Overly chatty train conductors

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Surely this is one thing that we can all get behind and join together in hatred of?

Last night I was on my commute to work and the conductor got on and managed to talk for what seemed like 5 minutes about our journey, to top it all off he was camper than a row of tents and thought he was a real wit. He even got into a bitchy exchange with a girl in the coach next to me which led to him making the following tannoy announcement:

"Hello again passengers we appear to have a blonde Princess riding with us today, alas she's become a bit mouthy and should watch what she's saying as there's a Queen on board too!"

Followed by an announcement bitching about her hair extensions and implying that she had on fake designer clothes.


Chatty train conductors can get in grave in general but this guy should be first in there.

[spamwangler]

im okay with this, - i dont much like that kind of thing, but any one of those full on dealing with members of the public type jobs must be upsetting and terrifying at times, and it seems that mostly train conductors seem to be a great bunch of people - if an occasional bit of tannoy based whimsy is all they need to push down the thoughts of just throwing every cunt off the train and smashing it into a bridge, then theyre doing better that i would in that job i recon.

maybe ive been on the wrong lines, but ive barely ever met a cunt train conductor (cuntductor) in years of train travel. seen plenty of them have to deal with greasy knobends and try to calm down screaming violent car-crash people whilst waiting for the cops to show up tho

[Replies From View]

What I can't stand are the train/tube announcers who believe themselves to be the very highlight of your day.

"Mind the gap if you don't want to fall into it!  Especially if you are on a first date!!  Embarrassing!!"

"Well, I'm sorry about this prolonged delay, these things are unavoidable unfortunately [followed by some shit jokes and awful singing to "cheer you up"]."


Stop trying to fill in the lovely silence with shit!  To top it off you get other passengers politely chuckling away even though the announcer isn't in the same room and won't have hurt feelings if you don't feign appreciation.  Be honest - sigh, say "for fuck's sake" and we won't have to all feel that we're the one grumpy person in the place.

[BlodwynPig]

When the catering manager lists all the items of food and drink on offer...just shut up, I'm reading a book.

[Replies From View]

When the catering manager lists all the items of food and drink on offer...just shut up, I'm reading a book.

"We serve hot and cold drinks.  NOT IN THE SAME CUP OF COURSE, LOL."

It's inhumane to be that much of a cunt when you have a captive audience.  You serve drinks or make train announcements.  Stop thinking you are in the entertainment business.

[BlodwynPig]

"We serve hot and cold drinks.  NOT IN THE SAME CUP OF COURSE, LOL."

Roast pheasant
A terrine of wild boar with a sprig of lavender
Otter's liver in a garlic mushroom minute
Saveloy

[Sebastian Cobb]

When the catering manager lists all the items of food and drink on offer...just shut up, I'm reading a book.

Had an overly-chirpy one of these do it after every stop.

[Camp Tramp]

I hate the patronising tones of the guy who voices the "See It, Say It, Sorted" adverts at the station.

[Brundle-Fly]

Not to derail thread (tee hee), I'm not sure where I stand on funny flight attendants announcements. I've only ever experienced them in America and it does put some people at ease. However, the thought of this happening on UK flights would fill me with more dread than sitting next to Richard Reid fiddling with his clown shoes.

[biggytitbo]

Should have wiped a bogey on the stupid ding dong.

[Janie Jones]

Surely this is one thing that we can all get behind and join together in hatred of?

Last night I was on my commute to work and the conductor got on and managed to talk for what seemed like 5 minutes about our journey, to top it all off he was camper than a row of tents and thought he was a real wit. He even got into a bitchy exchange with a girl in the coach next to me which led to him making the following tannoy announcement:

"Hello again passengers we appear to have a blonde Princess riding with us today, alas she's become a bit mouthy and should watch what she's saying as there's a Queen on board too!"

Followed by an announcement bitching about her hair extensions and implying that she had on fake designer clothes.


Chatty train conductors can get in grave in general but this guy should be first in there.

He's making light hearted derogatory personal comments about a customer? Is this in the U.K.? Because if she makes a complaint and there's a recording or witness, he's fucked. In fact, any customer who heard it could claim it made them uncomfortable or they found it objectionable. I'm surprised he felt entitled to speak like that over a tannoy.

[Replies From View]

ANNOUNCER:  Please mind the closing doors.  Please miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnd the clooooooooooooosing dooooooooooooooors!  :)

PASSENGERS:  Lol, wacky!!  :)

[Sebastian Cobb]

Not to derail thread (tee hee), I'm not sure where I stand on funny flight attendants announcements. I've only ever experienced them in America and it does put some people at ease. However, the thought of this happening on UK flights would fill me with more dread than sitting next to Richard Reid fiddling with his clown shoes.

Sod that.

Quite like it when they give someone a bollocking for not doing as they're told though.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

He's making light hearted derogatory personal comments about a customer? Is this in the U.K.? Because if she makes a complaint and there's a recording or witness, he's fucked. In fact, any customer who heard it could claim it made them uncomfortable or they found it objectionable. I'm surprised he felt entitled to speak like that over a tannoy.

It was the UK. I did think he was sailing close to the breeze with his bitchiness.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

There was this guy in uniform chatting to me on a coach.  Very nice chap.  He had to go at last, though; the bus needed steering.

[biggytitbo]

This one conductor we have, tubby man in his mid 50s, is really chatty with any woman under about 25, but is at best perfunctory with every other passenger.

[colacentral]

There's a woman I sometimes get on my trains who loves the sound of her own voice so goes above and beyond the information requirement in her neverending announcements (eg: we're coming into station X soon; now if you're going to Y, you'll want to go to platform 5, which is over the bridge as you turn left..." etc).This is compounded by the way the electronic station announcements repeat before and after every station, plus the addition of onboard shop announcements. It's annoying as fuck when I'm travelling two hours home on a thursday morning after a night shift and want to get some sleep in.

One day the train was delayed for an hour halfway through my journey. Some police got on and it turned out that there was some drunk bloke being a cunt and he needed kicking off. I'm assuming that he got sick of that woman's voice and told her to shut the fuck up as she walked past, as I've often had to restrain myself from saying it to her even without the influence of alcohol. So there you go, the mouthy cunt caused me to get home an hour late too.*

* Complete speculation.

[St_Eddie]

This one conductor we have, tubby man in his mid 50s, is really chatty with any woman under about 25, but is at best perfunctory with every other passenger.

That's pretty much the synopsis for every episode of On the Buses.

[Attila]

Not to derail thread (tee hee), I'm not sure where I stand on funny flight attendants announcements. I've only ever experienced them in America and it does put some people at ease. However, the thought of this happening on UK flights would fill me with more dread than sitting next to Richard Reid fiddling with his clown shoes.

Flying domestic in the USA makes me homicidal for many reasons -- but the comedy safety announcements and jolly bonhomie are right up there in the top 5. I just want to get from pillar to post, and would like to do that without someone singing to me about no smoking on the fight or whatever.

That said, I was not best pleased to discover Sunday that BA have switched to a comic-relief-style pre-flight safety video. Just tell me the stuff I need to know about where my nearest exits are and all that -- I do'nt need to see Famous British Actors and Comedians pretending that they are auditioning for a pre-flight-saftey video. Guy next to me was reacting to it as if it were an original by Aristophanes or something. Ugh.

[biggytitbo]

He's doing  it it now, didn't say a word to any other passenger but is now one way bantering with a rosey cheeked girl.

[idunnosomename]

"We serve hot and cold drinks.  NOT IN THE SAME CUP OF COURSE, LOL."

2 drinks 1 cup?!?

[shiftwork2]

A long time ago there was a Piccadilly line driver who would run down the evening's TV highlights.  On Fridays he would pepper his listings with 'help yourself to a vodka and tonic before watching...'.  It was a suggestion for living.  I quite liked it as his telly taste was exemplary.

Have you ever noticed, right.  Have you ever noticed the conductor or train manager or whatever rarely familiarises himself with the list of stations before getting on the intercom?  The fucking pauses, made much worse because everyone knows the route better than he seemingly does.  Enraging.  Brass hand etc

[the]

"I am Colin Hunt with a captive audience, now be subjected to me"

I was on a train once where the Tannoy Hunt announced our impending arrival at the wrong stations because he was so absorbed with being an obnoxious chuckle tyrant. Thank god for anti-cunt headphones.

They're like a cinema advert's attempt to make you laugh.

[Janie Jones]

It was the UK. I did think he was sailing close to the breeze with his bitchiness.

That's astonishing. Surely no one with a customer facing role thinks it's ok to make bitchy comments about a customer's hair and clothes? I can only think he knew the woman and she was in on it.

I have a friend who is a nurse in Great Ormand Street Hospital who gets up at some ungodly hour to commute to work by train and tube and she gets a lot of pleasure from the banter of the train drivers who have quotes and bits of poetry ready to share with the passengers, she repeats a lot of it on social media. I just thought I'd post another point of view as most people on this thread seem to be of the view that public transport Bantz are worse than AIDS but there are people who like it.

Attila's description of wacky safety info made me shudder, though. I once stayed in a boutique hotel whose statutory safety notices said something like, 'Boring Note number 6. Yeah we know it's a pain but if you hear the fire alarm, right, here's what you guys need to do, licketty spit...' The buttock-clenching horror of that has never left me. Again, I'm surprised it's ok because if English isn't your first language (hardly unlikely in a London hotel) surely you need short, clear instructions, not a load of faux-pally whimsy to be the last thing you read before perishing in a smoke filled corridor.

[jobotic]

I did like the guy years ago who announced each stop cheerily

"This is Sellinge. Hello Sellinge!"

"This is faversham. Hello Faversham!"

until

"Sittingbourne".

[Sebastian Cobb]

I reckon the time of day would play heavily on how much this would annoy me. Mornings are sombre occasions and should be treated as such.

[Replies From View]

I did like the guy years ago who announced each stop cheerily

"This is Sellinge. Hello Sellinge!"

"This is faversham. Hello Faversham!"

until

"Sittingbourne".

And did he say "Hello Sittingbourne!"?

[Blinder Data]

Usually it's a pleasant and necessary reminder that they're human beings and not faceless drones, but there is a fine line and the wanker in the OP seems to have crossed it

[Paul Calf]

You know who else doesn't like the servants having too much to say for themselves?

Ricky Gervais.

[Replies From View]

Usually it's a pleasant and necessary reminder that they're human beings and not faceless drones, but there is a fine line and the wanker in the OP seems to have crossed it

I'm not interested in the reminder that they are super entertaining when they are out with their mates after work; that's their own narcissism.  If they want a "look at me" type job they should audition for kids telly, and if that doesn't work out stop believing they are doing anyone a favour with it.

On public transport I'd gladly be respectfully driven by computer in silence if safety wasn't an issue.