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Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, April 16, 2018, 01:49:39 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petril

the real New Jack jumps off a balcony to a crowd of forty disinterested souls for a hundred dollars. He is fifty five and needs this.

New Jack

Someone implies I'm fictional online!

PlanktonSideburns

Chris only likes music made by 'fit birds'

PlanktonSideburns

The baleful howling sound of a nearby stag do haunts an impressionable child for several years following

PlanktonSideburns

It becomes apparent that the 'single ladies in his area' are all bots

This comes as something of a relief. He continues to male the monthly payments

PlanktonSideburns

A local characters laptop is paraded through the culdisac by a audibly fizzing lynch mob

Wele see how fucking perfect you are son, well fucking see

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on August 15, 2018, 09:37:37 PM
The baleful howling sound of a nearby stag do haunts an impressionable child for several years following

That child grows up to be L to the E to the G to the E to the N to the D GAREEEEEEEE

Stoneage Dinosaurs

A builder is contracted to carry out construction of the new MinecraftLand theme park, and spends the next decade of his life painstakingly carving several hectares of the English countryside into perfect cubes. When the theme park finally opens it lasts a mere week due to a lack of Minecraft fans physically fit enough to walk around a theme park.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

It's House Party time at the Centrists

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feelin
Toploader - Dancing In the Moonlight
Daft Punk - Get Lucky
Madonna - Music
R Kelly - Remix to Ignition
Pharrell Williams - Happy
Take That - Shine
Mumford and Sons - I Will Wait
The Beatles - Hey Jude
Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
Gabrielle - Out of Reach
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Savage Garden - To the Moon and Back
Queen - We Will Rock You
Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
The Killers - Somebody Told Me




New Jack

2,136,528 people like Mock the Week on Facebook

Cancer Research UK has 1,552,753

Stoneage Dinosaurs


Ferris

 A singalong to the Lighthouse Family

Ketted out your consciousness on the pissy floor of a warehouse in Edmonton. The rave finished two weeks ago.

the midnight watch baboon

A Jamie Oliver lookalike runs a Jamie Oliver cookalong.

Nine die.

the midnight watch baboon

Mark daubs HURT NO MORE on to a Specsavers billboard with the underjuice of a crushed gutter pigeon. In Luton.

New Jack

Quote from: Foggy Buntwhistle on August 16, 2018, 11:39:42 AM
NOT ketted out your consciousness on the pissy floor of a warehouse in Edmonton. The rave finished two weeks ago.

Fixed for even more Desolation

Twit 2

A Lev Shestov fan develops gangrene on a ledge.

Glebe

Mark Vegetables spends his weekends rearranging a squirrel in the parlour.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A felisgender slug leaves a trail of shart on a park bench

A broken slug spells out the word "CUNT" on Harry's brand new double glazed french doors.

Berthas Fat Leg

A pezzled ectomorph is trebucheted into a defunct phonebox.

Berthas Fat Leg

An alderman falls into yet another choirboy.

petril

Paul's pub talk almost entirely centres on the Green Claws Cinematic Universe

Twit 2

A man who knows most of the dialogue to Enter the Dragon by heart is swept out to sea.

A German toddler drowns softly in the family pool while the father watches self-fisting videos on a cum-rusted deckchair.

When he notices, he attempts to cry but realises he used his tears up seeing how close his face could get to the bleached toilet bowl.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 15, 2018, 10:35:59 PM
It's House Party time at the Centrists

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feelin
Toploader - Dancing In the Moonlight
Daft Punk - Get Lucky
Madonna - Music
R Kelly - Remix to Ignition
Pharrell Williams - Happy
Take That - Shine
Mumford and Sons - I Will Wait
The Beatles - Hey Jude
Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
Gabrielle - Out of Reach
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication
Ed Sheeran - The A Team
Savage Garden - To the Moon and Back
Queen - We Will Rock You
Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
The Killers - Somebody Told Me

At the end of the evening the gather round the campfire. The hostess, Dame Margaret Hodge, is ushered into the centre of the gathering. They all rise and sing "You're Beautiful" in her honour.

Glebe

Orville the Duck is arrested for attempted robbery of a Tesco Express in Haversham.

Ferris

Quote from: Glebe on August 17, 2018, 08:16:37 PM
Orville the Duck is arrested for attempted robbery of a Tesco Express in Haversham.

A day after the courtcase, the headline in the Sun:

Keith Harris to Orville: YOU'RE MY VERY BEST FIEND

Berthas Fat Leg

A cro-magnon faced turd-wit counts to potato in a Rotherham fun pub.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A wiltshire pastry druid summons the end-times with a bean slice

Shoulders?-Stomach!

At the annual board meeting Richard from accounts announces this year's turnover has gone "proper s*****c: like, in a good way"