Putting your foot in it like a proper fucking prannock

[Brundle-Fly]

My girlfriend made a clunker on holiday awhile ago. We were visiting a small zoo in Australia that mainly dealt in reptiles and creepy crawlies. In the snake house, the guide was showing us various cobras and mambas while handling a particularly fidgety python. He remarked that even though he is used to all the critters, one still has to be vigilant with snakes as does anyone else living in this part of the world.

We noticed his bare forearms were covered with loads of puncture marks and scars and my other half commented, "I can see you've taken quite a few bites over the years" to which he replied with a chuckle, "Of course, the other hazard of living in Australia is skin cancer."

[Replies From View]

Crack on, but it's definitely a gag from a Ben Elton stand-up from the 90s. I have the DVD.

'Wankwatch' suggests that wanking is being watched, though.  Which is to misunderstand what was happening in Baywatch.

Ben Elton is shit innee.

[Kane Jones]

'Wankwatch' suggests that wanking is being watched, though.  Which is to misunderstand what was happening in Baywatch.

Ben Elton is shit innee.

Baywank makes less sense to me. Wankwatch to me means wank/watch. Like wank while you watch. Makes sense. Ben's shit now, but I still love his stand-up from the 80s to mid-90s (not to mention Blackadder, The Young Ones, etc).

[Small Man Big Horse]

So did said dad go on to watch Bay/Wankwatch?

But of course, hypocrisy was the big thing in Surrey back then.

Crack on, but it's definitely a gag from a Ben Elton stand-up from the 90s. I have the DVD.

It was when the series first aired, so it's possibly he came up with it on his own. Or Ben Elton has bugs planted in the houses of children to steal comedic material from them. Either way you've ruined the story for me!

[Replies From View]

Baywank makes less sense to me. Wankwatch to me means wank/watch. Like wank while you watch. Makes sense. Ben's shit now, but I still love his stand-up from the 80s to mid-90s (not to mention Blackadder, The Young Ones, etc).

I just think 'Baywank' sounds funnier.  Of all the places to wank, a bay would probably be the least convenient to get to, so it's just a funny line of thought.

Makes no sense as a description of Baywatch, but I like to move goalposts around to match what I think at any given time.  So therefore I am right.

Incidentally if you rewatch Ben Elton's stand-up from the 80s to the mid-90s you will realise you no longer like it.

[Kane Jones]

Either way you've ruined the story for me!

Sincere apologies, that wasn't my intention.

I like to move goalposts around to match what I think at any given time.

I know, and that's why I love you.

[Brundle-Fly]

Or Ben Elton has bugs planted in the houses of children to steal comedic material from them.

Which makes me think of this Baywatch/wanking/planted bugs related story

http://legendsrevealed.com/entertainment/2012/08/18/did-a-british-hidden-camera-show-accidentally-catch-a-man-in-a-compromising-position/

[Small Man Big Horse]

Sincere apologies, that wasn't my intention.

Ah I was just messing, and I do still know the person in question so I shall contact him asap to discover whether or not he was a joke thief.

[momatt]

I just think 'Baywank' sounds funnier.  Of all the places to wank, a bay would probably be the least convenient to get to, so it's just a funny line of thought.

"Wankin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be wankin' when the evenin' comes
Watchin' the ships roll in
Then I watch 'em roll away again
I'm wankin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide, roll away
I'm wankin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' cum..."

[Brundle-Fly]

Ah I was just messing, and I do still know the person in question so I shall contact him asap to discover whether or not he was a joke thief.

Let it go. The funny bit is that he said wank in front of his pious father.

[Kelvin]

This thread has started eating itself.

[Replies From View]

This thread has started eating itself.

Feet being put into themselves.  For easy stowage.

[zomgmouse]

On lunch break. Go to order food. "So where do you work?" I answer. Then very very nearly say: "How about you?" Where do you, the person at their job serving me food right now, work? Huh? Where is it that you work? Fuck's sake.

[shh]

Even though it reveals to the person that you're unthinkingly asking based purely on social reflexes it would have been quite amusing for them I think, so long as you don't sound too sarky. We all know 99% of our social interactions is only acting on some level (or is that just me).

I remember talking to a Chinese person who was asking about my family etc. I then asked them if they had any brothers of sisters. Er, no actually, they mumbled. The conversation moved on to some of the old buildings in town - eg the church. They were surprised that people go to these places, as people in China aren't religious. Is that because you're not allowed, I ask. I can only hope my blithe tone of voice convinced them I wasn't being deliberately provocative.

[ollyboro]

Baywatch was referred to as Snatchwatch round my parts.

[Ian Drunken Smurf]

we were somewhat surprised to be presented with a short Vietnamese man who had been sadly blinded in the war playing some sort of Casio keyboard.

After a long day I understood that as being that he was blinded while playing the keyboard during the war. Must have been following "Steve McFadden's Cold War" on twitter too closely.

[saltysnacks]

I was at college talking to a friend about North and South Korea. He was a military history and general history buff and was also incredibly short (about 5'1-5'2), he's still both I imagine. I had heard something about there being guards stationed at the border to intimidate the other nation's guards and I pointed out that North Koreans are a few inches shorter than South Koreans, so had a good chuckle at the notion of short people intimidating anyone. It took me about 2 minutes of emphasising this point, whilst chuckling to myself, before I realised and then started to awkwardly think of anything to say about the Kim Dynasty. He looked absolutely ruined, he was incredibly sensitive about his height.

To be honest, I was being a bit of an arsehole anyway, making fun of both malnutrition and a physical feature.

[dmillburn]

In the mid 90s I was doing an evening course at the local college and another young lad on the course used to kindly give me an lift in and back. I was taking driving lessons at the time, and once on the way in the conversation turned to what car I wanted to get once I passed my test. "Not that bothered" I responded, "as long as it's not some fucking shitty granny car like a Fiesta or Polo". It was at that point I realised that the car that I was currently sat in was, of course, a Fiesta and I was dissing his pride and joy. I tried to style it out as a deliberate joke but I was fooling no one.

In my defense I knew nothing about cars, and his was a new one so a different body shape to the ones I was used to seeing, but he was still understandably mightily pissed off st me slagging  him off whilst giving me a lift.