Desolation IV: The Abyssal Plains

[dex]

True life deso: Having to sit through the entirety of Bad Times At El Royale.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Boasting about the ease with which you brained a chimp

[New Jack]

I wasn't allowed a drink in the Labour club because I'm on Universal Credit

(from my Slight Pun-Based Exaggerations of Reality Series)

[petril]

Neil is banned from another furry convention over a four grand suit for which he says the species is "Jew"

[New Jack]

All those returned crisp packets are making dark Web drug addicts have to wait. Cheers, Walkers

[dex]

You feel good that you stopped that lad getting deported. Seemed so nice. Oh wait, NO! He's a rapist?! So...torn. Turning...right wing...

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Harold won't stop going on about the fact he discovered he is a direct descendent of Horatio Nelson, so some lads throw a brick at his head, and he shuts up so much that he dies.

[dex]

A ranting harridan has cigarette smoke blown in her face by a 9 year old.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A brigand declares Mary of Beverley parish to be "full of fucking shit"

[New Jack]

A child with genius level potential at music grows up to be an Instagram influencer for fashion

[Fishfinger]

The toxic vines creeping up the spine of an abandoned orphanage achieve a 3% up-growth over the last quarter, against all trends.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

Fields fall fallow, fellows forced to forage for food. Rat meat and bramble root broth for tea. YUM.

[Vodka Margarine]

Andy won't be holding with any of that namby pamby oven rubbish, as he tucks into a slimy pink chicken drumstick cooked with real ale farts and a lighter.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Andy won't be holding with any of that namby pamby oven rubbish, as he tucks into a slimy pink chicken drumstick cooked with real ale farts and a lighter.

I laughed. A grisly image.

[Berthas Fat Leg]

A dirtbag ponders a frot.

[Fishfinger]

The toxic vines creeping up the spine of an abandoned orphanage achieve a 3% up-growth over the last quarter, against all trends.

A man is appalled to discover he has a monstrous alter ego that stays up all night shit-posting in the Desolation thread. Out, you devil.

[GMTV]

A bodybuilder dying of multiple organ failure tries in vain to lift his phone up to call an ambulance... Just one more lift, you've GOT this

[pancreas]

^ lovely

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I laughed

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A Welsh traffic warden unthinkingly spits on someone's car. Fucking hell.

[Pingers]

The tapeworm inside you requests a transfer: "Host unsatisfactory".

[Gregory Torso]

A bodybuilder dying of multiple organ failure tries in vain to lift his phone up to call an ambulance... Just one more lift, you've GOT this

The tapeworm inside you requests a transfer: "Host unsatisfactory".

I really liked both of these.

[:(]

A Scout master rolls a condom over a TV remote

[dex]

A Scout master rolls a condom over a TV remote

*shudders* Good work.

[Pingers]

Ian Davies has had enough. Enough of being boring old Ian Davies, living his dull life with his dull name. It's time for change, for excitement, for rebirth. A new daring chapter in life. Trembling with anticipation and not a little anxiety, some sweat breaking out on his top lip, he enters the solicitor's office clutching the deed poll forms. This is it, he thinks. No turning back now. It's time for change, for decisive action. Ian Davies disappears into the room, and out comes - Ian Targaryen!

[BlodwynPig]

*Waves crash onto an empty beach*

*mournful*

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

*The sun sets*

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

*The moon wanes*

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah

Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah
Ohhhh Lord, Kumbayah

*The Earth is Silent*

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

June Sarpong presents her new TV show into a mirror with a hairbrush for a microphone.

[:(]

Peter Such contemplates auto-rape whilst glossing a skirting board.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

A real life one from the other day.

A student on the bus going through the contact list on his phone in a desperate attempt to find someone, anyone, to meet up with him.

Highlights included:

Wanting to watch someone get a tattoo.

Asking if someone minded if he tagged along as they met up with their girlfriend.

Morosely sulking at being told they were off to visit their parents.

After a few more assorted "I'm washing my hair" type brush-offs, he found someone who was currently between "Got other stuff on sorry." type stuff and insisted that it wasn't an inconvenience for him to meet up with them. "No, honest, I can get off the bus!" Which he did, four stops out into the suburbs and was last seen running back towards the city centre.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Real Life Deso..
Opening the recying bin for the flats where I am only to find an amazon box with 'YOU C*NT' and a couple of cock n' balls drawn on it.

The desolation part is the time I spent thinking up a backstory for this box. A-and if this was a message ment for me.