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Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, April 16, 2018, 01:49:39 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Desolation III: https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,58360.0.html



Maude tuts as a disabled man is allowed to board a bus ahead of her.

dex

A start up VPN allows too much questionable access for Mitch.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A mortgage broker must spend an afternoon dredging tapeworms from his anus, all the while watching £8,000s worth of business drift away to a competitor. Yes, watching. He has visual access to the retail unit across the street via a slat.

poo

"Daaad, Gramps has done another whoopsie."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A death largely results from a confusing latch.

SteveDave

Roy Wood proudly declares himself lactose intolerant to his three cats: Baby, Jive and Seemy.

Spoon of Ploff

Simon returns home to find his mum has taken all his Steeley Dan albums to her local charity shop because 'they were taking up too much space in the living room.'

Gregory Torso

A tiny dogshit effigy of Jacob Rees-Mogg turns out to be the only thing of any value on the Scunthorpe edition of Antiques Roadshow.

dex

Andrew lives for the day when he gets to inherit a lathe from the school workshop whilst renovations go on. Fat chance of that. The cancer has spread too fast and to vastly for him to last the week.

dex

Dane Bowers opens a Greggs branch in Milton Keynes.

GentleJoshing

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on April 16, 2018, 03:31:32 PM
Simon returns home to find his mum has taken all his Steeley Dan albums to her local charity shop because 'they were taking up too much space in the living room.'
Starts humming "The Things I Miss the Most". PS. See avatar

spamwangler

Where are we going dad?

'Beachy head. Hush now'


Bazooka

A bloated boy makes a friend in an escaped convict.

spamwangler

the vicar looks apon a tearful, expectant congregation, wracks his brains



"Bernard, ., . Bernard was . . mediocre, EXTREMELY mediocre, BALL ACHINGLY SO"


Shoulders?-Stomach!


East of Eden

An aging cafe owner overhears two regulars gleefully mocking the couple of small paintings on the wall. He musters a toothless smile as they finish up, leaving a handsome tip. He carefully reaches up and takes the paintings down. "Father was right, painting isn't for halfwits like me." He carries them under each arm into the utility cupboard, turning them to face the wall. No-one will ever see his baroque scat orgy watercolours again.

Gregory Torso

A corroded daddy cow is riven on an industrial band saw to provide beef scrap sarnies for the IT department's annual twig-picking excursion.

Ferris


Gregory Torso

A butcher wins ten quid on the Grand National and over-enthusiastically fosbury flops over a hydraulic fat slicer into a basket of puckered arseholes.

dex

Quote from: Gregory Torso on April 17, 2018, 04:38:14 AM
A butcher wins ten quid on the Grand National and over-enthusiastically fosbury flops over a hydraulic fat slicer into a basket of puckered arseholes.

+1 Karma!

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A "genesis device" constructed from - among other items - a bit of old glans, malfunctions on a dual carriageway.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

"Middle names... come on middle names


Hmmm just something

Come on


Ah - Gary"

Spoon of Ploff

A Stretch Armstrong loses a limb...  in the shadows someone chuckles.

A red faced couple decide to flip a coin on who gets to keep Billy... it lands in a fresh puddle of the sickly child's vomit.

ollyboro

After putting on a load of weight a dedicated incontinence sufferer is alarmed to discover PJ Hughes have discontinued his favoured elastic waisted, wet look, piss coloured slacks.

Bazooka

A budding amateur inventor builds a working time machine by accident, he travels back to see his own birth, only to press a couple of wrong buttons causing him and the machine to land on top of his mum, killing everything.

Neville Chamberlain

A 41-year-old man discovers that he knows nobody of sufficient professional seniority to countersign his passport application.

madhair60

A middle-aged shut-in is so frightened by his own ejaculation that his neighbours call 999.

spamwangler

Quote from: Bazooka on April 17, 2018, 12:03:45 PM
A budding amateur inventor builds a working time machine by accident, he travels back to see his own birth, only to press a couple of wrong buttons causing him and the machine to land on top of his mum, killing everything.

fuck me, i found this one harrowing for some reason

Stoneage Dinosaurs

A urophiliac's first sexual experience with an understanding partner is scuppered by his inability to relieve himself while in the presence of other people

Dannyhood91

A Craig David bedspread from 2001, upon which rests a single, pathetic, unhealthy turd.