Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[Ferris]

5 hour delay in a shit, tiny airport. Tin of beer? 6 quid please. Terrible sandwich? 8 quid. Will your flight actually leave? Possibly.

Possibly not, though.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Jane's growing obsession with the battery drain on her Samsung Galaxy s7 results in Milton Keynes first and only official forest fire.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Top Gear festival

[Glebe]

Fred Dumblebums takes the day off work and spends the afternoon in the garden firing hedgehogs out of a cannon.

[New Jack]

I'm a bit drunk and ended up in a discord chat channel for witches

Oracle the Occultopus🔮 ✨ 🐙Today at 23:28
I really want/need to set up an altar space, but Hubs is notorious for not respecting spaces (Not in a malicious way, he's just absent-minded and leaves things in random spaces) and the Spawn doesn't respect anything because Spawn is barely a toddler.

PantaRheiToday at 23:32
Raising a child to believe anything particularly weird (and tbh, that includes most mainstream religions) is something that I'm not sure about, but they're going to get beliefs from somewhere anyway, and I figure sharing the family history, including them in lighting a candle to your Beloved Dead etc. is on the less-overtly bizarre and relatively harmless end of the spectrum


DemðñToday at 23:35
If I ever somehow get a child I would make magic something that will always be there for them
like I would leave my books out in the open and small little subliminal things
and if they ask me about it I will teach them

I realised it's just mumsnet in black

But the Desolation part of this is I'm posting chatlogs

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

YESSS YESSS YESSSSSSS WE ARE GOING TO LEGOLAND

no - that's not what I said

We are going to Heligoland

[New Jack]

Limited Edition Cheeseburger flavour Super Noodles get an average 2 star review on ASDA's grocery site

[pancreas]

A knock at the door.

'Oh, do come in Mel, it feels like ages,' says Sandra, giving her a hug and showing her in.

'Wow, what a lovely home, Sandra! I ... '

Mel breaks off to listen to something. Yes, there's, definitely a strange ... oinking noise?

'What's that sound, Sandra?'

'Oh, that! We keep pigs. Come and look.'

Sandra leads Mel down to the basement. The darkened room reeks of the piles of faeces that are scattered about, some smeared by errant footfalls. The piles condense towards the centre, where they are bestrewn with excrement-covered books of different shapes and sizes. In the middle of this is a barely human figure, on a laptop. You—Sandra's husband—are that naked figure, obliviously oinking away, while tapping out this post with your two shit-encrusted index fingers.

Behind the browser window is an animated gif of some fisting.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A teenager ignores a solar eclipse while refreshing twitter.

[petril]

"Hi, I'm Steve Penk and you'll probably know me from my famous prank calls"

[BlodwynPig]

A knock at the door.

'Oh, do come in Mel, it feels like ages,' says Sandra, giving her a hug and showing her in.

'Wow, what a lovely home, Sandra! I ... '

Mel breaks off to listen to something. Yes, there's, definitely a strange ... oinking noise?

'What's that sound, Sandra?'

'Oh, that! We keep pigs. Come and look.'

Sandra leads Mel down to the basement. The darkened room reeks of the piles of faeces that are scattered about, some smeared by errant footfalls. The piles condense towards the centre, where they are bestrewn with excrement-covered books of different shapes and sizes. In the middle of this is a barely human figure, on a laptop. You—Sandra's husband—are that naked figure, obliviously oinking away, while tapping out this post with your two shit-encrusted index fingers.

Behind the browser window is an animated gif of some fisting.

Glad your heterosexual fantasies are starting to mature.

[New Jack]

Aaron is refusing to eat Planters peanuts as their logo is clearly one of the 1%

[Twit 2]

'Did he kill himself in the end?'
'Nah, he couldn't be arsed.'

[New Jack]

New Jack answers an invasive Google Opinions survey asking about his sleep routine, which is fucking woeful due to depression, and is grateful for the 15p applied to his account for his private data

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Paul Ross puts on John Legend while receiving redefining anal from Jonathan "Barry" Olivier.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'Ripon Sainsbury's Sinkhole'

[the midnight watch baboon]

A piggery is burnt to the trotters.

[petril]

ITV3 returns to the air following three months' industrial action over the summer. The world learns of this just after Hallowe'en

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A Michael disembowels

[derek stitt]

Having to fashion a strap on into a gas mask for a new born child in some not to distant future.

[Ferris]

A great big turd drops on Michael's head.

[Spoon of Ploff]

"If a butterfly flaps its wings in St Albans it creates a ripple and a tornado happens in Somerset." These were the last words of Bob Cardigan as he huddled in the corner of a lepidopterarium, slowly starving to death.

[Mr_Simnock]

would be student opens letter

"We regret we can't offer you a place at Hull University"

[dex]

From Wikipedia: On 19 June 2009, WHSmith apologised after promoting a book on cellar rapist Josef Fritzl as one of the "Top 50 Books for Dad" as a Father's Day gift.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

From Wikipedia: On 19 June 2009, WHSmith apologised after promoting a book on cellar rapist Josef Fritzl as one of the "Top 50 Books for Dad" as a Father's Day gift.

Pretty desolate: who needs to apologise for that?

[dex]

Pretty desolate: who needs to apologise for that?

Follow Josef's plans on the enclosed schematics with your DIY skills and some power tools and build your own sex dungeon. Try it yourself!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A good chunk of Shiny Happy People plays over the car stereo while the transport police drag the corpses from the wreckage.

[pancreas]

Racial violence at the Barbican. Simon Rattle conducts.

[dex]

You awaken, manacled to a girthsome steel pipe. You have headphones on with Jimmy Carr's shit bellow laugh going on in one channel and Coldplay's back catelogue going on in the other. The scene with Derek weeping is on a loop on a monitor in front of you.

[BlodwynPig]

You awaken, manacled to a girthsome steel pipe. You have headphones on with Jimmy Carr's shit bellow laugh going on in one channel and Coldplay's back catelogue going on in the other. The scene with Derek weeping is on a loop on a monitor in front of you.

yet, worse is to come