Overly chatty train conductors

[Glebe]

What could be worse than an overly chatty train conductor?



New page I'm sorry I'm a twat.

[Replies From View]

I don't mind a talkative train if the face is on the front so I can't hear it.  I assume Thomas and Pals don't have an internal speaker system.

[Fambo Number Mive]

I'm not interested in the reminder that they are super entertaining when they are out with their mates after work; that's their own narcissism.  If they want a "look at me" type job they should audition for kids telly, and if that doesn't work out stop believing they are doing anyone a favour with it.

On public transport I'd gladly be respectfully driven by computer in silence if safety wasn't an issue.

Exactly, there are enough narcissistic Legend Gary passengers without the drivers joining in. Really, buses and trains should be silent apart from quiet conversation.

Buses in Oxford used to play the radio through speakers on the top deck. Ugh.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Safety isn't an issue. It's the unions.

They certainly have the technology to announce the upcoming stop so unless there's a fire or something the conductor has no business getting on the mic.

[the]

I'd gladly be respectfully driven by computer

     

[Paul Calf]

These fucking underlings should be seen and not heard. Who do they think they are anyway? Can't they just do their crushing, monotonous jobs in silence and stop reminding me that they're human?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

These fucking underlings should be seen and not heard. Who do they think they are anyway? Can't they just do their crushing, monotonous jobs in silence and stop reminding me that they're human?

Self-Righteous Cant.  I know they're human, they don't need to spout a load of unfunny bollocks to prove it. The passengers on the train are also humans on their way home from their own monotonous jobs, they're not at fucking Butlins waiting to be entertained by the fucking redcoats.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

I don't mind the occasional bit of dry wit from the conductor lads but the obvious stage school types who think they're stand-ups are fucking well annoying.  Almost always on Virgin trains, obvz. 

[marquis_de_sad]

These fucking underlings should be seen and not heard. Who do they think they are anyway? Can't they just do their crushing, monotonous jobs in silence and stop reminding me that they're human?

Train drivers are skilled workers on a comparatively high salary. Not sure what your patronising comments are supposed to achieve.

[Danger Man]

Train drivers are skilled workers on a comparatively high salary.

If that train driver I sometimes have a drink with down the pub isn't bullshitting then he's putting £70,000 a year away doing a day's overtime most weeks. Which makes him work five days a week.

[Blinder Data]

If that train driver I sometimes have a drink with down the pub isn't bullshitting then he's putting £70,000 a year away doing a day's overtime most weeks. Which makes him work five days a week.

https://www.tuc.org.uk/join-union

[Sebastian Cobb]

https://www.tuc.org.uk/join-union

Always fucks me off when people express indignation about how much train drivers are paid in contrast to say, teachers or nurses as if the obvious solution is to lower the drivers' wages to ensure they're getting fucked over as well.

[Replies From View]

Always fucks me off when people express indignation about how much train drivers are paid in contrast to say, teachers or nurses as if the obvious solution is to lower the drivers' wages to ensure they're getting fucked over as well.

How about they can keep their money if they shut the fuck up for once.

[Ferris]

I quite like it. There's a chap who drives the 501 streetcar in a straight line down queen street. He always thanks people for getting onboard, and promises passengers "the scenic route".

It's just good natured fun. You'd need to be a right miserable bugger not to go for this.

[Attila]

That's astonishing. Surely no one with a customer facing role thinks it's ok to make bitchy comments about a customer's hair and clothes? I can only think he knew the woman and she was in on it.

I have a friend who is a nurse in Great Ormand Street Hospital who gets up at some ungodly hour to commute to work by train and tube and she gets a lot of pleasure from the banter of the train drivers who have quotes and bits of poetry ready to share with the passengers, she repeats a lot of it on social media. I just thought I'd post another point of view as most people on this thread seem to be of the view that public transport Bantz are worse than AIDS but there are people who like it.

Attila's description of wacky safety info made me shudder, though. I once stayed in a boutique hotel whose statutory safety notices said something like, 'Boring Note number 6. Yeah we know it's a pain but if you hear the fire alarm, right, here's what you guys need to do, licketty spit...' The buttock-clenching horror of that has never left me. Again, I'm surprised it's ok because if English isn't your first language (hardly unlikely in a London hotel) surely you need short, clear instructions, not a load of faux-pally whimsy to be the last thing you read before perishing in a smoke filled corridor.

If you would like to 'enjoy' the BA safety video, enjoy -- some googling shows that they've been running it since last July

http://mediacentre.britishairways.com/pressrelease/details/86/2017-228/8663

http://www.businessinsider.com/british-airways-safety-video-comic-relief-funny-2017-7

[Fambo Number Mive]

These fucking underlings should be seen and not heard. Who do they think they are anyway? Can't they just do their crushing, monotonous jobs in silence and stop reminding me that they're human?

I imagine most of the people traveling do difficult jobs as well, and would like a bit of silence as a break between their stressful jobs and their hectic home lives.

You don't get A&E workers having Legend Gary banter with the people sitting bleeding in the waiting room.

[shiftwork2]

Live update: "would anyone like anything off the trolley, before I go off mine?" [last bit muttered]

I think we can all agree that was acceptable.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Live update: "would anyone like anything off the trolley, before I go off mine?" [last bit muttered]

I think we can all agree that was acceptable.

One I definitely enjoyed was coming back from the train was a deadpan southern conductor on the way back from bestival.

'Hi I'm you're conductor, I'm probably not going to come down the train to be honest thanks to the overcrowding from all the revellers returning from bestival. Sorry about that.'

[oopett]

What I can't stand are the train/tube announcers who believe themselves to be the very highlight of your day.

"Mind the gap if you don't want to fall into it!  Especially if you are on a first date!!  Embarrassing!!"

"Well, I'm sorry about this prolonged delay, these things are unavoidable unfortunately [followed by some shit jokes and awful singing to "cheer you up"]."


Stop trying to fill in the lovely silence with shit!  To top it off you get other passengers politely chuckling away even though the announcer isn't in the same room and won't have hurt feelings if you don't feign appreciation.  Be honest - sigh, say "for fuck's sake" and we won't have to all feel that we're the one grumpy person in the place.

Can see where you're coming from -- but if I was stuck being a tube announcer (let's be honest, it's unlikely a lot of people choose it) I'd probably want to do stupid semi-spontaneous stuff to keep a shred of sanity too, even if it wasn't funny and pissed people off...

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Can see where you're coming from -- but if I was stuck being a tube announcer (let's be honest, it's unlikely a lot of people choose it) I'd probably want to do stupid semi-spontaneous stuff to keep a shred of sanity too, even if it wasn't funny and pissed people off...

Like that Not the Nine O'clock News Grandstand football results announcer.

[Replies From View]

Can see where you're coming from -- but if I was stuck being a tube announcer (let's be honest, it's unlikely a lot of people choose it) I'd probably want to do stupid semi-spontaneous stuff to keep a shred of sanity too, even if it wasn't funny and pissed people off...

Why?

Throughout this thread I've said all I want to say on this topic anyway.  They haven't been given a microphone to entertain people.  That isn't their job.  They have not been given a microphone as a gift, to use as they wish on account of being the funniest person ever.  So they shouldn't be using it for that.  In fact they should be given express instructions not to use it for that purpose, and staff who do should be disciplined for it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Train drivers are skilled workers on a comparatively high salary. Not sure what your patronising comments are supposed to achieve.

I think Paul Calf was making that same point sarcastically.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

My vital hot take is that one remark is fine but if you try and crowbar in something in every announcement and/or can't shut the fuck up for 10 minutes straight you're forcing your wit on others which given everyone is stuck on a train and can't escape it is a migration into knobheadville.

[St_Eddie]