Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[Bazooka]

A budding doctor from a war torn country fails to pass the final medical exam for the 3rd time in a row by saying the large intestine is the longest of the two.

[Bazooka]

A poor fuck consumes an entire pack of raw diced turkey at his parents funeral, reduced £1.67.

[SteveDave]

A blind children is given new eyes by James Corden

[Bazooka]

A 94 year old ta D-Day veteran takes out a Wonga loan in order to buy a Boots meal deal.

[Gregory Torso]

A squealing ball of pigs descends upon Holmfirth.

[pancreas]

A squealing ball of pigs descends upon Holmfirth.

Onto a finishing school for debutantes.

[ollyboro]

An impotent fish fryer with chronic diarrhoea is rehoused in a pebble dashed semi.

[spamwangler]

A wheezing 'cuck' collapses  out of a failed Gaschamberio in the newly kekistani occupied Isle of White, leading to a humiliated DDOS attack on a silicon valley based new age themed DIY euthanasia paraphernalia webstore (Putting the 'you' back in 'youthanasia', the music on the promotional video is Go Your Own Way)

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A previously unnoticed skin blemish causes a frit heifer to topple off a docked ferry.

[Glebe]

A sock learns to do sums but gets nervous during it's exams and flops dreadfully.

[The Bumlord]

A retired court security guard staples a dead wasp to his meatus.

[The Bumlord]

A disappointed mother attempts to force her screaming 12 year old son back up where he came from.

First orgasm for Becky in six years.

[Spoon of Ploff]

The inhabitants of a three mile wide fatberg floating in the Thames estuary declare independence from the UK.

[The Bumlord]

An estranged father finally reconnects with his adult son in a tearful birthday reunion. A month later they drive to the old town, and step out to view the old family home, where Linda, wife and mother, succumbed to that mass inside her brain all those years ago.

They don't need to speak. They understand each other.

Pulling out of the avenue, the car is hit by a speeding Argos HGV, causing what police later describe as 'life-changing' injuries.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A man called Bongle makes a pathetic attempt to establish a cryptocurrency.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

An 18 year old student escapes a deadly explosion in a Preston shopping centre which kills 31 people and injures 141. After checking in as "safe" on Facebook she receives 1 message , from her dad.

"give a shit"

[Twit 2]

The approbation a carpenter receives after having made a paedophile their dream nonce barn is cancelled out by finding his raped daughter's viscera in the fags and crisps infested ditch round the back of Budgen's.

[Cuellar]

John wanks into a haddock.

[ollyboro]

A suicidal van driver's call for help during Talksport's Alan Brazil show is cut off by an advert for The Alan Brazil Show.

[spamwangler]

What have you been upto today dear?


Shivering on the bed trying to come up with a better answer to that question he thinks

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A segment of hard standing can't mask the emptiness of Lawrence's existence, but he really thought it might.

[derek stitt]

A militant group of Ricky Gervais supporting students answer every question in University Challenge with a Joey Deacon impression.

[Dannyhood91]

My dream three way is with Alexa and Siri

[ollyboro]

Whilst reminiscing about the only notable moment in his entire life, a fifty two year old man notices the dried spunk on the ribbon of his Jim'll Fix It badge for the first time.

[The Bumlord]

A wayward 70s child is fucked and beaten by a businessman in an underpass.

[Glebe]

Norman of Skegness runs out of toilet paper and uses an expensive doily.

[Ferris]

Brian expires.

[Glebe]

Orville from Keith Harris and Orville spies Rush Hour 2 in a Poundstretcher bargain bin, but huffs about the £1.49 price to the shy girl at the checkout.

[Gregory Torso]

Ronny Hazlehurst aggressively composes some new music for the Last Of The Summer Wine in his head as he stuffs the body of a hitchhiker into a culvert on the Yorkshire moors

[Glebe]

Ronny Hazlehurst aggressively composes some new music for the Last Of The Summer Wine in his head as he stuffs the body of a hitchhiker into a culvert on the Yorkshire moors

Karma.