern to me, which is impressive.

Icehaven

Until I watched Bladerunner in my mid 20s the Guinness ads were the only thing I think I'd seen him in. They were great though.

Captain Crunch

I couldn't stand more than a few of those but nice to see the Crystal Palace Dinosaur getting a bit of air time. 

mothman

Finding quite how craggy Sean Bean is in the Yorkshire Tea ad quite disconcerting. I don't think anybody'd begrudge him a nip'n'tuck or a spot of Botox. Though I'm not sure he hasn't already had something done - and it hasn't worked.


Icehaven

I know it's backslapping bollocks but I don't actually mind the new Channel 4 complaints one too much. The underlying message of "feel free to complain but this is exactly how seriously you'll be taken" is a nice antidote to the usual "your opinion is reeeally important to us honest" nonsense too.